GETTING OFF THE ROAD OF RAGE

July 20, 2008

Ephesians 4:26-27

“In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Most of us drove right on through this past by not realizing it was Road Rage Awareness Week here in Michigan.

The American Automobile Association prepared a study that showed over 10,000 car accidents incited by angry drivers, 12,610 injuries and 218 deaths. Road Rage involves people of all ages though a significant number are men in their twenties. Eighty to ninety per cent of us will have an encounter with someone with road rage. (www.roarrinc.org)

Anger, however, is not confined to the highways and byways of life. Anger comes to us every day and in big ways and small ways.

How we deal with anger says a lot about our character and who we really are. People who have learned to handle anger properly learn self-discipline techniques that help them cope with unforeseen problems. Others have learned more importantly the value of God’s forgiveness and the work of the Holy Spirit in their heart and life. Others continually ask God to forgive them only to blow up once again at the newspaper carrier or the garbage truck man. Over and over. Others simply swallow the problem even though they wish they had the guts to tell someone like it is.

What brings on anger? There are three very important catalysts to anger of which only one of them is needed to create the dynamic we call anger. What are they?

1) Injury. Someone does harm to you or someone or something you care about.

2) Insult. Someone levels a wrong word either at you or against you. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Most of us DON’T live by that mantra. No one likes to be insulted.

3) Injustice. Whenever your cherished belief is violated you feel the brunt of unfairness and this will make you angry. Maybe you see a white police officer targeting only Hispanic drivers. That violates your sense of right and wrong.

4) Invasion. This is when your personal space is violated by someone else. Oftentimes someone will attempt to intimidate by stepping into your personal area or taking a hold of something that belongs to you.

5) Intention. The previous four will give way to this fifth aspect of anger and you sense an energy that moves you to do something about being injured, insulted, the injustice or invaded.

What we have to understand is that not all anger is bad. Without anger there would be no United States of America. Without anger slavery would still be an issue for us today. Without anger, we would still be lost as sinners.

Of course, we don’t need to go far in the church to understand examples of anger. God himself became very angry with his people for their continual failures of following his will. Jesus on a couple of occasions overturned the tables in the temple and chased out the money-changers because what he saw happening was wrong- and it angered him.

Let’s be clear that anger is a double edged sword. There is good anger and there is wrong anger. Good anger gets upset by things or situations in life that are proper to get upset about. Anger against slavery caused Orange Scott and Luther Lee to take matters into their own hands when their church denomination refused to deal with the wrong-ness of slavery. Eventually, not only did they give aid to runaway slaves but they started our denomination- the Wesleyan Methodist Connection.

I will spend some time on the issue is that all of us are affected by anger- whether it be within our selves or the brunt from other people. I believe that anger is a bigger problem in homes than we will admit. And so for the next several weeks I will be addressing various aspects of anger because I truly believe that if we can win with anger we can win in our families, in our church and in our community and world.

My goal for you is that you would get off the road of anger and live on the path of peace. On the path of peace you still get angry but about the right things and you deal with them in the right way.

I have three observations about anger that need to be tackled today:

1. The Answers to Anger.

Anger is one of those natural emotions that you can’t live with nor can you live without. Anger costs the angered broken televisions and windows, damaged cars and other things destroyed. Worst are the marriages and families shredded apart by one person’s unbridled anger.

Anger is a raw emotion just like sexuality, hunger and love. When used in the wrong way anger is its most destructive. When use properly anger is very constructive. Differentiating the difference is critical for us if we are to be the kind of Christian God has called us to be.

a. Anger as natural.

There are those who see anger as just a natural thing that everybody has and that needs to be harnessed. I agree to some degree with this ideal. What is important to understand from the Apostle Paul’s words is “be angry and sin not.” Because anger is such a raw emotion, a person might be angry one time and not sin but yet get angry the next time and sin.

b. Anger as acceptable.

John Rambo is an angry man. And in the movie, “First Blood” he lashes out at law enforcement and society. Rambo’s anger represents to a lot of Americans as acceptable anger.

c. Anger as the answer.

For some people, anger is the only answer. They learn early that if they throw a tantrum or pout they can get their own way. They never learn that a kind word turneth away wrath. They always see anger and its trappings as the way to live.

d. Anger for everyone.

The reality is that everyone does get angry. The person who says, “I don’t get angry” is not being honest about who they are or they are on drugs or drowning their anger in other ways.

However, hostile anger- of which I will be differentiating next week- is not the answer to life’s problems. And the point I want us to wrap our minds around is that when anger becomes unbiblical and against God’s word and things holy then we’ve got a problem.

There is a price-tag that dangles from every wrong anger incident. What does anger cost you?

2. The Costs of Anger.

In the movie “As Good as it Gets” Jack Nicholson plays the part of a wealthy writer who has a bit of an anger outburst problem. He gets easily angered when things don’t go to his specifications.

Think about it: anger costs you something. It costs you the things you have as well as the relationships that are most important. When you lose your cool and lash out at a family member with no concern for their emotional well-being, you are being selfish and self-centered to only make your self feel better. But the problem is that in the end you don’t feel better. Afterwards, you apologize or worst, pretend it never happened. Your spouse, your kids or your neighbors move on hoping not to set you off again.

When anger is unbridled and unfettered there is cost that far exceeds the cost of replacing a window or television. When a person lashes out in anger they could, and many have, receive financial and institutional costs for their crimes. Parking lots are great places to get angry and so are highways and village streets.


Cost #1 – Your Health
It has been well documented that chronic, high levels of anger are associated with an increased risk for health problems. How often anger is experienced and how it is expressed during periods of emotional distress are significant factors in determining the impact on one’s health. It is not uncommon for a person to suffer heart attacks and strokes as a result of unrelenting anger in their life.

Cost #2 – Your Self-Esteem
Although the expression of anger may feel good at the moment, it often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and remorse. On a cognitive level, one might realize that his or her response was overblown, misdirected, and unwarranted. The result, in most cases, is damage to one’s self-esteem. You feel anger towards yourself and these kinds of feelings can lead to a poor outlook on your life and lead to some very detrimental consequences.

Cost #3 – Your Relationships
Very few things can damage a relationship as much as the inability to manage one’s anger. Frequent and/or intense outbursts, whether verbal or physical, can destroy marriages, break apart families, and ruin friendships. So many times we have sat with couples whose anger has endangered their marriage. There is no place for abusive anger in any relationship. No woman should tolerate the abuses of a husband or boyfriend who displays uncontrolled anger.

Cost #4 – Your Children
The effect on children of witnessing chronic and intense anger in the household can be devastating. Children who are the victims of anger grow up with anger problems of their own. Any one who believes that their childhood abuse didn’t affect them is not looking in the mirror properly. Children should not live in fear of mom or dad- at any time other than the proper kind of fear when they have done wrong. No child should ever have to fear for their well-being with their parents or the well-being of another sibling or one of their parents.

Cost #5 – The Workplace
What gets accomplished in the workplace, both quantitatively and qualitatively, can be severely compromised by poorly managed anger, frustration, and resentment. People thing that anger doesn’t cost them at work are in a fantasy world. Anger issues cost companies money, cost the workers raises and affects the outcomes of a business.

Cost #6 – Your Spirituality
We must not under-estimate the toll that anger takes on a person’s relationship with God. When a person allows themselves to engage in fits of rage they allow Satan to have not only a foothold in their life but they allow Satan to control their life. And this is not conducive to the Christian way of living.

The scriptures make clear the problems of anger for the follower of Christ. We are to “live at peace with all men.” This call is not about peace treaties but about a life that is truly one of peace and care.

The costs of anger are far too great for us to ignore. Let me now share some…

3. Tips for Anger Management.

In order to manage anger there needs to be a few things in place. One of them is that you need to have Jesus Christ in the right perspective of your life. Too often people will use “Jesus” as their weapon of choice when they are angry- in the wrong way and context. Something else that needs to be in the right perspective is understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in handling anger in the proper way.

There are two areas of your life that

Physical/Emotional:

1) Rest: Get your sleep.

2) Nutrition: Eat properly.

3) Time Management: Learn to schedule your self.

4) Laugh a little: Don’t take others too seriously.

5) Laugh a lot: Don’t take your self too seriously.

Spiritual:

6) Devotions: Take God and His Word seriously.

7) Forgiveness: Forgive others just God has forgiven you.

8) Grace: Live a life of Grace first.

9) Justice: Let God avenge your injury.

10) Surrender: Give it all to Jesus.