TEETER-TOTTER MARRIAGE

Sunday June 8, 2008

Genesis 2:24, Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NLT), Hebrews 13:4

We’re going to speak about marriage today. Marriage is not simply a word; marriage is a sentence- a life sentence

The playground game that every young child loves to play is the teeter-totter. Or, to some of our old-timers, the see-saw. The goal of the teeter-totter is for one person to sit on one end of a board and the other person sit on the other end and then push each other up and down. Kids love this as much now as we did when we were children. And there is only one rule to the teeter-totter: the loser is the one who tries to win.

Marriage is like a teeter-totter. The wife enters the marriage on one end and the husband enters on the other end. They find their place and the game begins. But too often in too many marriages, the joy of early love soon gives way to one trying to change the other, the other trying to dominate the relationship, and pretty soon all that is left of love is the shadow of a fading dream of “’til death do us part.” The death of a marriage is by far the greatest tragedy in all of humanity.

This is not God’s plan for you and your marriage. And so today I come to this message with a heavy heart for you and your home. I see far too many give up too soon. I see far too many who are not willing to give one way or the other. I see far too many broken vows, broken homes and broken hearts. This is not the way it is supposed to be.

What is it that we can learn from our Lord this day that will make a difference for you and your home and your children who come after you? I have three understandings that I want us to focus on this morning that I believe will make all the difference in your marriage.

The first for us to understand is that a married couple begins on…

1. Opposite Ends of the Same Goal.

When Naomi and I got married nearly a quarter of a century ago we climbed on that teeter-totter with a lot of junk in our trunk. She told me of a time while teeter-tottering as a child the other kid jumped off and she landed with a tremendous thud. After that incident she found it very difficult to trust other kids- fearful they might do the same thing.

That word trust is very important to a marriage. You have to trust the other person for the marriage to work. If you cannot trust them then you are going to be filled with questions.

When a marriage begins, a couple has to learn that they are very different from each other. It is true that compatibility is very important but when you put two souls together their differences will rise to the surface.

What are they?

a. Strengths and Weaknesses.

Every person has strengths and weaknesses. And sometimes these are very different or opposite of the other person.

To maintain a strong marriage you have to learn to allow your strengths to feed the marriage in order to overcome the weaknesses that both partners bring. You cannot allow your self to feed off the weaknesses of your spouse. Look for their strengths and allow their strengths to feed you and nourish the marriage.

b. Blessings and Bruises.

Every couple brings blessings and bruises into the marriage. Your gifts and abilities, your heritage as a Christian are blessings that you bring to the marital circle. Just as well, those hurts and pains from childhood, an abusive home or tragic incident are bruises that can breakdown the relationship. When one person begins to revert to the very things that damaged their childhood, the clock starts ticking.

c. Microwave and Crock-pot.

A further difference between men and women in the marriage is the old saying that men are microwaves and women are crock-pots. Let me make clear that generalities don’t make good rules and the same holds true here. I am speaking in a generality.

Guys, you need to realize that your wife needs continual affection that does not always lead to sex. Ladies, you need to realize that your husband has sexual needs that only you can meet. These differences are not intended to create strife but to bring a spiritual understanding and togetherness.

Men are turned on by thoughts, feelings and visuals a whole lot quicker than women. Women are more slowly brought along. But in learning more about each other, the couple should be able to realize that even though they come into the marriage on opposite ends they still strive towards the same goal of creating a holy environment for the glory of God.

The second understanding we need to have in our marriages:

2. Complementary Means for the Same Purpose

Even though we are very different- kind of like lady and the tramp in some cases- there are still those balances that give the marriage the kind of supplements it needs to grow in grace and holiness.

a. The Art of Listening.

I found this humorous observation about some marriages:

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Listening to the other is critical.

And you have to listen to more than words. Why is it that us guys have the hardest time of truly listening to our wife’s feelings? This is where the next point comes into play.

b. The Aid of Learning.

Marriage is about learning. Learning what the other person likes or doesn’t like. Learning what his favorite meal is or her favorite flower. Learning about each other is what marriage is all about. Marriage is more than a legal contract. This is a harmony of souls that God has brought together.

A third point that needs to be understood is.

d. The Act of Love-making.

Hebrews 13:4- “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pre, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

God is the creator of sex. He set human drives in motion, not to torture men and women but to bring them enjoyment and fulfillment. God saw that Adam had no suitable helper. So he created the woman. Instead of being opposite they were complimentary to each other and similar in every way except their reproductive systems.

Whatever you do in your marriage keep your bed pure! Honor God with your bodies by remaining true to each other and in so doing true to God.

A very real and problematic issue for some marriages is sexual dysfunction. Sometimes there are physical issues that a doctor needs to be consulted about. Other times, though, there are emotional issues and a good counselor needs to be consulted. There should never be any shame to any person who is striving to be all that they can be for the glory of God and for the satisfaction of their marriage partner.

There is a third understanding about this teeter-totter marriage that we have to address:

3. Transformed Hearts by the Same God.

God’s ultimate purpose for your marriage is to make you holy. Marriage is his sanctification tool to cleansing your heart and life.

When a couple gets married their whole life changes. And the later a person marries, the tougher the changes.

This transformation by God in the hearts of a husband and wife comes with some imperatives:

a. The Dynamic of Balancing.

You learn as a spouse to balance things out. A good teeter-totter game allows both on each end to use a counteracting force to put the teeter-totter in motion. Each person learns to push just enough to off-set the other and vice-versa.

Balancing each comes when you take up the slack for the other’s weakness. “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Naomi and I have had our problems but yet have learned to balance these things with our strengths.

b. The Process of Living.

This balancing act is really about a process of living that we have developed. There are habits that we have gotten into that really has knit our hearts and lives together. When we are apart for a week it begins to seem like an eternity. The house is very quiet when my wife is out of town. But I do get all the covers at night though!

c. The Gift of Forgiving.

If there is a most important piece of advice I could give and that is the gift of forgiving. Forgiving the other is a gift- not only for the forgiven but the forgiver. Learn to apologize. Learn to forgive. And then make up and forget. Move on. Let it go. And if it happens again, go through the process again. Remember, forgiving each other isn’t just for church folks but for those closest to us.

Conclusion: The True Power of Love.

Song of Songs 8:6-7- “Many waters cannot quench love; neither can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with everything he owned, his offer would be utterly despised.” (NLT)

Where does the power of love truly come from? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where the many stormy waters cannot quench love? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where even the flooding rivers cannot wash it away?

On the teeter totter with husband and wife at both ends stands Jesus Christ in the center. When we allow him to take over we can know that our marriage will never be the same. Jesus is the one who can bring balance to your teeter-totter marriage. Jesus is the one who can bring fullness to the otherwise off-kilter people who have tied the knot. Jesus is the one who can make you holy through marriage.