The Joys of Love

Sunday February 13, 2011

Exodus 20:14- You shall not commit adultery.

Matthew 19:4-6- ⁴ "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' ⁵ and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

These two verses affirm to us that God wants your marriage to succeed. In fact, Jesus sternly admonishes the Pharisees that it was only because of the hardness of men's hearts that divorce was even permitted. He then gives us a bottom line about marriage of which I underlined for you: "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Marriage is the greatest joy in the entire world. Talk to anyone who has been through a divorce and almost all of them would say that it is the worst kind of hell on earth.

I love being married. I love the joys of a best friend beside me through good and bad. I love the pleasure of having someone there for me and yet also the pleasure of being there for her.

Marriage should and must be a grand experience for every married couple.

"The two shall become one flesh." And so God begins the relationship between Adam and Eve as a covenant agreement not only between a man and a woman but a covenant with God.

Two one dollar bills add up to two dollars and yet they compose two pieces of paper. What God is saying essentially is that the two one dollar bills become a two dollar BILL- singular. When you rip a two dollar bill in half you don't have one dollar each- you have two halves of a two dollar bill that together make the two dollars but not together make a worthless piece of paper.

Marriage works somewhat the same. For marriage to have the right kind of value requires the two to be one in body, soul and spirit.

Marriage is not a game. This is serious stuff. Lives are blended and knit together. This is why when the family breaks down the community breaks down as well as the culture around them.

At precisely 12:55pm on June 25, 1983 I stood in the pastor's office of the Calvary Memorial Church in Muskegon- across from Reeths-Puffer School. I knew that when I walked out that door my life would change forever. I was nervous but yet anxious and excited about this new adventure in life. Maybe I didn't know any better. Two kids saying "I do" are still in love today.

My heart and passion is to see that each married couple here has a happy and fulfilling marriage. My heart and passion is that each one here would know what it is to live a life with a pure heart toward those of the opposite sex. My heart and passion is to see our families reap the joyful blessings of a Biblical kind of love.

Some observations:

First: Protection of the Family.

This seventh commandment is all about protecting the family. A healthy family will make a healthy church; a healthy church will make for a healthy community; a healthy community will make for a healthy society.

But sadly, we see too much of the opposite. Divorce rates hover at 50% among both those who are not Christian and those who claim to be Christian.

The joy of love protects the family. When a man loves a woman and when a woman loves a man in their marriage it is the difference maker in their lives, their children's lives and makes a powerful contributor to society as a whole.

One of the greatest sins to devastate a marriage is adultery. Too often people are looking for love but settle for sex. They want their cake and eat it too. They forget that there are consequences to sin- especially sexual sin. And the reality is that a person may not ever have their sin found out but God already knows.

This Commandment protects the family from distrust among the leaders and parents of the home. If mom and dad don't trust each other then the home will disintegrate in disarray.

This Commandment also protects the family from unhappy consequences. Sexual sin brings God's wrath upon a person and this can affect his or her entire family. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 gives this ultimate warning: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, ¹⁰ nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. (NKJV)

Something else this Commandment does in protecting the family is this: it creates a legacy of holiness. I am convinced that when a husband and wife keep the marriage bed pure it has a long-term affect on their children and grandchildren. Hebrews 13:4- Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

God knew the importance of the family for overall society. The fifth Commandment "Honor your father and mother" was to establish respect for authority. This seventh Commandment was to protect that established authority beginning in the home.

Something else this seventh commandment does is that it sets up …

Second: Purity in Friendships.

Check out these ideas that I have about this:

• Purity with the opposite sex.
  
  

As a man I can be friends with other women without any other motivation. Women can be friends with other men in the same way. Furthermore, when men and women are put together in the workplace, there can be purity between workers, church people and neighbors.

When I started dating Naomi we attended the District Family Camp over in St. Louis, MI for several days together. In the process of those days she became friends with my previous girlfriend, Robin Weaver. If we had not been pure in our relationship that sure would have made that friendship pretty awkward.

Fast forward to about 6 or 7 years ago. Someone in the church blessed Naomi and I with some time at a hotel in Muskegon with enough money to go to Red Lobster for Valentine's. As we sat in our booth having dinner we overheard the couple next to us question the waitress about something we had ordered. When we looked over- guess who? Robin and her husband Harvey. Again, there was no need to be embarrassed, blushing or any guilt.

I say this to emphasize how important it is for single people to maintain sexual purity. There is NEVER any heartache by saving sex for marriage. NEVER.

In maintaining this purity let's not leave out pornography. I have been told as a pastor not to be naïve- "over 1/3 of your men ARE involved with pornography in some way." Pornography makes sexual victims of someone's daughter or wife. Pornography is never right and certainly should not be entertained by men who

There also needs to be…

• Purity with accountability.
  

This commandment creates accountability not only to God but to others. I am accountable to my wife, to my God and to my church for my relationships. I have a friend who is my accountability partner who I keep an account with. You need that as well- someone in your peer group of whom you can give an account and someone you will listen to when they see something that shouldn't be going on.

I have another friend in ministry who once told me that he never thought about the pictures in his office of the teens that he was ministering to. Kids would give him pictures- especially girls- and he would put them on the wall. One day another pastor-friend was visiting him and confronted him with: "Where are the pictures of your wife and family?" He never had any wrong motivations but his friend was simply warning him and holding him accountable to something he never saw.

Naomi would warn me about other girls in our youth ministry over the years. I have never been offended about my wife asking me questions about anything. I've never worried about my kids using my computer or sifting through my books or magazines.

More than anything we want to keep…

• Purity within relationships.
  
  

The Apostle Paul told the young preacher, Timothy these words of wisdom that I have taken to heart: "¹ Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, ² older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." (NIV 2010) Every man and every woman should take to heart these things in order to keep their relationships intact with others.

You will not see me with a woman in the neighborhood of my age or younger in my company going somewhere. I must protect my reputation. I have heard too many horror stories of pastors who did stupid things like meeting another woman for dinner somewhere or going out of town together to an event- even a Christian event. We must guard ourselves from even the suggestion of sin.

This purity in relationships extends even to…

• Purity of communication.
  
  

When we respect others properly there is a cleaning up of our language and the way we speak about others. There should never be any course language about the opposite sex; there should never be dirty jokes told among men; there should only be words that uplift and bring glory to God.

Obviously, I could continue on but suffice to say if you want to experience the joys of love in your home that it is protected by this seventh commandment as well as giving you the right perspective on relationships. These further along that joy of love by give you a…

Third: Power in Love.

Love is a many splendored thing and yet love has been so confused with lust in our world. God's desire is not that we would make way for lust but be purveyors of His love in the home, in the Church and in the world.

Love does overcome a multitude of sins. Love breaks the distrust in a relationship and allows a couple to deepen their love through the difficulties and problems.

Love is a very powerful weapon in making a marriage work. Notice these concepts about love:

• Love is a verb. This action verb is supposed to be what drives you to work and back home at night. This action verb is what overcomes the arguments, disagreements and division in a relationship.
  
• Love is a choice. You choose to love your spouse. If love doesn't get past feelings then this will be a long row to hoe. In this choice of loving the other, forgiveness becomes easier, forgetting the others errors becomes easier and working together in the home becomes easier. Don't get me wrong, marriage is always going to be hard work, but that work is a whole lot easier with the right tools and the right tool to have is choosing to love the other.
  
• Love is from God. In the beginning of time there was love and communication between the members of the Trinity. This very character and essence of God is what he desires for us to live out in our homes and church and community. Not a love based on performance orientation or a love that is like plucking flower petals (he loves me, he loves me not).
  

A powerful key to a happy marriage is found in Ephesians 5:25- "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her." When I talk with a husband who is frustrated with his wife about something this is my go-to verse. Likewise, by go-to verse for wives is found a few verses later (33): "The wife must respect her husband."

There is power in love when this love is love from God. When two people come together they are experiencing something that words can hardly define. And yet the world tries and messes it up all the time.

Love is that very essence of your life so that whatever you do you do out of love for God, love for your spouse, love for your family, love for your church and love for others. Love puts others before you.

 

Fourth: Purpose in Marriage.

Sex is for marriage and marriage only between a man and a woman. There is no room given to "civil unions" or marriages of people of the same sex in Scripture.

"The Puritan doctrine of sex was a watershed in the cultural history of the West. The Puritans devalued celibacy, glorified companionate marriage, affirmed marriage sex as both necessary and pure, established the ideal of wedded romantic love and exalted the role of the wife." In other words, the Puritans brought a sexual reformation to Christianity and the world.

God purposes in a marriage that the couple should love Him.

God also purposes in a marriage that the couple should love each other.

God then purposes in a marriage that the couple serves the Church.

When a man and woman set these in their sights they will find a marriage that will really work.

Conclusion: they lived happily ever after.

I'm not sure what "happily ever after" is supposed to mean but what I do know is that this life we are living is no fairy tale.

Your marriage will face obstacles and we as the Church of God in all the world will be facing difficult days. How do we take this commandment now and go into all the world with the message that Jesus saves?

First, live a pure life. Whether married, divorced, widowed, or single be pure in all of your actions toward others. Somehow when our relationships are what they should be, we will live this "happily ever after" kind of life. Maybe not like the fairy tales suggest but a life that is at peace with others and with God.

Second, follow after Jesus. I cannot help but believe that the person who puts their hand in Jesus' hand is going to live happily ever after. When a person lets the Holy Spirit have control of their life they always become something better than they could have otherwise.

Third, guard your life. Ephesians 4:27 warns us: "do not give the devil a foothold." Guard your heart and mind against this culture that would lead you into living for the wrong purpose and doing what your heart knows is the wrong thing. It's amazing how selfishness can destroy even the best of relationships no matter what level or area that relationship. Sports teams, companies, churches and homes are destroyed when the seed of selfishness is allowed to fester and grow.

Fourth, learn the art of forgiveness. There is nothing that will do more harm than an attitude of unforgiveness- both toward others and toward yourself. Forgive those who have trespassed against you. Forgive yourself for your own foolishness and sin. Allow the blood of Christ to cleanse your life and make you whole.