Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Genesis 4:1-16

A few years ago (2004) a Chinese movie hit theatres and was a box office smash called “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” The plot of the movie was about a sword that was stolen as well as two women who were fighting for standing in a society that honored men far above women- especially in the martial arts.

The title of the movie reflected a Chinese proverb that meant: “Talented or dangerous people hidden from view.”

(source: Actress Zhang Ziyi web site- http://csc.ziyi.org/filmography/cthd/wangdulu/titlename.html)

And the movie seems to bear that out. Each character is hiding their true identity in order to avoid issues with other characters. In the end, the movie is tragedy as the main characters come to their demise in various ways.

I chose the title of this message not to reflect the movie but to reflect the reality of sin and problem of sins in the lives of people and especially God’s people. We expect sinners to sin. We anticipate that without Christ a person will be prone to committing sin. However, we don’t believe that it is ever okay for a Christian to commit sin.

And here lies the heart of the message today: sin is like a crouching tiger lying in wait at the door of your life. You face the temptation, you allow it to manifest itself in your life and pretty soon this sin masters you and controls who you really are- not the person you want people to think you are.

Furthermore, behind the sin crouching is the hidden dragon of Satan who is continually seeking whom he may devour. Jesus warns us that the evil one comes to steal, kill and destroy.

What is going on in your life?

1. Brotherly Differences.

Siblings are going to be different. I enjoy the relationships of 3 families: my biological family with 2 brothers and 2 sisters; my foster family with 2 brothers and 1 sister; and my wife’s family with 4 sister-in-laws and 1 brother-in-law. Trust me, we are all different and have all shared our differences over the years. But none to the point of what we see happening with Cain and Abel.

a) Cain- Older; Abel- Younger.

When Cain was born Eve simply says, “I have brought forth a man.” Most likely she was referencing her miraculous ability to bear a child and the very first one. When Abel was born there is no response recorded but I have to believe that she was just as thrilled with having a second child.

b) Cain- Farmer; Abel- Shepherd.

Cain was a worker of the soil. For most of us here, we hold a high regard for farmers. They literally feed the world and feed us. We don’t think too often of shepherds and ranchers- unless we’re looking for a good sweater or steak- or belt. But we don’t think any less of them. And we wouldn’t think any less of Cain or Abel if we happened to be their neighbors- actually brothers and sisters.

c) Cain’s offering was unacceptable; Abel’s offering was acceptable.

At the time of worship, the brothers brought gifts that came from their separate occupations. Cain’s was from the fruit of the soil. Abel’s from the flocks of the field. God chose to accept Abel’s but not Cain’s.

Now this is something that has troubled Bible scholars, commentators, pastors and Sunday school teachers for thousands of years. What was the problem? We teach you to offer whatever you have to the Lord because it all belongs to him anyway. Cain was not a shepherd, he was a farmer. Abel’s offering was easily accessable- he raised the sheep.

We cannot assume that Cain offered the wrong sacrifice. God wanted his kind of offerings as well. Leviticus 2 outlines the “Grain Offerings” and how those were to be handled.

So what was the problem?

d) Cain was a man of anger; Abel was a man of faith.

Hebrews 11:4 tells us that Abel was a man of faith. In fact, he is listed as the first example of being a person of faith. What we see is Abel’s inner attitude of faith as he made the offering. Cain did not carry this inner attitude. Instead, when Cain’s offering was rejected he became visibly anger – “his face was downcast.”

Sibling rivalries happen. Last week Naomi watched one of our twin grandsons take a toy from the other twin grandson. These things seem to start early.

But let’s not miss the greater principle here: Are you an man or woman of faith in God first? If so, we don’t get smug in our right choices as Christians but we love the brothers and sisters and mom and dad in our family. Furthermore, we love our brothers and sisters within this church family. and let’s not forget our Lord’s great command of loving our neighbor as our self.

God spoke to Cain. He warned him that “sin is crouching at your door.” What did he mean?

Think of a wild animal that is in its lair. As you approach the opening this animal is ready to leap out at you. The warning is clear: beware of becoming a slave to your jealousy.

God then tells Cain that you must master it. (v. 7) Cain had allowed hostility to fester inside of him. He was seething with envy and anger.

God’s acceptance or rejection was clearly based on not only the offering itself but also on the attitude of the heart. God told his prophets on numerous occasions that He did not want sacrifices as substitutes for lives of obedience and inner righteousness.

How easy it is for us to fall into that trap. In other words, God does not want you to come to church and do the church thing as a substitute for being obedient to Him and living a life of faith.

James 1:15- “After [evil] desire has conceived it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

In a literal sense, Cain was allowing evil desire to become full-grown in his life. And in so doing he chose a path of no return.

2. Cain’s Path of Jealousy.

In Galatians 5:19-21 the Apostle Paul lists what he refers to as acts of the sinful nature. Among these he names “hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage and selfish ambitions.” We have to be so careful that we do not allow the devil a foothold in our lives. You see, just as God warned Cain that sin was crouching at his door, so to for any of us- if we allow certain reactions and behaviors to manifest themselves- sin will be ready to destroy our heart, soul and life. And those around us.

Cain charted a course that would lead to destruction for both him and his brother. Here is a small example of that.

a) Envy.

Have you ever saw someone achieve something and suddenly became jealous of what they received? Or did you see someone receive something and become upset that they were succeeding and you weren’t?

Have you ever been passed up for a promotion and watched someone else of less work ethic and less creativity get a raise and promotion that you though you deserved?

Have you ever watched the boss-man praise someone else for their efforts, ideas and work but he or she rarely says anything positive to you?

These kinds of things create unfriendly feelings. That’s not the problem. We all get passed up in one way or another. We all are going to feel “dissed” by the boss, our spouse, our sibling, our neighbor, our pastor or anyone else out there. It’s going to happen. I’m sure that somewhere over the last 10 years I did not give someone credit for something- not intentionally. And you might be that person.

It’s going to happen. And the unfriendly feeling we get isn’t the problem. It’s when we allow this unfriendly feeling to stir up the emotions and cause us to think constant about it.

This is what happened to Cain. Rather than go to God and figure out the problem and seek counsel from another sister or brother, Cain chose to sulk over it. And his sulking turned into…

b) Hatred.

I find it unbelievable that people can hate each other but it does happen. I find it hard to believe that even church people can find themselves caught in this vicious cycle. Why? Sin is crouching at their door and behind the sin is the hidden dragon of the devil willing to do anything to deceive the hearts of people.

Hatred is the opposite of love. Hatred speaks of division between you and someone else. Hatred creates hostility which leads to arguments, strife between the two parties and even a literal fight. The courts are filled with this and jails keep taking on people who have allowed hatred to come to full bloom.

And for Cain this hatred eventually turned to…

c) Murder.

In a day when there were no guns Cain found a way to carry out the dark thoughts of the human heart. His passionate outburst of anger became murder. The result was blood poured on the ground and how God’s heart must have broken that day.

Anyone can feel as though they would never go that far. Yes, the prisons are filled with psychotic people who kill as easily as they get dressed in the mornings. But prisons also hold people who have killed someone in an outburst of anger.

God had warned Cain. He spoke to Cain about this sin-directed pride. But Cain refused to listen.

Anytime we refuse to listen to God we will experience as Cain did…

3. Results of Sin.

Sin always has a negative result. You might feel good blasting someone’s character behind their back but somehow it will hurt you in the end.

a) An unthinkable occurrence.

Cain lures Abel into a field and murders him. Afterwards, God comes to Cain again and asks him, “Where is your brother?”

Cain responds with those now infamous words: “I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

MacArthur points out that this is a play on words. Earlier we read that Abel kept sheep. Some versions of the Bible refer to Abel as a keeper of sheep. This is the same sense. In a way, Cain is not very repentant for what he had done. He lies about knowing where is brother is when in fact he knows what he did to him and he doesn’t care about where Abel is.

Envy turned to hatred and hatred to murder. When sin is full grown it gives birth to death.

b) An earthly punishment.

Cain is sent out to be a fugitive and vagabond. He will not succeed as a farmer. He does marry and started a city. However, he carried a mark on him that kept others from killing him. No one is sure what that mark is but it was something that warned others.

But there is something worse than the earthly punishment:

c) An eternal punishment.

Verse 16 says: “So Cain went out from the Lord’s presence…” There can be no worse punishment than to be dismissed from God’s presence. Cain’s parents, Adam and Eve, were sent out of the perfect world of the Garden of Eden because of their sin. Cain is sent out of a perfect relationship with God. A kind of spiritual death took place that day.

So what do we learn from this terrible tragedy? How can we better in our lives?

Conclusion: Practical Lessons- Winning the Battle for your soul.

There is a battle for your soul. And the devil will do whatever he can to deceive you, trip you up and destroy your life. But God provides a better way. Remember, he told Cain that he must master the sin that is crouching at his door. How do we do that?

a) Guard your emotions.

We are human beings not robots. We have very real emotions that get hurt easily. Even the strongest of men face these issues. How we handle them is of utmost importance.

Guard your emotions. Get into God’s word regularly. Pray for those who spitefully use you and say all manner of evil against you.

Guard your heart. When confronted with being wrong then admit it, apologize and seek forgiveness. And then don’t do it anymore.

Cain had every opportunity to get closer to God. He could have sought out why his offering was unacceptable. But I have a feeling he knew better. He had a heart of rebellion.

b) Value your relationships.

Value your family members, your friends, your church family and your neighbors enough to hold them close and to love them appropriately. What do I mean? Trying to control other people is a dicey issue. But loving them as God enables you to love them is the best way.

Do relationships challenge us? Absolutely. But you can love others- even that surly neighbor who wants to argue property lines with you.

c) Be victorious through Jesus Christ.

Galatians 5:22-23 speaks of the fruit of the Spirit. Those who belong to Jesus Christ live by the power of the Holy Spirit. The result is a life of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

d) Learn the art of forgiveness.

You can’t really move on in life unless you know how to forgive people even when they intentionally hurt you. And you need to learn how to forgive yourself as well. (Sermon in a couple of weeks about this.

e) Live a testimony of love and grace.

As a result your life will be a testimony of love and grace. When you are wrong you admit it and people know that about you. When someone says evil about you your response are words of love and forgiveness. When the world is against you, you know that God is for you who can be against you.

Back in my Bible college days we experienced a revival of sorts. The Holy Spirit moved in the hearts of students and staff for several weeks. The altars were lined constantly as we sought desperately sought God. Chapel services were filled with testimonies of what God was doing. What an incredible time!

But the true highlight of this revival was not the altars full of people seeking God- as great as that was; it was not the testimonies of students and staff at Chapel; it was the seeking out of each other and making confession of wrong attitudes and actions.

A change took place for the rest of that school year. We became more sensitive to the things we said to each other and how we handled issues of relationships.

My life was further molded into and towards the image of Christ that semester as a result of what God was doing in the lives of others and in me.

2 Corinthians 13:5- “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you- unless, of course, you fail the test?”

What does God want you to commit to Him this morning? Are there areas of envy and even hatred towards someone else that shouldn’t be in your heart?

This is an opportunity for you to commit your heart to the Lord right now and allow the Holy Spirit to work again in your life with the love of Christ.

HOW SHALL YOU THEN BE ANGRY?

August 3, 2008

Ecclesiastes 7:9, James 1:9, Mark 3:1-6, 10:13-16, 11:15-17

Note: Message adapted from David Thompson God’s Healing for Hurting Families Chapter 7 “From Destruction to Dynamic” pp.101-116

What do you do with anger? Sometimes we aren’t sure how anger should be dealt with but be assured that how you deal with anger makes all the difference in the world you live in with the people you live with and the person of Christ that you live for.

Anger, as we have learned, is a natural part of life. Without anger we would be dead meat. But with anger, we can do a lot of damage that for some people will never be undone.

So, how do you deal with anger? There are three ways that we handle anger. Remember, with anger there is good and bad. There’s constructive and there’s destructive.

Suppression- I’m angry but I am not going to show it. Suppression is what we might think of as good. That’s true to a degree. However, this kind of anger can also be very lethal in that when you suppress your feelings over years there can be an exploding point in some way. That explosion may be in a multitude of health problems or a sudden nervous breakdown of some kind. Remember, again, that it is constructive to suppress anger but that there is also a destructive manner to suppress anger.

Repression- I’m angry but I don’t know it or I deny that I am. This is the Christian’s favorite way to deal with anger. We deny it. We become like Dr. Leo Marvin in the movie “What About Bob?” In it, you can see he’s beginning to burn with anger but says, instead, “I’m not angry, Bob. I don’t get angry.” All the while everyone watching the movies sees that he is angry.

Expression- I’m angry and somebody’s going to know I’m angry. This the most popular view of anger and perhaps rightly so. There is little respect for a man who has an unbridled anger. People suffer all sorts of consequences over anger that is not under any sort of control. I do believe that we can express our anger constructively. The worst kind is in the destructive mode.

Anger occurs when boundaries, integrity or rights of someone has been violated. When the dog urinates on the new carpet a boundary has been desecrated. When a child is told that they are worthless their integrity has been abused. When someone ignores the felt needs of another human being then their rights are infringed upon. And in that instance the resulting anger can be suppressed, repressed or expressed.

Jesus shows us how to properly deal with anger and the things to be angry about. First, though, I want us to consider…




1. RIGHTING THE WRONG RIGHTS.

Too often our anger gets the best of us because we have perceived that our rights in some way have been violated. And when we allow our selves to become defensive about our personal territory or boundaries we become ready for war.

What are some of those boundaries? Well, I have witnessed a few instances when there were expressions of anger that were unwarranted:

Dinner was late being fixed.

Shirt wasn’t ironed properly.

Somebody lost the remote.

Any one of the tiny issues can suddenly cause an explosion in some households. What do we do about our own misunderstanding of our rights being wronged? What can we do to correct this problem?

a. Go beyond justifying your anger.

This sounds too simple and it is. Too often we can fall into the trap of justifying our self-centered anger. The question is not whether or not you were justified in being angry but whether or not you will allow God to help resolve that anger. This requires the intentional pursuit of holy love.

b. Admit responsibility your anger.

When you are intentionally pursuing holy love in all of your relationships, then you must come to that place to admit your own responsibility for your anger reactions. You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see. In admitting responsibility to your self and to God you begin that first step to…

c. Surrender your anger.

The very essence of holiness is surrender of my will and my way to God. This includes the hurt and pain I suffer (or perceive to suffer). By surrendering your anger to God begins the process of God healing your broken heart and healing the wounds that have been inflicted. This does not mean getting rid of your capacity for anger or surrendering responsibility for your anger. “It rather involves owning that anger as a creation endowment meant to serve your needs and bring glory to God.” (Thompson)

d. Learn forgiveness.

To apologize to God or your wife or kids or neighbors is actually the easy part. To apologize to your self can be a whole other story. However, you must come to that place of learning not only to seek forgiveness but to also forgive your self.
What we are not looking for is cheap forgiveness. Family members should hold you accountable for your anger. The Church should hold you accountable for your anger. YOU should hold your self accountable for your anger. What we are looking for in the whole process of forgiveness is, what Thompson calls, authentic forgiveness.

Authentic forgiveness does not mean letting someone off the hook but it does mean that you, me, us relinquish our right to retaliate.

To forgive your self means that you relinquish the right to hurt your self and demean your self. To forgive your self means that you will seek the necessary help to be an overcomer in Christ.

There’s another aspect of this forgiveness issue that comes to mind. Too often we who have struggles with anger problems usually grew up in an atmosphere that caused us early childhood pain. Now, I’m not going to get into a lot of depth nor am I suggesting a valid excuse for bad behavior. A lot of people grew up in bad homes but they don’t shoot people at work because of it.

In the book The Good Guy by Dean Koontz, these words jumped off the pages and into my notebook: “Under a lot of anger is a sewer of self-pity.” Whether this is totally true or not may be left to debate but what strikes me is that a lot of anger that people display involves unresolved issues from the past. They saw examples of the wrong kind of anger that was often directed at them. Feelings of self-worth were flushed and they have a hard time expressing and processing their true feelings.

The fact is that we all have unresolved issues from childhood and our early years and even regrettable acts on our part. And these issues will likely remain unresolved the rest of our lives. However, how we deal with anger as Christians will make a world of difference in the Christian faith of our children and those around us. What we have to do is learn to forgive those in our past- especially the short-coming of our parents. We may even need to seek counseling. Believe it or not, just because you’ve become a Christian does not mean that you ceased being human.

e. Seek reconciliation.

Seeking reconciliation is important both to the offended and the offender. For you as the offended, find ways to help the person who is easily angered and hurts you. At the same time, you as the offender need to discover ways to vent your anger, walk away from the situation and/or retreat until you have cooled off.

Steps 8 and 9 of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous spells out the issue of reconciliation quite well: “We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” And, “We mad direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Making amends reminds us that reconciliation will often involve restitution. This means that we are willing to pay for the material damage inflicted and even do a “penance” of work for those we offended.

Here’s the deal: nlike Spock on “Star Trek,” we are not Vulcans who have no emotions like you humans. We come equipped with anger straight from our manufacturer: God. God has emotions. God gets angry. So if God gets angry what does he get angry about? God gets angry about sin, injustice and hypocrisy. What we learn is not how to correct our wife or kids but we must learn that we need to be…

2. CORRECTING THE RIGHT PROBLEMS.

A lot of people like to try and correct others and their short-comings but never see their own. Jesus shows us the kinds of things that need to be corrected. He teaches us by his actions what are the right problems.

To get a clearer picture for us as believers about how to be angry we need to see up front and personal the One of whom we are supposed to follow. Jesus got angry about some things. Therefore, it behooves us to be angry at the things that made Jesus angry.

The Gospel of Mark chooses to give us three pictures of anger in Jesus’ life.

a. Religious Tradition over Healing of People.

Here we see Jesus on the Sabbath Day in a synagogue. There are four parties involved: Jesus, a man with a crippled hand, people watching to see if Jesus would heal the man and the Pharisees who loved their letter of the law more than God. God’s instruction through Moses commanded that there be a “hollowing” of the Sabbath by refraining from work. By the time Jesus showed up, the devout Jews had developed some elaborate traditional laws to keep the Sabbath.

Jesus senses the heaviness of the situation. He realizes that he is crossing over a sacred boundary that had been kept for centuries. However, he also sees the hypocrisy of the holy. He questions the keeping of the Sabbath over the healing of the person. What does Jesus do? He heals the man.

b. Abuse of the “Little Ones.”

In this picture, people are bringing their children to Jesus for him to bless. Jesus disciples begin to impede this by rebuking the parents. Remember, children in the ancient world were counted for little and especially if you were female. Even in Jewish society, children were at the bottom of the social ladder. The disciples saw that they were hampering Jesus’ valuable time.

Jesus became indignant. He rebuked them, instead, and called on them to become like children in their hearts. And then he put his hands on the children and blessed them.

c. Religion as Route to Power.

The third picture we see is found in the temple court. Jesus sees money-changers in the temple court doing what, probably at the beginning, was well-intentioned assistance for out of town worshippers coming into the Temple. However, this assistance had turned into thievery and fraud. The people were being bilked of their money so that those in charge could profit- extending their own power over the people. Jesus was incensed. He turned over the tables and chased them out- probably to a cheering crowd. There was no way he would allow religion- especially His religion- become a route to power by stepping on the backs of others.

In these three cases, we see anger as a constructive method rather than destructive. Here, anger is not some out of control behavior but a method of showing the truth.

So how do we take these actions of Jesus and move them into our hearts as believers?

3. LIVING THE RIGHT EXAMPLE

Jesus gives us the right example of expressing anger. He shows us how we are to truly be an angry human. He shows you how you should then be angry.

a. Heal others.

Jesus was not afraid to rock the boat in order to reveal the heart of God for the hurting. We have to be willing to take criticism and the like in order to see that the lives of the lost are healed. To reach those mired down by sin requires Christians like us to become angry about sin and what sin is doing to our families and neighbors. Are you angry about the lostness of humanity?

b. Intervene on behalf of the Little Ones.

Jesus stepped in and confronted his own friends, the disciples. There are times we have to confront our best friends for their mis-behavior. It doesn’t mean that we hate them but it does mean that we love truth and fairness. Jesus’ intervention brought blessing to the children and their parents, and it also brought a new revelation to his followers.

c. Embrace and Bless the Little Ones.

Jesus not only blessed the little one but put his hands on them.

When was the last time any of us blessed the lost with our touch? Are we game to get down into the muck and change the lives of those who are not like us? This means that we will not treat the lost as though they had leprosy or some infectious disease but that we will put our selves at holy risk for the Gospel of Christ.

d. Commit to Long-term help for Offenders.

Jesus didn’t dump his disciples and get new ones because of their lack of regard for all of human life. Instead, he spent time with them to teach the right way to live. Especially for those of us in ministry, we can become frustrated when people don’t see the world as we see it. However, Jesus kept living out the Gospel message and kept teaching and praying so that these same insensitive disciples would grow and learn and put into practice the right practices on how to live.

e. Act Vigorously to Expel and Restrain Evil.

Simply getting angry about sin is not going to accomplish a whole lot. Our anger needs to be like Jesus’ anger- tied to compassion and love. The extortioners and embezzlers in the temple not only were kicked out of the temple but they got a lesson about the treatment of God’s worship.

We are called by God to do as Jesus and walk in His steps. To do so calls on to become activists against evil. We may not be Superman or Batman or one of the Fantastic Four, but we are Christians who are supposed be possessed by the power of God for the salvation of all of humanity. This means that sin will anger us and the power it holds over our loved ones and others will anger us.

Conclusion:

Are we serious about our anger? If so, I would like us as one body of Christ to pray the following prayer about anger. I believe that we are in this together as Christians.

“Heavenly Father, help me to be angry about the things that make you angry. May the Holy Spirit empower me to handle anger in the right way; help me to be self-disciplined about anger so that I do not hurt those closest to me; and enable me to display the right kind of anger in every situation. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

THE ANGER MATRIX

July 27, 2008

Genesis 4:2b-8, Proverbs 14:17, Ephesians 4:29-32

Key verse: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (v. 31)

I recently read where a man in Wisconsin was so angered by his lawn-mower refusing to start that he hauled out his short-barrel shotgun and put a bullet into it. He figured that it put the lawn mower and him self out of misery. Instead, he was arrested for unlawful use of a firearm and disorderly conduct. He argued that he had a right to shoot his lawn mower if he wanted; it belonged to him.

Anger is the fuel for life. Without anger you nor I could function realistically in the world. We need a level of emotion that moves us to do things and save lives in the process- maybe our own and those closest to us.

It’s okay to get angry over the unrighteousness we see in our world. However, if we allow anger to burn deep within us, it may cause us to do things that are regrettable.

In recent news, we have seen the deaths of people because of anger over circumstances that went beyond what should be lawful or ethical. Murder is not the answer a problem that stirs up anger.

This morning I want to try and help us differentiate anger. It may seem a bit confusing but yet I hope that by slicing this anger into some compartments you will be helped in dealing with anger issues in your own life.

There are four faces of anger by Dr. Mark Gorkin that I want to use as our backdrop to helping you get off the road of rage and getting on to the path of peace. Dr. Gorkin is a psychologist who specializes with anger management issues and has worked with the U.S. Postal Service on this topic. He portrays anger with a matrix that outlines four key areas that of which anger displays itself.

Remember from last week that anger is not the problem. The problem is how we handle anger and what that does to those especially close to us. It is so frustrating to see young families and old families become torn apart by anger issues. In his book God’s Healing for Hurting Families, Dr. David Thompson shares the anger issues at stake in his family- a pastor’s home, of all things, and the healing that God can bring to our homes. He says that “giving your anger to God involves healing for damaged emotions.” What a loaded statement to think about.

Anger expressed is far too often anger that has been boiling and composting for years under the surface. God desires for us to use this emotion in the right way and for the right purposes. But before we get into that (next week) let’s consider the Anger Matrix and see what anger looks like.

1. Defining the Terminology.

a. Purposeful: Intentional anger and with a significant degree of consideration, calculation and self-control.

b. Spontaneous: Spur-of-the-moment outburst of anger that has very little pre-meditation or planning. There is a little moderate self-control.

c. Constructive: Anger expression with integrity and boundaries. This is when anger expressions affirms and acknowledges one’s integrity and boundary without intending to threaten or violate another person’s integrity or boundary.

d. Destructive: Anger expression lacking integrity or respect. This is when the anger expression intends to protect one’s self-interest by threatening or violating another person’s integrity and boundary. This kind of anger may be intentional or non-intentional.

2. Distinguishing the Anger.
We are going to show you four skits of the same situation that will help us define the differences of how anger is handled. We have the father whose son has arrived home later than the 11pm curfew with the family car. This son has neglected to call ahead to inform nor has he a good reason for being late.

a. ASSERTION: Purposeful and Constructive.

In this scenario, the father acknowledges immediately his own feelings by saying, “I’m angry.” He then goes on to clarify his own emotions, expectations and future limits. When he says, “I want to talk with you” he’s expressing the need for them to interact to solve the problem together.

b. HOSTILITY: Purposeful and Destructive. (Cain and Abel- Genesis 4:2b-8)

The second scenario shows an irrational hostility. What we have seen shows not only of still being in control, but this time includes a level of hostility that seems a bit over the top. The child is told that he is irresponsible (true or not), that he “made me sick with worry” (probably) and his trustworthiness is questioned. When these kinds of statements are made they cut to the heart of the other person and takes down their own self-esteem. Comments such as these and in the same tenor can make a child, spouse or acquaintance feel worthless and even take on the characteristics of which they are told they are.

This kind of anger is referred to by Thompson as “passive aggressive” anger. This kind of anger is veiled under a certain level of thoughtfulness. People who don’t suddenly lose their cool are considered are more socially acceptable. This “Godfather” type of anger is then express through the wife not doing certain things to get back at her husband or the husband doing things to get back at the wife but all with a veneer of smile and cheeriness. Anger is anger whether it’s a blow-up or grimaced smile.

c. PASSION: Spontaneous and Constructive.

This time the father reacts with passion. The son answers. The difference is that the father has a sense of self-integrity and healthy respect for his son’s boundaries. On the spontaneous side the father expresses his feelings and so is the son. On the constructive side the father indicates that a meeting will ensue the next day when cooler heads are more likely to prevail.

This approach is critical to most of us here. Most people I would argue tend to express themselves more spontaneously when confronted with a problem. This approach is critical, especially if you have 1) reservations about turning the confrontation into a win-lose or right-wrong battle; 2) you hope not to damage the relationship; 3) you desire for both of you to learn something from the situation.

This means that a healthy respect for each other needs to be in place to protect the relationship. It’s okay to express your hurt and frustration. It is also okay for the other person to express their excuse. Sometimes one or both need some separation or even some sleep to better deal with the problem or disagreement.

d. RAGE: Spontaneous and Destructive.

This time the father responds with outright rage at his son. His explosion includes name-calling, strong words (maybe even swearing if you aren’t in church) and threats that include doing bodily harm. This is a bullying tactic intended to bring down the son. The son has no way or opportunity to respond and even if he did, the father would not hear or listen. Whether this father is projecting his own sense of helplessness, fear or control is not the issue. The problem is that great harm is being done to the relationship. Worst, this may signal the beginning of the end for this father and his son.

These scenarios are by no means the only ones but certainly communicate to us the potential problems that anger can cause.

So what can we do as Christians to deal with anger issues? What if you have already given the devil a foothold with your anger? Let me give us some ideas that hopefully will disarm the evil one’s hold in our lives.

3. Disarming the Devil.

A lot of times we think of alcoholism as a major problem for families as well as drug use and the like. However, perhaps more debilitating that this is anger. When anger takes hold of a home, everyone is affected and hurt. The pain goes deep and cuts out the heart of child while he or she is young.

There are three aspects to deactivating the wrong anger and activating the right anger.

a. Establish a New Purpose for Life.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (v. 29)

What should come out of your mouth when you speak? When Paul speaks of “talk” that comes out of your mouth, this is not an exhaustive statement about angry words but includes any communication of sinful anger. Remember the little Sunday School diddy? "Be careful little mouth what you say... There's a Father up above, looking down to you in love, so be careful little mouth what you say."

b. Experience the Spirit Power for Living.

“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit.” (v. 30) These words should signal the end of the sinful life for the Christian. And if you are prone to anger problems then you need to understand that there is a power of the Holy Spirit that not only changes your heart but changes your actions. What grieves the Holy Spirit is when we use the flesh to try and achieve what we need in the Spirit. This grieves the very heart of God.

You need to experience a fresh wind and fresh fire of the Holy Spirit in your life. To pray on one hand and then to live a life of rage on the other is unbiblical and wrong. In fact, I would conjecture that it is nearly impossible to pray in the Spirit and be filled with anger at the same time. “Be not drunk with wine (or anger) but filled with the Holy Spirit.”

c. Express a Biblical Process for Feelings.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” (v. 32)

Sometimes we just don’t know how to express day to day the right way of doing things- especially when it comes to anger problems. Let me now give you some practical tips for processing your feelings without allowing it to handicap your marriage or relationships with other people.

 No name calling. Words may not break my bones but they do cut to the soul. Name calling hurts people.

 Don’t be a “last word” freak. Learn to just walk away. You don't always need the last word. Escalation happens when people have to have the last word.

 Respect the integrity of others. Each person has boundaries and we need to respect those boundaries. We need to regard the dignity of every human person we encounter regardless of who they are or what they represent.

 Get rid of sinful anger. Give your anger to God. Don't say: "I'm not going to get angry again." Instead, say: "When I do get angry I'm going to give that anger to God."

 Live a life of love. Perhaps the greatest advice I can give you is to take time and read 1 Corinthians 13. This chapter gives us a great guideline on loving others and not putting ourselves on anger's edge.


CONCLUSION.

In the end of things, we have to give our anger to God. And this is what I want to do in these closing moments of prayer.

GETTING OFF THE ROAD OF RAGE

July 20, 2008

Ephesians 4:26-27

“In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Most of us drove right on through this past by not realizing it was Road Rage Awareness Week here in Michigan.

The American Automobile Association prepared a study that showed over 10,000 car accidents incited by angry drivers, 12,610 injuries and 218 deaths. Road Rage involves people of all ages though a significant number are men in their twenties. Eighty to ninety per cent of us will have an encounter with someone with road rage. (www.roarrinc.org)

Anger, however, is not confined to the highways and byways of life. Anger comes to us every day and in big ways and small ways.

How we deal with anger says a lot about our character and who we really are. People who have learned to handle anger properly learn self-discipline techniques that help them cope with unforeseen problems. Others have learned more importantly the value of God’s forgiveness and the work of the Holy Spirit in their heart and life. Others continually ask God to forgive them only to blow up once again at the newspaper carrier or the garbage truck man. Over and over. Others simply swallow the problem even though they wish they had the guts to tell someone like it is.

What brings on anger? There are three very important catalysts to anger of which only one of them is needed to create the dynamic we call anger. What are they?

1) Injury. Someone does harm to you or someone or something you care about.

2) Insult. Someone levels a wrong word either at you or against you. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Most of us DON’T live by that mantra. No one likes to be insulted.

3) Injustice. Whenever your cherished belief is violated you feel the brunt of unfairness and this will make you angry. Maybe you see a white police officer targeting only Hispanic drivers. That violates your sense of right and wrong.

4) Invasion. This is when your personal space is violated by someone else. Oftentimes someone will attempt to intimidate by stepping into your personal area or taking a hold of something that belongs to you.

5) Intention. The previous four will give way to this fifth aspect of anger and you sense an energy that moves you to do something about being injured, insulted, the injustice or invaded.

What we have to understand is that not all anger is bad. Without anger there would be no United States of America. Without anger slavery would still be an issue for us today. Without anger, we would still be lost as sinners.

Of course, we don’t need to go far in the church to understand examples of anger. God himself became very angry with his people for their continual failures of following his will. Jesus on a couple of occasions overturned the tables in the temple and chased out the money-changers because what he saw happening was wrong- and it angered him.

Let’s be clear that anger is a double edged sword. There is good anger and there is wrong anger. Good anger gets upset by things or situations in life that are proper to get upset about. Anger against slavery caused Orange Scott and Luther Lee to take matters into their own hands when their church denomination refused to deal with the wrong-ness of slavery. Eventually, not only did they give aid to runaway slaves but they started our denomination- the Wesleyan Methodist Connection.

I will spend some time on the issue is that all of us are affected by anger- whether it be within our selves or the brunt from other people. I believe that anger is a bigger problem in homes than we will admit. And so for the next several weeks I will be addressing various aspects of anger because I truly believe that if we can win with anger we can win in our families, in our church and in our community and world.

My goal for you is that you would get off the road of anger and live on the path of peace. On the path of peace you still get angry but about the right things and you deal with them in the right way.

I have three observations about anger that need to be tackled today:

1. The Answers to Anger.

Anger is one of those natural emotions that you can’t live with nor can you live without. Anger costs the angered broken televisions and windows, damaged cars and other things destroyed. Worst are the marriages and families shredded apart by one person’s unbridled anger.

Anger is a raw emotion just like sexuality, hunger and love. When used in the wrong way anger is its most destructive. When use properly anger is very constructive. Differentiating the difference is critical for us if we are to be the kind of Christian God has called us to be.

a. Anger as natural.

There are those who see anger as just a natural thing that everybody has and that needs to be harnessed. I agree to some degree with this ideal. What is important to understand from the Apostle Paul’s words is “be angry and sin not.” Because anger is such a raw emotion, a person might be angry one time and not sin but yet get angry the next time and sin.

b. Anger as acceptable.

John Rambo is an angry man. And in the movie, “First Blood” he lashes out at law enforcement and society. Rambo’s anger represents to a lot of Americans as acceptable anger.

c. Anger as the answer.

For some people, anger is the only answer. They learn early that if they throw a tantrum or pout they can get their own way. They never learn that a kind word turneth away wrath. They always see anger and its trappings as the way to live.

d. Anger for everyone.

The reality is that everyone does get angry. The person who says, “I don’t get angry” is not being honest about who they are or they are on drugs or drowning their anger in other ways.

However, hostile anger- of which I will be differentiating next week- is not the answer to life’s problems. And the point I want us to wrap our minds around is that when anger becomes unbiblical and against God’s word and things holy then we’ve got a problem.

There is a price-tag that dangles from every wrong anger incident. What does anger cost you?

2. The Costs of Anger.

In the movie “As Good as it Gets” Jack Nicholson plays the part of a wealthy writer who has a bit of an anger outburst problem. He gets easily angered when things don’t go to his specifications.

Think about it: anger costs you something. It costs you the things you have as well as the relationships that are most important. When you lose your cool and lash out at a family member with no concern for their emotional well-being, you are being selfish and self-centered to only make your self feel better. But the problem is that in the end you don’t feel better. Afterwards, you apologize or worst, pretend it never happened. Your spouse, your kids or your neighbors move on hoping not to set you off again.

When anger is unbridled and unfettered there is cost that far exceeds the cost of replacing a window or television. When a person lashes out in anger they could, and many have, receive financial and institutional costs for their crimes. Parking lots are great places to get angry and so are highways and village streets.


Cost #1 – Your Health
It has been well documented that chronic, high levels of anger are associated with an increased risk for health problems. How often anger is experienced and how it is expressed during periods of emotional distress are significant factors in determining the impact on one’s health. It is not uncommon for a person to suffer heart attacks and strokes as a result of unrelenting anger in their life.

Cost #2 – Your Self-Esteem
Although the expression of anger may feel good at the moment, it often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and remorse. On a cognitive level, one might realize that his or her response was overblown, misdirected, and unwarranted. The result, in most cases, is damage to one’s self-esteem. You feel anger towards yourself and these kinds of feelings can lead to a poor outlook on your life and lead to some very detrimental consequences.

Cost #3 – Your Relationships
Very few things can damage a relationship as much as the inability to manage one’s anger. Frequent and/or intense outbursts, whether verbal or physical, can destroy marriages, break apart families, and ruin friendships. So many times we have sat with couples whose anger has endangered their marriage. There is no place for abusive anger in any relationship. No woman should tolerate the abuses of a husband or boyfriend who displays uncontrolled anger.

Cost #4 – Your Children
The effect on children of witnessing chronic and intense anger in the household can be devastating. Children who are the victims of anger grow up with anger problems of their own. Any one who believes that their childhood abuse didn’t affect them is not looking in the mirror properly. Children should not live in fear of mom or dad- at any time other than the proper kind of fear when they have done wrong. No child should ever have to fear for their well-being with their parents or the well-being of another sibling or one of their parents.

Cost #5 – The Workplace
What gets accomplished in the workplace, both quantitatively and qualitatively, can be severely compromised by poorly managed anger, frustration, and resentment. People thing that anger doesn’t cost them at work are in a fantasy world. Anger issues cost companies money, cost the workers raises and affects the outcomes of a business.

Cost #6 – Your Spirituality
We must not under-estimate the toll that anger takes on a person’s relationship with God. When a person allows themselves to engage in fits of rage they allow Satan to have not only a foothold in their life but they allow Satan to control their life. And this is not conducive to the Christian way of living.

The scriptures make clear the problems of anger for the follower of Christ. We are to “live at peace with all men.” This call is not about peace treaties but about a life that is truly one of peace and care.

The costs of anger are far too great for us to ignore. Let me now share some…

3. Tips for Anger Management.

In order to manage anger there needs to be a few things in place. One of them is that you need to have Jesus Christ in the right perspective of your life. Too often people will use “Jesus” as their weapon of choice when they are angry- in the wrong way and context. Something else that needs to be in the right perspective is understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in handling anger in the proper way.

There are two areas of your life that

Physical/Emotional:

1) Rest: Get your sleep.

2) Nutrition: Eat properly.

3) Time Management: Learn to schedule your self.

4) Laugh a little: Don’t take others too seriously.

5) Laugh a lot: Don’t take your self too seriously.

Spiritual:

6) Devotions: Take God and His Word seriously.

7) Forgiveness: Forgive others just God has forgiven you.

8) Grace: Live a life of Grace first.

9) Justice: Let God avenge your injury.

10) Surrender: Give it all to Jesus.