REVIVING THE SOUNDS OF JOY

August 10, 2008

Genesis 4:1-2a; Jeremiah 32:27, 33:10-11, Colossians 3:18-21

“You know I can’t smile without you… can’t smile without you!
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing… I’m finding it hard to do anything!
You see I feel sad when you’re sad. I feel glad when you’re glad.
If you only knew what I’m going through. I just can’t smile without you!”

I sang this Barry Manilow song to Naomi more than a few times while she was laying there in the hospital after her open heart surgery. This has been our song since our dating years. Every once in awhile we’ll sing it in the car while traveling somewhere.

Do you have songs in your marriage that are old favorites? Songs that revive and refresh the love you have for your husband or wife? Or have the sounds of the bride and bridegroom fade away over the years?

What troubles me today is that the joyful sounds of godly homes are becoming more hushed in today’s world. Too often the sounds coming from marriages are the sounds of dissension and discord rather than the joy of the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that we face real life and reality makes us deal with unkind issues. However, in the Christian home divorce is never supposed to be the answer. Just because finances may back you into a corner or your spouse has issues you didn’t know about ahead of time does not warrant one to leave the other.

Add children into the mixing bowl, turn on the Kitchen Aid mixer and see what happens.

I believe that our Lord has a simple message of hope and order for the Christian families that are represented here.

1. The Christ-Centered Family Experience.

If we are going to experience something of this holy love, then we need to realize this in the context of our family.

The ultimate sense of holiness is when we learn to love others as well as loving God. In fact, if you can’t love others then I’m not so sure that you can love God.

What I long to see in our church are moms and dads who are in love with each other; whose lives are committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And who don’t care a wit about the world’s ways but care every bit about God’s ways.

Moms and Dads whose love for each other inspires their children; whose love for God arouses their own spiritual senses.

Jesus presents to the family the perfect example of what it means to be a Christian home. His love, surrender and obedience marks the path for the rest of us in our homelife.

I have somewhat of a crude outline of what I’m talking about. Hopefully this will add to what you already know about your role within your family life.

a. Wives: Submission out of Respect.

Sometimes we can get so bothered by the concept of women in submission. And honestly, too much has been made of this issue. I do not believe that a woman should be in obedience to her husband- as though she were a mere child. The scriptures call for the wife to be in submission to the husbands spiritual leadership.

Show me a wife who is loved by her husband as she should be loved and I’ll show a woman most likely to embrace her role of submission in the family circle.

What does the Bible say about this issue of submission? Very clearly the Apostle Paul speaks of the wife submitting out of respect for her husband.

This word respect in the Greek is phobio- which is a word that speaks of reverence. In other words, the wife’s role in a Christian home is to have a holy recognition of her husband’s position as the head of the relationship.

Where problems come into play is when the wife steps outside of this holy reverence for her husband and his responsibilities and attempts to take over.

There is something very simple that does bother me at times but not in a bad sense but only in a sense of concern. The husband is the spiritual leader of the home. The wife is to submit to him as her spiritual leader. His role is to lead the family in spirituality. And yet how many times do we find the wife taking the lead- either by her lack of trust in him, her impatience with her husband’s own personal struggles or his lack of trust in God?

So if the wife is supposed to submit to her husband out of a holy reverence for his spiritual authority in her life, what is this supposed to look like for him?

b. Husbands: Love out of Surrender.

I am highly concerned that too many husbands have abdicated their role as the spiritual leader of their families.

You will notice that I have continually added the adjective spiritual to the leader word- and I have done this on purpose. I refuse to see husbands and fathers as simply “the leader of the marriage and home.” Without Christ in their heart they cannot be the Biblical leader calls them to be. As a man of God, you are the spiritual leader of your marriage and your home.

Being the spiritual leader is your God-given role as a Christian man. And the very most important thing you can do is to love your wife. The second most important thing you can do is to exasperate or be harsh with your children.

This love for your wife should be exactly that kind of love that Jesus shows to the whole Church. So how do you love your wife as Christ loves the Church?

Christ gave his life for the Church. Therefore, as the husband, the man of God, you should give your life for your wife. How do you do this?

Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? As he prayed, his sweat turned to blood. And his words have reverberated in the Lenten message every year: “Not my will but yours be done.”

Jesus’ life could be summed up as one of surrender. He surrendered his status in heaven to be like humanity. He surrendered the power on earth so that people like us could be healed and the message of God would be delivered. He surrendered his life unto God for death so that we might be saved.

If only we could see this kind of surrender from the lives of dads and husbands today! Giving up our status, our power- our very lives for the sake of our wife and children.

Folks, that’s change I can believe in! When men give up those things that seem most important to their sense of being so that their family may live- that’s real change.

I am convinced that when the wife and husband are loving each other Biblically and setting an example of submission out of respect and love out of surrender, children respond in obedience- not simply to their parents- but to the God who saves the family.

c. Children: Obedience out of Example.

“Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the earth.” “Children obey your parents in the Lord.”

There is something special about children who are obedient to their parents. It seems that all of parenthood is about “birthing pains.”

First, there is the birthing pains of child-birth. Then there are birthing pains as they learn to walk. Then they have that first day of school. Then they graduate kindergarten. Then they go into Middle School. Then they go to High School. Then they graduate and go into the real world- as though the world we built for them was some kind of fantasy camp.

And all through this we as parents have birthing pains. We agonize of them being late coming home, there first or fifth or tenth boyfriend, the video games they like, the friends they have and the money they cost. These things take a toll on us as parents. That’s why we get gray hair!

If I could be brief but to the point bear with me. Mom’s and Dad’s: don’t be too harsh with your kids. Don’t over-react to their behaviors. Don’t worry too much. BALANCE is the key word in all of this.

Balance in discipline. You are their leaders as parents. Discipline them. Teach them the Word of God and help them to understand their relationship with Jesus Christ. As parents you must teach them boundaries. The saddest thing is when children don’t learn the boundaries or they forget the boundaries when they are older and the court-system has to teach them the boundaries- usually the harder way.

Let me share my personal opinion about physical discipline.

Spanking your child is not a bad thing. Hitting your child is a bad thing. Any kind of discipline in the heat of anger should be avoided. Not spanking is alright if you have a good sense of how to discipline without. But whatever you do, do with consistency. There is no worse kind of discipline than that which is inconsistent. The kid finds himself being punished and doesn’t know why or they go unpunished and think they can do worse next time.

Bruising children physically cannot be tolerated. You should never spank to hurt or bruise. Spanking is to teach and only to teach. Furthermore, there are age limites to spanking. A baby is beyond understanding what spanking is all about. However, most two-year olds have a grasp of what consequences are all about. Spanking after age seven is not recommended on my list- but that depends on child. Certainly, no child over twelve should be spanked.

And never, ever slap them or strike them in the face. This demeans their dignity and bruises their spirit.

Balance in your faith. I get highly concerned when I see the parents putting on spiritual airs that aren’t real. And the worst result is that the children who witness the hypocrisy are the ones who suffer the worst. Be honest with them when you struggle. If you sin against them, apologize without being guilted into it. It’s okay for them to see you with your hair down- but with balance.

Balance in your words. Children need to hear good things and the right things come out of your mouth. Even worse than bruising a child physically is bruising a child emotionally. Telling them they are worthless or a mistake or calling them names is unacceptable by any parent. Learn to speak positively and lovingly and Biblically.

Balance in their obedience. Children should speak respectfully to their parents. I would never tolerate my kids ever raising a voice or a hand to my wife. This is my wife- not merely their mother. They need to see that Dad loves Mom more than them.

Children should be allowed to speak their difference with you. If they disagree with you then let them- as long as they do so respectfully. If they are right then they are right. You, dad, should be man enough to admit if your children are correct about the issue- even your wrong-ness in a circumstance. This is the idea behind not exasperating your children.

And yet so many families- Christian families struggle with the whole family circle problem. The way it is supposed to be too often doesn’t mesh with real life. However, this should not keep us from striving to have a family that is Christ-centered. Does this seem like the impossible?

Well, let me tell you, God does the impossible- all the time. He did for our family and he can for yours.

2. A Promise to do the Impossible.

Jeremiah reveals from the Lord a promise of hope for the land. Remember, the land all around them was in disarray. The Chaldeans had invaded Jerusalem. Things looked utterly hopeless. And yet God gives a promise that once again the sounds of the bride and bridegroom would be heard again.

How many have entered into holy matrimony with beautiful ceremonies, gorgeous decorations and wonderful music and yet those things became as dust and destruction as the marriage unravels? I have had the joy of working with numerous couples in their pre-nuptials and have seen too many marriages struggle in ways they shouldn’t struggle.

I am convinced that when two people who are guided by their faith in Jesus Christ and seek after God’s own heart, that there is nothing in the world that can tear apart that marriage.

How about your marriage? Are joyous sounds of music missing from your home? God wants to renew those sounds of bride and bridegroom. God wants to do something wonderful in your life and in your spouse’s life. God wants to become personal and real in your home.

There is nothing too hard for God. Even the salvation of your family.