ESSENTIALS FOR THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

Sunday June 1, 2008

Isaiah 8:17-18, John 4:46-53, Ephesians 6:4

John Maxwell once said: “The only thing parents can take to heaven is their children.” And no matter how much money we make in life, or the success of our business venture or the fame and fortune we might amass, those things we cannot take to heaven with us. But what we can take to heaven is our children.

Isaiah speaks as a father of two children. Isaiah, his wife and his sons had a prophetic impact upon their people and the surrounding countries. We find in Hebrews 2:13 that these verses would have significance in the coming of Jesus Christ.

The nobleman or “royal official” came to Jesus because his son was gravely sick. He wanted Jesus to come to his home and heal the boy. Instead, Jesus called on the man and father to simply believe. Out of compassion and grace Jesus speaks and the nobleman believes. The son is healed- even though it is not in the way the man wanted. The result? He and his household became believers in Jesus Christ.

The Apostle calls on fathers not to exasperate their children. His goal is to get parents to realize that their actions can just as easily impede their children’s spiritual growth as the actions of the world. We have to understand as parents our role and the importance of having a spiritual family life that truly honors God and each other.

God wants to use your family in saving the world. I have all summer to preach on the different aspects of the Christian family but yet I approach this message with a certain amount of desperation. Your and your family are important to God’s plan to save humanity. Just as God used Isaiah and his family and God reached with mercy into the nobleman’s family he wants to use you and your spouse and children to make a difference in a world that desperately needs to be difference.

With that in mind, I want to share five essentials that Naomi and I have found to be important to having a solid Christian family home-life. By no means do we proclaim to have set the standard as parents but yet I believe that we do have something to offer to you from our own experiences as parents.

These may seem to general ideas but they must be more than general if your home-life as a Christian family is going to be all that God wants it to be.

1. The Treasure of Each Other.

I would hope that after nearly 25 years that our family has learned what it means to treasure each other as family members. Are we the most perfect family? Not likely. But yet we have learned to cherish each other.

As parents, Naomi and I couldn’t be prouder of our kids. We love to celebrate their accomplishments.

Three important aspects of this treasuring each other we have found important:

a. Connection.

Stay connected. Our kids know that they can call us anytime. Over the four years of Charity in college we learned more about Instant Messaging and long distance phone cards and all of that. We want to stay connected with our kids. And yes, it costs money to be connected but it’s well worth it to us. And if we don’t hear from them, we call. Now if we want Josh we send him a text message- its faster and more likely to get a response.

b. Celebration.

Celebrate each other’s successes. The greatest moment of my life is when I was ordained. And yet, it was not about my success but about us as a family. Everyone shared in the ordination. Why? It goes back to our trailer park days with me on a Saturday night studying at the kitchen table. It was the family sacrificing the security of dad being gone for a week to take classes. It was Naomi letting go to let God work.

Next year, we will embark to New Brunswick one more time- Lord willing- to watch our kids, Charity and Andrew, graduate college. And a year after that, we will be there when Joshua graduates. We want to be a part of each other’s celebrations as well as each other’s hurts and pains.

c. Humor

I’m not so sure we are the funniest family. We don’t play too many mean jokes on each other but we do know how to laugh with each other and even at each other. A family that laughs together stays together.

d. Vacation.

The greatest family advice my foster dad gave me was to take a family vacation at least once a year. Family vacations are those memory markers that you and your kids will cherish for a lifetime. I don’t have time to speak of our drive up Porcupine Mountain in Tennessee or the Natural Bridge State Park or the sauna on wheels in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. These times and others create memories that you will never regret. Did we have the money to do these things? Usually not- but the purchase far outweighs the price.

e. Apologize.

One of the most important aspects for any family member is learning to apologize when wrong. If you can’t do that as a Father, husband, mother, wife, son or daughter, you are short-changing the grace of God in your life and in your family. Saying “I’m sorry” and really meaning it, can make all the difference in the spiritual life of a family. I’ve had to apologize far more than I care to admit but I would not once take back a single apology.

These are merely five thoughts about ways that you as a family can treasure each other.

Something of utmost importance is…

2. The Importance of Salvation.

As Christian parents we have placed a very high importance on having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Two things that I believe have really had an impact on our family life when it comes to our personal relationship with Christ.

a. Telling the stories of Jesus.

As a family we need to tell each what Christ is doing for us. Our kids need to hear it from us and we need to hear it from them. While Charity was training for Child Evangelism she told us of how she learned to depend on the Holy Spirit’s help in order to memorize scripture. These are the kinds of things that a family learns to share with each other about.

b. Living the stories of Jesus.

But what good is telling the stories unless we are living the stories. Everyday life will tell each other far more than words about where our hope and trust are at. Who we are will overshadow what we do and say. And the first ones to pick up on this is our family. They see you with your “hair down.” They see the grumpy side of you. But what they really need to see beyond your holy perfection is the real you being made holy.

None of us has arrived to that spiritual perfection of faith. We all are in the process of growing in Christ. And that is what your spouse and your kids need to see. They don’t need to see Mom or Dad striving to be pompously holy in public but experience their fits of rage in private. They need to see Mom or Dad apologizing and then making good on the apology by striving to improve their behavior.

A key part of emphasizing salvation is found in…

3. The Value of God’s Word.

Long before I became a pastor, I have always had an intrigue with the scriptures. I have read and studied the Bible, read what others say about its passages, and have exalted it as our standard for family life.

In what ways can we allow the scriptures to be valued once again in our homes?

a. Read the Bible.

There needs to be a place in your life as a parent in reading the Bible. Make it a part of your life. Realize the values that the Bible teaches as a part of your life.

b. Be honest about the Bible.

There are some hard things in the Bible that are difficult to understand. However, we can be honest about them without taking away the significance of the Bible. I don’t like reading certain passages but I also realize that the Bible is honest about everyone else it depicts so I can be assured with being honest about those things that don’t mesh with my thinking. I strive then to learn more so that I can relate those tough problems with the rest of the family.

c. Talk about the Bible.

We strive to look for the Biblical values we can draw from movies, television shows and the like. Why? There is so much trash out there that somebody needs to say something positively- even in with a negative context.

What do I mean? After our family watched the movie “Minority Report” my son and I discussed the issue of pre-determination vs. pre-destination. While watching “The Matrix” we talk about the this world’s values versus the ideals of the Bible. There are all sorts of ways that you as parents can inject your Biblical world-view into the conversations of your family time.

Of course, we could not go on and on about the spiritual family life unless we spoke of…

4. The Significance of Prayer.

Pray and pray some more. But what do we really do with this “greatest spiritual” resource in our family life?

a. Be Thankful.

Prayer is about more than just a family altar. A family needs to be praying together and allowing the blessings of prayer to permeate every need. Prayer is about being thankful.

Unless we are truly thankful to God for all we have, our prayers will be hollow to the rest of our family. Learn to become more thankful. Give thanks to each other, give thanks to others and give thanks to God.

Have a thankful heart in everything and for everything you have.

a. Be Realistic.

Don’t hold out unrealistic expectations for your family altar. Some families are scattered to the wind when the morning sun rises. However, find those opportunities to do things together that bring you together in a prayerful atmosphere.

Eating together brings that opportunity. The family dinner table is a lost art in America. We need to find ways to recapture that in all the hustle and bustle that we engage in. Over the years we have done that as a family in a variety of ways.

There were times in my roofing days that Naomi would bring dinner out to the job sites. Oftentimes, we would meet as a family at a restaurant. These times bring an atmosphere of prayer to the family circle.

b. Pray together.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of just simply praying together as a family.

One of the most important times at the end our day when the children were young was me as the Dad going in a praying with our kids. “Now I lay me down to sleep…” Those days may be past but prayer certainly doesn’t lose its luster.

Naomi and I as aging parents have learned to rediscover prayer together. Though we are not consistent on an everyday basis we still value these times as significant to our own spiritual well-being and to us as a couple.

I have spoken of the Treasure of Each Other, the Importance of Salvation, the Value of God’s Word and the Significance of Prayer.

There is one more thing that must not be forgotten:

5. Respect for the Church.

I absolutely will not tolerate disrespect within our home for the Church or the people of the Church. We can disagree as the people of God within the Church ministry but rest assured that our children will not hear us air out our grievances against anyone. We may not agree on a variety of issues- and that may be fine or not, I’m not sure- but you will not be down-graded in our home.

There are times when church people have hurt me by the things they have said. Most of the time people say things without intending to hurt me or my family. I understand that because I realize that there may be times I say something that comes out the wrong way and have hurt someone without intending to. These things happen.

And even if someone does say or do something to hurt me, it doesn’t get told at home. My kids and many times my wife will be completely unaware that there might be a conflict. Why should they be hurt in the process of God’s people working together?

So our home will not be a place of putting down the people of God or the ministry of the Church.

Why? The Church is the Bride of Christ. The quickest way to get into a fight with a man is to disrespect his woman. And the quickest way to lose out spiritually with our Savior is to disrespect His Bride.

So how can you bring respect within your home for the Church and be blessed in the process?

a. Be careful what you say.

Words can come out wrong and so we must be quick to correct something we might say. The best way to be careful of what you say is to…

b. Speak positively about everyone.

To my kids, everyone probably seems like my best friend. That’s the way it should be. There is no room to put down other people- especially the people of the Church that I am called to pastor.

I try to find the best of motives in others. That includes you. If someone is critical of me or what the church is doing and are faithful members in attendance and tithing then I believe that they have the best of motives. They want the church to succeed in ministry. They aren’t seeking their own will but the will of God. And if they are doing something self-centeredly then God will sort that out.

c. Participate in the ministry.

Your family needs to be involved in the church ministry in some way. There are countless ways that a family can participate in ministry. Come and speak with me and we’ll get you busy.

d. Support your church.

Don’t forget to pray for your church. Pray for your pastor as a family. Pray for your church as a family. Pray for the lost as a family.

Support your church. Be there with your volunteerism, finances and energy. Let your family know that church has a high place of value in every facet of your life.

Conclusion: Valuing God’s things.