August 24, 2008
Proverbs 18:22; Ephesians 5:21-33
[This was a two part sermon- partly because I digressed more than I anticipated.]
Introduction:
I was bagging groceries, minding my own business when this cute, dark haired girl frolicked through the check-out lane I was working. I put on my best muscle show for her as I crowded four packs of Charmin into rectangle paper bags. And in that moment all of history was about change- in my life, her life, your lives and countless others. That seventeen year old boy fell in love and was changed forever.
If there ever was an argument against evolution and if there ever was an argument against the concept of atheism, love would be the very thing to raise. How can conscious creatures like us human beings fall in love with another? How can we explain love in real terminology?
Love is truly a many splendored thing. And the love between a man and woman- the kind of love that changes lives- can only come from God.
What do you know about your marriage and what happened on that wedding day?
A few weeks ago I performed an Indian Wedding ceremony. I stood before the bride and groom and the whole company of witnesses to lead them into vows that I pray will carry them and their love for the rest of their days. I wore a traditional tribal shirt that represented the Woodlands Indians- of which the Ottawas are considered. An elder in the tribe gifted me with a bone and beaded collar- he jokingly called a “choker.” With these I stood with the marriage manual- the Bible- and led them into the riches of God’s grace called marital bliss.
But what happens so often after the ceremony is what makes or breaks a marriage. Today, I want to break down this concept of love and marriage for us so that we can come away with a greater understanding and appreciation for this wonderful gift of God in our lives.
1. Marriage Commended.
God loves to see love blossom in the life of his creation. Unlike animals that have only a primal concept of love, we as human beings long to love and be loved. And despite the problems that marriages experience, marriage is commended by the scripture.
Proverbs 18:22- “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 19:14- “Houses and riches are an inheritance from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
A person receives an inheritance that is tangible and legally passed on to the next generation. But to receive a godly wife is truly God’s gift to the husband. I would hope that as men we appreciate the beautiful wife that we have been given.
The Apostle Paul writes to Timothy concerning the various family issues that this young pastor was facing. Concerning the young women whose husbands may have died in war he says this:
Hebrews 13:4- “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
In Ephesians the Apostle Paul reiterates the concept of marriage that God instituted in Genesis.
Jeremiah 29:6- “Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they may have sons and daughters. Increase in numbers there; do not decrease.”
The greatest influence a person can have is to be married, raise children and send them out. When Jim Eliott was being urged by his parents to stay in the States and minister, he responded by pointing out “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.” What is a quiver full of? Arrows. What are arrows meant for? Not remaining in the quiver but to be shot out. My calling as a parent is to send out my children to have families and influence the world.
And the Bible teaches that the proper way to have a full quiver is to be married first.
2. Marriage is an Obligation.
Genesis 2:24- “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Mark 10:8b-9- “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.”
The simplicity of the message cannot be overlooked: they will become one flesh.
a. One in body.
The sexual intimacy in a marriage brings the two to a physical one-ness.
b. One in soul.
There is an emotional binding over time as the married couple learns the idiosyncrasies of each other. They begin to think more in tune with the other, their wills become more conducive to each other’s, and their emotions become more influential with the other.
c. One in spirit.
As the couple matures spiritually, their marriage becomes more spiritual. What used to take excessive discipline now becomes regular habit. They are more spiritually in tune with each other’s needs.
This is why divorce is hell. Divorce is the shredding of a binding that was meant for eternity. The Bible speaks very strongly against divorce for this reason.
Jesus speaks these words:
Matthew 5:32- “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The marriage is supposed to be an example of Christ and the Church. When divorce occurs it must only be a last resort issue that is compelled by “unfaithfulness” circumstances. What those “unfaithfulness” circumstances are depends on the parties involved. Certainly, sexual infidelity is one that is highly ranked by scripture.
I would also personally add that if a woman is in a relationship where she is at high risk of physical and emotional danger, she maintains the right to leave that situation. There is no way that I would counsel someone to stay in a dangerous relationship of that kind.
Conclusion:
The week we spent an entire day at Six Flags Great America. Now, I am not into spinning rides. My wife is. She is not into roller coasters; I am. Because of her recent surgery she was to ride her favorite rides. I didn’t say, “Tough luck” and run off to the nearest coaster. Instead, we worked together to spend time together. We rode the train, we watched a movie about dolphins and we walked the park.
However, there were times when I did get to ride the roller coasters. And I was reminded once again that marriage has its ups and downs. Marriage has it difficult turns and twists. There are times of laughter and times of difficulty.
PART TWO
3. Marriage is an Exchange.
The success of a marriage is dependent on the exchange rate that we give it. How does a marriage work in the exchange factor? Through sacrifice. We give up something to gain something or someone greater.
If there is anything that I have learned about marriage, love and ministry its these three important concepts:
First, you get what you pay for. Whatever you want out of a marriage is what you invest into it. No question here. Those who put their marriage and family first will generally reap blessings and rewards for their sacrifices.
However, there is something else that I have learned…
Second, what you pay for is not always what you get. There are times that the parents’ sacrifices and best efforts are not enough. They pay the price to raise their children the right way and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Kids make choices because they have free wills. And sometimes as parents we just simply have leave them in God’s care.
Third, sometimes you get what you didn’t pay for. Sometimes and even many times there are those who have discovered that in their family circle there are benefits they receive- not because they have been so good or done so well- but “just because.” God in some extra-ordinary way blesses the mom or dad, the husband or wife, with relationship miracles. I can’t explain how seemingly dysfunctional parenting reaps positive results with the children.
Put that same thought into the marital realm. I have been the beneficiary of a wonderful wife- far more than I have paid for. But let’s not be naïve either: To make our marriage work we have made our share of sacrifices, worked through our share of frustrations together and have stayed faithful to the other.
Like a well-kept garden, you need to cultivate the soil of the marriage to reap the joys of Biblical love. And this is not an easy thing.
Genesis 29:20- “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.”
Hard work is never an issue if it’s worth the hard work. Jacob was so enamored with Rachel that his labor seemed easy. He never lost sight of his goal of wedding his true love Rachel. And even after being deceived by his father-in-law he willfully worked an additional seven years.
The great tragedy in our times is that people forget that there is a cost to marriage. You have to work to make a marriage work. A solid marriage doesn’t simply occur by fiat.
Song of Solomon 8:7- “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
What do we learn from this particular verse?
a. Love is invincible and unquenchable even when flooded by difficulty.
Every marriage becomes challenged by a variety of issues. Look at some of the wedding vows for a moment:
For better, for worse:
Believe me, after twenty-five years Naomi and I have see the better days and the worse days. We know what it is to scrimp and scrape to get by. And perhaps we will see better better days and maybe we’ll have to face worse worse days. But these things are in our Lord’s hands.
For richer, for poorer:
We know the poorer part far better than the richer part. Yet, how many marriages are dictated by money? How many base their love on what material benefits that they are receiving in the marriage? A marriage based on money is void of true love. This richer and poorer stuff is not merely about money but things, materials and status.
When I have failed my wife is by my side. When she has been rejected I’ve been by her side. This is what it’s about- being there for the other.
In sickness and in health:
Yep, we know that one too. Need I say more? You’ve seen her health issues. And believe me in sickness and in health eventually will knock at the door of your marriage.
b. Love is so priceless that it cannot be bought- only given away.
You cannot bribe someone to love you. Love is something that is only given away. The exchange of love is an exchange of each one- the husband and the wife- giving to each other with no strings attached.
You can’t buy me lu-uv! However, neglect of love undermines the whole deal!
How do we as men give away our love for our wives? How do you as wives give away your love for your husband?
Compliments. Husbands: When was the last time your told your woman that she is beautiful and the only woman for you? Wives: When was the last time you told your man that he is handsome and the only man for you?
Let them know they are wonderful and beautiful. Be your spouse’s number one cheerleader even if they don’t give you too much to cheer about!
Thanksgiving. Learn to thank your spouse for doing something for you. My wife is the best at this. Whenever I get something for her- the remote, a glass of Diet Squirt, the groceries out of the van- she always thanks me. Me? I’m batting about .200. But I’ve been taking batting lessons to get better.
Support. Be that strong arm to lean on when your spouse is in need. Who knows when that may suddenly happen in a huge way. Start now. Be there to wipe away their tears (not only women but men as well). Be there to encourage them when they have failed. Support each other through thick and thin.
Attention. Give your spouse the attention he or she deserves. I realize budgets are tight and getting tighter. But consider having the occasional “date night.” Even if it’s McDonald’s or Wesco pizza, do something that adds a little pizzaz. (Of course, if Wesco pizza adds pizzaz to your marriage you might need to see me.)
Apologize. Learning to say "I'm sorry" is of the utmost importance. Without recognizing our own failings in our marital and family relationships we will hinder true growth and spirituality in the home. My kids, my wife need to not only hear but see my humility when I am wrong. Likewise, they need to do the same. I would much rather die admitting I was wrong about something than living a life of denial.
These things and many others strengthen your relationship with each other. And you just might begin to experience the awesome joys that a marriage should experience.
Allow me, now, to delve into a wee bit of theology for a moment about marriage and what it represents:
4. Marriage is a Reflection.
The reality of a marriage is that it is supposed to be a reflection the love of God in the hearts of two mere human people. This love for each other tells the bigger story of Christ’s love for his church.
Consider the passage in Ephesians 5.
Christ loves the Church.
When husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, this speaks of an agape love. There are times when we may feel hurt or scorned- but we still love our wife. There may be times where we may feel ignored or disrespected- but we still love our wife.
Look at how Jesus loved the Church: How? He gave up everything for the Church. In the same sense, as husbands we give up everything for our wife.
Christ died for the Church.
By giving up everything, he did not consider the humility of being a human being something of an embarrassment. If there is ever a character trait that we need in the lives of a lot of husbands and that is humility.
We need men to die to themselves and humble themselves. Are you ready to do that, husband? Are you ready to become less so that your wife becomes greater? Then wash the dishes after dinner. Make her go watch her favorite show while you do the dishes.
That is Biblical because…
Christ washed the Church.
Continually, the life of Christ cleanses us. In a similar sense, as husbands we are to bath our wives in prayer and the word of God. We are to pray over her and speak kindly to her. There should never be any pride in a man who speaks down to his wife or speaks unkindly to her or about her.
But what about the wife?
Wives, respect your husband and the fearful role that he has been placed into. Pray for us. Most of us don’t have a clue and we’re learning on the job about your feelings, your likes and dislikes, and your ever-changing moods. Show your husband the same respect you would show Christ if he was here in a bodily presence. Allow him to be your spiritual leader. And if he doesn’t seem to be doing the job, let him know that you need him to be you spiritual leader. And then see what God does.
There is one other aspect about marriage that I feel needs to be addressed:
5. Marriage is Exclusive
Marriage is not for everyone. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:8- “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
Some people in the early church considered celibacy to be holier than marriage. Marriage is not intended for everyone. God calls some to not be married.
I uphold the Roman Catholic Church’s stance against the world’s way of thinking about the marriage of priests. They believe that their spiritual leaders should be free of the marital commitments of this earth and serve God and the Church only. I support this fully.
In our tradition, we don’t believe this for our pastors. That’s alright.
The Apostle Paul expresses to the Corinthian Church that he wishes everyone would be as he. However, he then tells them in the next verse: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
This speaks of those who fall in love. They can get married.
A few years ago I was blessed to perform the marriage for a 71 year old man who never had been married and never had a serious relationship all of his life.
What we know throughout church history is that there have been those who have accepted the role of celibacy as the high calling of their life in order to minister exclusively for the Church and for God.
However, this is not for everyone.
Conclusion:
But what matters most in all of this? God’s faithfulness to us and our faithfulness to each other. How else can you measure success in life but by the closest relationships we keep.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
REVIVING THE SOUNDS OF JOY
August 10, 2008
Genesis 4:1-2a; Jeremiah 32:27, 33:10-11, Colossians 3:18-21
“You know I can’t smile without you… can’t smile without you!
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing… I’m finding it hard to do anything!
You see I feel sad when you’re sad. I feel glad when you’re glad.
If you only knew what I’m going through. I just can’t smile without you!”
I sang this Barry Manilow song to Naomi more than a few times while she was laying there in the hospital after her open heart surgery. This has been our song since our dating years. Every once in awhile we’ll sing it in the car while traveling somewhere.
Do you have songs in your marriage that are old favorites? Songs that revive and refresh the love you have for your husband or wife? Or have the sounds of the bride and bridegroom fade away over the years?
What troubles me today is that the joyful sounds of godly homes are becoming more hushed in today’s world. Too often the sounds coming from marriages are the sounds of dissension and discord rather than the joy of the Lord.
Don’t get me wrong, I realize that we face real life and reality makes us deal with unkind issues. However, in the Christian home divorce is never supposed to be the answer. Just because finances may back you into a corner or your spouse has issues you didn’t know about ahead of time does not warrant one to leave the other.
Add children into the mixing bowl, turn on the Kitchen Aid mixer and see what happens.
I believe that our Lord has a simple message of hope and order for the Christian families that are represented here.
1. The Christ-Centered Family Experience.
If we are going to experience something of this holy love, then we need to realize this in the context of our family.
The ultimate sense of holiness is when we learn to love others as well as loving God. In fact, if you can’t love others then I’m not so sure that you can love God.
What I long to see in our church are moms and dads who are in love with each other; whose lives are committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And who don’t care a wit about the world’s ways but care every bit about God’s ways.
Moms and Dads whose love for each other inspires their children; whose love for God arouses their own spiritual senses.
Jesus presents to the family the perfect example of what it means to be a Christian home. His love, surrender and obedience marks the path for the rest of us in our homelife.
I have somewhat of a crude outline of what I’m talking about. Hopefully this will add to what you already know about your role within your family life.
a. Wives: Submission out of Respect.
Sometimes we can get so bothered by the concept of women in submission. And honestly, too much has been made of this issue. I do not believe that a woman should be in obedience to her husband- as though she were a mere child. The scriptures call for the wife to be in submission to the husbands spiritual leadership.
Show me a wife who is loved by her husband as she should be loved and I’ll show a woman most likely to embrace her role of submission in the family circle.
What does the Bible say about this issue of submission? Very clearly the Apostle Paul speaks of the wife submitting out of respect for her husband.
This word respect in the Greek is phobio- which is a word that speaks of reverence. In other words, the wife’s role in a Christian home is to have a holy recognition of her husband’s position as the head of the relationship.
Where problems come into play is when the wife steps outside of this holy reverence for her husband and his responsibilities and attempts to take over.
There is something very simple that does bother me at times but not in a bad sense but only in a sense of concern. The husband is the spiritual leader of the home. The wife is to submit to him as her spiritual leader. His role is to lead the family in spirituality. And yet how many times do we find the wife taking the lead- either by her lack of trust in him, her impatience with her husband’s own personal struggles or his lack of trust in God?
So if the wife is supposed to submit to her husband out of a holy reverence for his spiritual authority in her life, what is this supposed to look like for him?
b. Husbands: Love out of Surrender.
I am highly concerned that too many husbands have abdicated their role as the spiritual leader of their families.
You will notice that I have continually added the adjective spiritual to the leader word- and I have done this on purpose. I refuse to see husbands and fathers as simply “the leader of the marriage and home.” Without Christ in their heart they cannot be the Biblical leader calls them to be. As a man of God, you are the spiritual leader of your marriage and your home.
Being the spiritual leader is your God-given role as a Christian man. And the very most important thing you can do is to love your wife. The second most important thing you can do is to exasperate or be harsh with your children.
This love for your wife should be exactly that kind of love that Jesus shows to the whole Church. So how do you love your wife as Christ loves the Church?
Christ gave his life for the Church. Therefore, as the husband, the man of God, you should give your life for your wife. How do you do this?
Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? As he prayed, his sweat turned to blood. And his words have reverberated in the Lenten message every year: “Not my will but yours be done.”
Jesus’ life could be summed up as one of surrender. He surrendered his status in heaven to be like humanity. He surrendered the power on earth so that people like us could be healed and the message of God would be delivered. He surrendered his life unto God for death so that we might be saved.
If only we could see this kind of surrender from the lives of dads and husbands today! Giving up our status, our power- our very lives for the sake of our wife and children.
Folks, that’s change I can believe in! When men give up those things that seem most important to their sense of being so that their family may live- that’s real change.
I am convinced that when the wife and husband are loving each other Biblically and setting an example of submission out of respect and love out of surrender, children respond in obedience- not simply to their parents- but to the God who saves the family.
c. Children: Obedience out of Example.
“Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the earth.” “Children obey your parents in the Lord.”
There is something special about children who are obedient to their parents. It seems that all of parenthood is about “birthing pains.”
First, there is the birthing pains of child-birth. Then there are birthing pains as they learn to walk. Then they have that first day of school. Then they graduate kindergarten. Then they go into Middle School. Then they go to High School. Then they graduate and go into the real world- as though the world we built for them was some kind of fantasy camp.
And all through this we as parents have birthing pains. We agonize of them being late coming home, there first or fifth or tenth boyfriend, the video games they like, the friends they have and the money they cost. These things take a toll on us as parents. That’s why we get gray hair!
If I could be brief but to the point bear with me. Mom’s and Dad’s: don’t be too harsh with your kids. Don’t over-react to their behaviors. Don’t worry too much. BALANCE is the key word in all of this.
Balance in discipline. You are their leaders as parents. Discipline them. Teach them the Word of God and help them to understand their relationship with Jesus Christ. As parents you must teach them boundaries. The saddest thing is when children don’t learn the boundaries or they forget the boundaries when they are older and the court-system has to teach them the boundaries- usually the harder way.
Let me share my personal opinion about physical discipline.
Spanking your child is not a bad thing. Hitting your child is a bad thing. Any kind of discipline in the heat of anger should be avoided. Not spanking is alright if you have a good sense of how to discipline without. But whatever you do, do with consistency. There is no worse kind of discipline than that which is inconsistent. The kid finds himself being punished and doesn’t know why or they go unpunished and think they can do worse next time.
Bruising children physically cannot be tolerated. You should never spank to hurt or bruise. Spanking is to teach and only to teach. Furthermore, there are age limites to spanking. A baby is beyond understanding what spanking is all about. However, most two-year olds have a grasp of what consequences are all about. Spanking after age seven is not recommended on my list- but that depends on child. Certainly, no child over twelve should be spanked.
And never, ever slap them or strike them in the face. This demeans their dignity and bruises their spirit.
Balance in your faith. I get highly concerned when I see the parents putting on spiritual airs that aren’t real. And the worst result is that the children who witness the hypocrisy are the ones who suffer the worst. Be honest with them when you struggle. If you sin against them, apologize without being guilted into it. It’s okay for them to see you with your hair down- but with balance.
Balance in your words. Children need to hear good things and the right things come out of your mouth. Even worse than bruising a child physically is bruising a child emotionally. Telling them they are worthless or a mistake or calling them names is unacceptable by any parent. Learn to speak positively and lovingly and Biblically.
Balance in their obedience. Children should speak respectfully to their parents. I would never tolerate my kids ever raising a voice or a hand to my wife. This is my wife- not merely their mother. They need to see that Dad loves Mom more than them.
Children should be allowed to speak their difference with you. If they disagree with you then let them- as long as they do so respectfully. If they are right then they are right. You, dad, should be man enough to admit if your children are correct about the issue- even your wrong-ness in a circumstance. This is the idea behind not exasperating your children.
And yet so many families- Christian families struggle with the whole family circle problem. The way it is supposed to be too often doesn’t mesh with real life. However, this should not keep us from striving to have a family that is Christ-centered. Does this seem like the impossible?
Well, let me tell you, God does the impossible- all the time. He did for our family and he can for yours.
2. A Promise to do the Impossible.
Jeremiah reveals from the Lord a promise of hope for the land. Remember, the land all around them was in disarray. The Chaldeans had invaded Jerusalem. Things looked utterly hopeless. And yet God gives a promise that once again the sounds of the bride and bridegroom would be heard again.
How many have entered into holy matrimony with beautiful ceremonies, gorgeous decorations and wonderful music and yet those things became as dust and destruction as the marriage unravels? I have had the joy of working with numerous couples in their pre-nuptials and have seen too many marriages struggle in ways they shouldn’t struggle.
I am convinced that when two people who are guided by their faith in Jesus Christ and seek after God’s own heart, that there is nothing in the world that can tear apart that marriage.
How about your marriage? Are joyous sounds of music missing from your home? God wants to renew those sounds of bride and bridegroom. God wants to do something wonderful in your life and in your spouse’s life. God wants to become personal and real in your home.
There is nothing too hard for God. Even the salvation of your family.
Genesis 4:1-2a; Jeremiah 32:27, 33:10-11, Colossians 3:18-21
“You know I can’t smile without you… can’t smile without you!
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing… I’m finding it hard to do anything!
You see I feel sad when you’re sad. I feel glad when you’re glad.
If you only knew what I’m going through. I just can’t smile without you!”
I sang this Barry Manilow song to Naomi more than a few times while she was laying there in the hospital after her open heart surgery. This has been our song since our dating years. Every once in awhile we’ll sing it in the car while traveling somewhere.
Do you have songs in your marriage that are old favorites? Songs that revive and refresh the love you have for your husband or wife? Or have the sounds of the bride and bridegroom fade away over the years?
What troubles me today is that the joyful sounds of godly homes are becoming more hushed in today’s world. Too often the sounds coming from marriages are the sounds of dissension and discord rather than the joy of the Lord.
Don’t get me wrong, I realize that we face real life and reality makes us deal with unkind issues. However, in the Christian home divorce is never supposed to be the answer. Just because finances may back you into a corner or your spouse has issues you didn’t know about ahead of time does not warrant one to leave the other.
Add children into the mixing bowl, turn on the Kitchen Aid mixer and see what happens.
I believe that our Lord has a simple message of hope and order for the Christian families that are represented here.
1. The Christ-Centered Family Experience.
If we are going to experience something of this holy love, then we need to realize this in the context of our family.
The ultimate sense of holiness is when we learn to love others as well as loving God. In fact, if you can’t love others then I’m not so sure that you can love God.
What I long to see in our church are moms and dads who are in love with each other; whose lives are committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And who don’t care a wit about the world’s ways but care every bit about God’s ways.
Moms and Dads whose love for each other inspires their children; whose love for God arouses their own spiritual senses.
Jesus presents to the family the perfect example of what it means to be a Christian home. His love, surrender and obedience marks the path for the rest of us in our homelife.
I have somewhat of a crude outline of what I’m talking about. Hopefully this will add to what you already know about your role within your family life.
a. Wives: Submission out of Respect.
Sometimes we can get so bothered by the concept of women in submission. And honestly, too much has been made of this issue. I do not believe that a woman should be in obedience to her husband- as though she were a mere child. The scriptures call for the wife to be in submission to the husbands spiritual leadership.
Show me a wife who is loved by her husband as she should be loved and I’ll show a woman most likely to embrace her role of submission in the family circle.
What does the Bible say about this issue of submission? Very clearly the Apostle Paul speaks of the wife submitting out of respect for her husband.
This word respect in the Greek is phobio- which is a word that speaks of reverence. In other words, the wife’s role in a Christian home is to have a holy recognition of her husband’s position as the head of the relationship.
Where problems come into play is when the wife steps outside of this holy reverence for her husband and his responsibilities and attempts to take over.
There is something very simple that does bother me at times but not in a bad sense but only in a sense of concern. The husband is the spiritual leader of the home. The wife is to submit to him as her spiritual leader. His role is to lead the family in spirituality. And yet how many times do we find the wife taking the lead- either by her lack of trust in him, her impatience with her husband’s own personal struggles or his lack of trust in God?
So if the wife is supposed to submit to her husband out of a holy reverence for his spiritual authority in her life, what is this supposed to look like for him?
b. Husbands: Love out of Surrender.
I am highly concerned that too many husbands have abdicated their role as the spiritual leader of their families.
You will notice that I have continually added the adjective spiritual to the leader word- and I have done this on purpose. I refuse to see husbands and fathers as simply “the leader of the marriage and home.” Without Christ in their heart they cannot be the Biblical leader calls them to be. As a man of God, you are the spiritual leader of your marriage and your home.
Being the spiritual leader is your God-given role as a Christian man. And the very most important thing you can do is to love your wife. The second most important thing you can do is to exasperate or be harsh with your children.
This love for your wife should be exactly that kind of love that Jesus shows to the whole Church. So how do you love your wife as Christ loves the Church?
Christ gave his life for the Church. Therefore, as the husband, the man of God, you should give your life for your wife. How do you do this?
Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? As he prayed, his sweat turned to blood. And his words have reverberated in the Lenten message every year: “Not my will but yours be done.”
Jesus’ life could be summed up as one of surrender. He surrendered his status in heaven to be like humanity. He surrendered the power on earth so that people like us could be healed and the message of God would be delivered. He surrendered his life unto God for death so that we might be saved.
If only we could see this kind of surrender from the lives of dads and husbands today! Giving up our status, our power- our very lives for the sake of our wife and children.
Folks, that’s change I can believe in! When men give up those things that seem most important to their sense of being so that their family may live- that’s real change.
I am convinced that when the wife and husband are loving each other Biblically and setting an example of submission out of respect and love out of surrender, children respond in obedience- not simply to their parents- but to the God who saves the family.
c. Children: Obedience out of Example.
“Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the earth.” “Children obey your parents in the Lord.”
There is something special about children who are obedient to their parents. It seems that all of parenthood is about “birthing pains.”
First, there is the birthing pains of child-birth. Then there are birthing pains as they learn to walk. Then they have that first day of school. Then they graduate kindergarten. Then they go into Middle School. Then they go to High School. Then they graduate and go into the real world- as though the world we built for them was some kind of fantasy camp.
And all through this we as parents have birthing pains. We agonize of them being late coming home, there first or fifth or tenth boyfriend, the video games they like, the friends they have and the money they cost. These things take a toll on us as parents. That’s why we get gray hair!
If I could be brief but to the point bear with me. Mom’s and Dad’s: don’t be too harsh with your kids. Don’t over-react to their behaviors. Don’t worry too much. BALANCE is the key word in all of this.
Balance in discipline. You are their leaders as parents. Discipline them. Teach them the Word of God and help them to understand their relationship with Jesus Christ. As parents you must teach them boundaries. The saddest thing is when children don’t learn the boundaries or they forget the boundaries when they are older and the court-system has to teach them the boundaries- usually the harder way.
Let me share my personal opinion about physical discipline.
Spanking your child is not a bad thing. Hitting your child is a bad thing. Any kind of discipline in the heat of anger should be avoided. Not spanking is alright if you have a good sense of how to discipline without. But whatever you do, do with consistency. There is no worse kind of discipline than that which is inconsistent. The kid finds himself being punished and doesn’t know why or they go unpunished and think they can do worse next time.
Bruising children physically cannot be tolerated. You should never spank to hurt or bruise. Spanking is to teach and only to teach. Furthermore, there are age limites to spanking. A baby is beyond understanding what spanking is all about. However, most two-year olds have a grasp of what consequences are all about. Spanking after age seven is not recommended on my list- but that depends on child. Certainly, no child over twelve should be spanked.
And never, ever slap them or strike them in the face. This demeans their dignity and bruises their spirit.
Balance in your faith. I get highly concerned when I see the parents putting on spiritual airs that aren’t real. And the worst result is that the children who witness the hypocrisy are the ones who suffer the worst. Be honest with them when you struggle. If you sin against them, apologize without being guilted into it. It’s okay for them to see you with your hair down- but with balance.
Balance in your words. Children need to hear good things and the right things come out of your mouth. Even worse than bruising a child physically is bruising a child emotionally. Telling them they are worthless or a mistake or calling them names is unacceptable by any parent. Learn to speak positively and lovingly and Biblically.
Balance in their obedience. Children should speak respectfully to their parents. I would never tolerate my kids ever raising a voice or a hand to my wife. This is my wife- not merely their mother. They need to see that Dad loves Mom more than them.
Children should be allowed to speak their difference with you. If they disagree with you then let them- as long as they do so respectfully. If they are right then they are right. You, dad, should be man enough to admit if your children are correct about the issue- even your wrong-ness in a circumstance. This is the idea behind not exasperating your children.
And yet so many families- Christian families struggle with the whole family circle problem. The way it is supposed to be too often doesn’t mesh with real life. However, this should not keep us from striving to have a family that is Christ-centered. Does this seem like the impossible?
Well, let me tell you, God does the impossible- all the time. He did for our family and he can for yours.
2. A Promise to do the Impossible.
Jeremiah reveals from the Lord a promise of hope for the land. Remember, the land all around them was in disarray. The Chaldeans had invaded Jerusalem. Things looked utterly hopeless. And yet God gives a promise that once again the sounds of the bride and bridegroom would be heard again.
How many have entered into holy matrimony with beautiful ceremonies, gorgeous decorations and wonderful music and yet those things became as dust and destruction as the marriage unravels? I have had the joy of working with numerous couples in their pre-nuptials and have seen too many marriages struggle in ways they shouldn’t struggle.
I am convinced that when two people who are guided by their faith in Jesus Christ and seek after God’s own heart, that there is nothing in the world that can tear apart that marriage.
How about your marriage? Are joyous sounds of music missing from your home? God wants to renew those sounds of bride and bridegroom. God wants to do something wonderful in your life and in your spouse’s life. God wants to become personal and real in your home.
There is nothing too hard for God. Even the salvation of your family.
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
July 6, 2008
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
Genesis 6:5-8, Acts 2:38-39, Hebrews 11:7
The family circle is the most basic human government on the face of the earth. God created and intended for this to be that way. Our participation in "family" is crucial to the well-being of our souls and the growth of those around us.
What makes a house into a home? What makes a group of individuals into a family? How does the most basic of human governments supposed to look like?
There are five very important features of a quality Christian home. You would think at first glance that such things as prayer, holiness and church attendance would be the key ingredients to a Christian home. Not that these are not important but those are things that are fluid. They should be flowing in and through the other elements of any Christian home. What I am looking at are the structural things that transform the Christian home. Hopefully these are traits that are prayerfully implemented into your home.
1. There is a Character to be Shaped.
Every house has a particular “character” about it. I learned in construction that there are different kinds of homes that reveal a certain character about them due to the style of the home. A basic ranch home is simple in design with a low pitched roof and generally easier to build. A Cape Cod home is one that has unique “eyebrows” that take the roof line around a corner. A home with Swiss gables is usually has a steeper roof that juts out from the outer walls. An “A-frame” is a 12/12 pitched roof that starts about a foot off the ground.
We could move on and see the interior color schemes, the floor style and the door-frames. These- as much as anything- reveal ever more closely the character of the people who live inside.
Look even closer at the furniture and you will learn even more about the people who inhabit the house.
My point is that for a Christian home to truly be Christian, it will have a certain personality. There will be things that go beyond furniture and decorations.
What character does your Christian home reveal about your family? Don't forget, Noah's character was grounded in his relationship with God.
Notice some things about Noah from Genesis 6 that reveal a whole lot about his Christian home:
a. Noah was a righteous man. (Gen. 6:9)
In being a righteous man he had a good reputation with his neighbors and friends. The people around him considered him a man who was blameless.
As moms and dads, there are so many times that you have to take the lead in obeying God. And kids see this. They see the books you read, the magazines you peruse and the movies you watch. They may even know the web sites you vist.
b. Noah was obedient to God. (Gen. 6:22)
He was more than a husband and father- he was a follower of God. And following God meant being obedient to what God called him to do- even to build an ark. Your family will be impacted by your obedience to God.
c. God remembered Noah. (Gen. 8:1)
Noah’s integrity and obedience was responded to by a loving and caring God. Even though the world all around was ignoring God and doing their own thing, but Noah was different. And because Noah was different, Noah’s family was different. And in being different they were rescued by God.
We must remember that God remembers us in the face of judgment, persecution, trials and tribulations. When your whole seems like a flood, God is there protecting you as a parent.
d. Noah worshiped God. (Gen. 8:20)
This verse does not mean that because of all the previous things that Noah now begins to worship. No, this verse indicates that Noah and his family were worshippers of God continually. They made room for God in their family time to give God glory and honor.
This is why families need to be in church. They need to be praying TOGETHER,singing TOGETHER, and growing TOGETHER.
Your walk with Christ shapes your character. But more than just shaping your character as a mom or dad, your walk with Christ helps shape the character of your children. And the whole family is impacted. When you walk with Christ you are building an ark to save your family- just as Noah did.
Secondly,
2. There is a Desire to be Had.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that God has been eased out of our lives and mentioned only in a time of crisis or need. What I am wondering is how many of you here truly want to have a Christian home?
If you want to have a Christian home then you need to desire to have one. Prayer and Bible reading help build that but do you desire in your heart as a wife and husband, as a mom and dad, or as a grandparent to have a home that reflects the values of our Lord and Savior?
Two important pieces to this desire must be present:
a. Parental Vision.
Take some time and think about how your family life operates. Does it just happen as probably 99.99% of homes do? Or are you deliberate about the life of the home?
You need to see what God sees for your home life. You need to see your family relationships through the lenses of God’ word. A vision is not some far-fetched dream but is a very real view of what God wants.
b. Family Participation.
For desire to really take hold you need family participation. We have gone on a number of vacations that quite honestly would be pretty boring without the others. And so it is with the family structure. A family needs to see the need for complete participation.
Noah’s family came together. There is no indication from the scriptures that any of the children- even as adults- rejected the God of their father and mother. Together they entered the ark.
Who knows what the surrounding community was saying about Noah. A lot of indicators from a variety of scholars are that Noah was likely made fun of and ridiculed. There was no such thing as rain, according to the Venus theory. Flooding was unheard of. And yet, they believed and were saved.
You see it takes desire to have a Christian home. I had someone once tell me how they envied the kind of life I had and the family that I’ve been blessed with. They wanted that kind of life for themselves. However, they failed to take the price tag seriously. Which brings me to our third point:
3. There is a Price to Pay.
For any Christian desiring the things of God they will come to learn that there is a price to pay for that Christian home to truly become Christian. There is a cost to being a godly father and mother. There is a cost to being a godly son and daughter. There is a cost to being a godly grandfather and grandmother.
Whatever you desire to see happen for the glory of God in your family life, realize this: there is a price to pay.
The number one problem in our Christian homes and the reason why so many Christian homes struggle with the things of the world is very simply that there are too many moms and dads, husbands and wives who do not want to pay the price.
But let me ask you this: what price is too much for the sake of your souls and the souls of your children. Again, as parents the only thing we can take to heaven with us is our children. What price is too much to pay for that?
Some of you know what I am talking about. You’ve walked this road. You know that there is no price too much for the sake of our children.
What is the price that has to be paid to build an ark to save your family?
a. Sin and Self.
We live in a time where the self has been elevated to deity level. I’ve heard way too often, “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you.” Come on! If we live our life by that mantra then we will have a family life that is part of the American litter scattered around the countryside.
Sin will affect your family life. Selfishness will affect your family life. These things of this world can only bring doom and gloom to the home and keep you from building an ark to save your family.
What can you do?
Allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify your heart. We need homes that are filled with the holiness of God. And for that to happen we need moms and dads who have surrendered sin and self to God.
b. Materialism and Money.
We have to surrender the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, the Smiths or the Johnsons. All these gadgets and things that are so important are not going to make our family stronger in the long run. It will simply create a bigger spiritual vacuum.
Things are nice and things make life more fun. But at what price? The family that strives to do things together at the expense of worshipping God and worshipping with God’s people are too expensive for their spiritual life.
Recently some families in the Hudsonville community have taken a stand against their children playing Little League baseball on Sundays. Their heart conviction tells them that they need to be in church with their families on Sunday. Even though no games are scheduled, they could not in good conscience commit their children to being in games that would keep them away from Church.
Now, I am not against playing ball on Sundays. But what we do with the issue of being with God’s people is critical. What you do on Sundays does matter and it matters to God and should matter to us as parents. Are the things we do depriving us of being with God’s people in worship? [More on the Sunday/Sabbath issue in another sermon this winter.]
c. Reputation and Recognition.
Have you ever been in a store and hear a squalling kid and a desperate mom trying to deal with this carnal creature screaming in the grocery cart? Admit it: we’ve all thought, “Thank God that kid’s not mine!” And we might even comment to our spouse about what we would do if that was our kid.
Naomi recalls dealing with our kids playing hide and seek in the clothes racks at Meijer. What fun she had while I was out roofing!
In raising our families we have to relinquish our status and any glory that might come our way. Sometimes we might be embarrassed by our children’s behavior. We have to be willing to let our family grow and not worry about the naysayer’s. We don’t raise kids and bless out home for earthly recognition and reward. Our reward is when we meet our children in heaven.
d. Calling and Career.
There is a place where we concede our calling and career to the betterment of our family. How many are there who have surrendered what they thought could have been a better life with better money and better connections in order to live the good life God already had for them?
Again, there are too many families that have suffered because mom or dad, or mom and dad, needed to climb the corporate ladder and take on more hours away from home. How many have lost their families and relationships because the raise was more important than raising their kids?
For some, getting a raise at work is more important than raising the kids at home.
The price to pay for a Christian home and to know that your wife will be there when you get home is priceless. The price to pay is nothing when the children honor you as they should. The price to pay doesn’t ever come cheaply- especially because…
4. There is Work to Do.
For your home to be all that God wants it to be is going to require work. There are maintenance items that just have to be done.
No one here (at least in their right mind) enjoys housework: washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning windows or straightening up pillows and shams. Why? It’s monotonous work. It’s the same old thing every few days.
Who, in their right mind, loves housework? Who can't wait to get the vacuum cleaner out and do more housework?
“Didn’t I just wash these dishes yesterday?” “Didn’t we just clean these windows a few weeks ago?” “I have to vacuum again?”
For you maintain a Christian home is going to take work. There are three very important aspects of this:
a. Maintenance.
To keep relationships vibrant in the home takes maintenance. You can’t live on a roller coaster every day. You need days of routine and monotony. Boring days are okay to have. Enjoy them when they come your way.
There are few subpoints that I plan to come back to at a later sermon but let me give these to you:
Time.
For good maintenance of relationships you need both quality time and quantity time.
Energy.
We have on occasion watched the television show called “The Nanny.” What amazes me is how self-absorbed so many parents are. On one show, the husband would come home from work, go upstairs and play on his computer for 2-3 hours! In the meantime his poor wife has been going stir-crazy with the kids all day and is trying to get supper ready. Especially as parents, we have to be ready to give of our energy to the other anytime- even when we might be running on empty.
Money.
Too often, money dictates relationships in families. Either its not enough money or too much money. Sometimes parents unwittingly create animosity with their kids by having too high of an expectation on their elementary concepts of money. In other words, treating a first-grader like he or she has a college degree in accounting. Or, they just give the kids anything and everything they want. Again, balance is needed in how we teach our children the value of money and how that works in God’s kingdom.
Not only does maintenance take work but you as parents need…
b. Teamwork.
Mom and Dad: you’re on the same team! Work together. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. As a team, Naomi offsets my weaknesses and I offset hers. And rather than feed off each others weaknesses as a husband and wife, we need to build each others strengths. This takes teamwork. (Again, coming in more detail from a sermon this summer.)
Furthermore, as parents you are not alone. It also takes a church to help you. The family of God is critical to the well-being and growth of you and your family. Where would my kids be without church people like you? Where would my wife and I be were it not for the nurturing of the church? The role of the church is to enhance the home ministries of every family.
And this point cannot be complete without naming extended family members. In the ideal situation, grand-parents are very important to the children. Our kids need the nurturing affects of grandmas and grandpas. Their eternal life may depend on this!
c. Repeat.
Repeat over and over the maintenance issues and teamwork. Parenting is work. But work that is well worth the reward… when they finally go to sleep at night. And there is not a more angelic look on a child’s face then when they are sleeping peacefully knowing in their heart that Mom and Dad love each other.
Be creative when budgets are tight. Boring, though, is not always a bad thing.
So what more shall I say?
Conclusion: Build an Ark to Save the Family.
Without going into extremism as some have in the past, let me simply state that as Christian parents we must build an ark to save our family. So let me leave you with three very important allowances
1. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow yourself to determine to be all that God calls us to be as parents. Most of us don’t know how to parent our kids. We’re learning on the job. So we must be determined that we are going to raise our children God’s way.
2. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth as parents. We have to quit being intimidated by what the world says and do what God says. It’s not easy being a parent. But as James Dobson’s book title says: Parenting isn’t for Cowards.
3. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow God’s grace to work. We cannot do all we should do as parents. We will succeed at some things and fail at a lot of other things. We will inadvertently bruise our kids in some way or we may hurt them and not realize the long-term consequences. Grace allows us to balance our short-comings as parents with those things we do well. Grace allows us to balance our attitudes with our kids and with each other. Grace helps us realize that if it weren’t for God we could not do what we have to do. Grace will even heal those errors in parenting.
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
Genesis 6:5-8, Acts 2:38-39, Hebrews 11:7
The family circle is the most basic human government on the face of the earth. God created and intended for this to be that way. Our participation in "family" is crucial to the well-being of our souls and the growth of those around us.
What makes a house into a home? What makes a group of individuals into a family? How does the most basic of human governments supposed to look like?
There are five very important features of a quality Christian home. You would think at first glance that such things as prayer, holiness and church attendance would be the key ingredients to a Christian home. Not that these are not important but those are things that are fluid. They should be flowing in and through the other elements of any Christian home. What I am looking at are the structural things that transform the Christian home. Hopefully these are traits that are prayerfully implemented into your home.
1. There is a Character to be Shaped.
Every house has a particular “character” about it. I learned in construction that there are different kinds of homes that reveal a certain character about them due to the style of the home. A basic ranch home is simple in design with a low pitched roof and generally easier to build. A Cape Cod home is one that has unique “eyebrows” that take the roof line around a corner. A home with Swiss gables is usually has a steeper roof that juts out from the outer walls. An “A-frame” is a 12/12 pitched roof that starts about a foot off the ground.
We could move on and see the interior color schemes, the floor style and the door-frames. These- as much as anything- reveal ever more closely the character of the people who live inside.
Look even closer at the furniture and you will learn even more about the people who inhabit the house.
My point is that for a Christian home to truly be Christian, it will have a certain personality. There will be things that go beyond furniture and decorations.
What character does your Christian home reveal about your family? Don't forget, Noah's character was grounded in his relationship with God.
Notice some things about Noah from Genesis 6 that reveal a whole lot about his Christian home:
a. Noah was a righteous man. (Gen. 6:9)
In being a righteous man he had a good reputation with his neighbors and friends. The people around him considered him a man who was blameless.
As moms and dads, there are so many times that you have to take the lead in obeying God. And kids see this. They see the books you read, the magazines you peruse and the movies you watch. They may even know the web sites you vist.
b. Noah was obedient to God. (Gen. 6:22)
He was more than a husband and father- he was a follower of God. And following God meant being obedient to what God called him to do- even to build an ark. Your family will be impacted by your obedience to God.
c. God remembered Noah. (Gen. 8:1)
Noah’s integrity and obedience was responded to by a loving and caring God. Even though the world all around was ignoring God and doing their own thing, but Noah was different. And because Noah was different, Noah’s family was different. And in being different they were rescued by God.
We must remember that God remembers us in the face of judgment, persecution, trials and tribulations. When your whole seems like a flood, God is there protecting you as a parent.
d. Noah worshiped God. (Gen. 8:20)
This verse does not mean that because of all the previous things that Noah now begins to worship. No, this verse indicates that Noah and his family were worshippers of God continually. They made room for God in their family time to give God glory and honor.
This is why families need to be in church. They need to be praying TOGETHER,singing TOGETHER, and growing TOGETHER.
Your walk with Christ shapes your character. But more than just shaping your character as a mom or dad, your walk with Christ helps shape the character of your children. And the whole family is impacted. When you walk with Christ you are building an ark to save your family- just as Noah did.
Secondly,
2. There is a Desire to be Had.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that God has been eased out of our lives and mentioned only in a time of crisis or need. What I am wondering is how many of you here truly want to have a Christian home?
If you want to have a Christian home then you need to desire to have one. Prayer and Bible reading help build that but do you desire in your heart as a wife and husband, as a mom and dad, or as a grandparent to have a home that reflects the values of our Lord and Savior?
Two important pieces to this desire must be present:
a. Parental Vision.
Take some time and think about how your family life operates. Does it just happen as probably 99.99% of homes do? Or are you deliberate about the life of the home?
You need to see what God sees for your home life. You need to see your family relationships through the lenses of God’ word. A vision is not some far-fetched dream but is a very real view of what God wants.
b. Family Participation.
For desire to really take hold you need family participation. We have gone on a number of vacations that quite honestly would be pretty boring without the others. And so it is with the family structure. A family needs to see the need for complete participation.
Noah’s family came together. There is no indication from the scriptures that any of the children- even as adults- rejected the God of their father and mother. Together they entered the ark.
Who knows what the surrounding community was saying about Noah. A lot of indicators from a variety of scholars are that Noah was likely made fun of and ridiculed. There was no such thing as rain, according to the Venus theory. Flooding was unheard of. And yet, they believed and were saved.
You see it takes desire to have a Christian home. I had someone once tell me how they envied the kind of life I had and the family that I’ve been blessed with. They wanted that kind of life for themselves. However, they failed to take the price tag seriously. Which brings me to our third point:
3. There is a Price to Pay.
For any Christian desiring the things of God they will come to learn that there is a price to pay for that Christian home to truly become Christian. There is a cost to being a godly father and mother. There is a cost to being a godly son and daughter. There is a cost to being a godly grandfather and grandmother.
Whatever you desire to see happen for the glory of God in your family life, realize this: there is a price to pay.
The number one problem in our Christian homes and the reason why so many Christian homes struggle with the things of the world is very simply that there are too many moms and dads, husbands and wives who do not want to pay the price.
But let me ask you this: what price is too much for the sake of your souls and the souls of your children. Again, as parents the only thing we can take to heaven with us is our children. What price is too much to pay for that?
Some of you know what I am talking about. You’ve walked this road. You know that there is no price too much for the sake of our children.
What is the price that has to be paid to build an ark to save your family?
a. Sin and Self.
We live in a time where the self has been elevated to deity level. I’ve heard way too often, “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you.” Come on! If we live our life by that mantra then we will have a family life that is part of the American litter scattered around the countryside.
Sin will affect your family life. Selfishness will affect your family life. These things of this world can only bring doom and gloom to the home and keep you from building an ark to save your family.
What can you do?
Allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify your heart. We need homes that are filled with the holiness of God. And for that to happen we need moms and dads who have surrendered sin and self to God.
b. Materialism and Money.
We have to surrender the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, the Smiths or the Johnsons. All these gadgets and things that are so important are not going to make our family stronger in the long run. It will simply create a bigger spiritual vacuum.
Things are nice and things make life more fun. But at what price? The family that strives to do things together at the expense of worshipping God and worshipping with God’s people are too expensive for their spiritual life.
Recently some families in the Hudsonville community have taken a stand against their children playing Little League baseball on Sundays. Their heart conviction tells them that they need to be in church with their families on Sunday. Even though no games are scheduled, they could not in good conscience commit their children to being in games that would keep them away from Church.
Now, I am not against playing ball on Sundays. But what we do with the issue of being with God’s people is critical. What you do on Sundays does matter and it matters to God and should matter to us as parents. Are the things we do depriving us of being with God’s people in worship? [More on the Sunday/Sabbath issue in another sermon this winter.]
c. Reputation and Recognition.
Have you ever been in a store and hear a squalling kid and a desperate mom trying to deal with this carnal creature screaming in the grocery cart? Admit it: we’ve all thought, “Thank God that kid’s not mine!” And we might even comment to our spouse about what we would do if that was our kid.
Naomi recalls dealing with our kids playing hide and seek in the clothes racks at Meijer. What fun she had while I was out roofing!
In raising our families we have to relinquish our status and any glory that might come our way. Sometimes we might be embarrassed by our children’s behavior. We have to be willing to let our family grow and not worry about the naysayer’s. We don’t raise kids and bless out home for earthly recognition and reward. Our reward is when we meet our children in heaven.
d. Calling and Career.
There is a place where we concede our calling and career to the betterment of our family. How many are there who have surrendered what they thought could have been a better life with better money and better connections in order to live the good life God already had for them?
Again, there are too many families that have suffered because mom or dad, or mom and dad, needed to climb the corporate ladder and take on more hours away from home. How many have lost their families and relationships because the raise was more important than raising their kids?
For some, getting a raise at work is more important than raising the kids at home.
The price to pay for a Christian home and to know that your wife will be there when you get home is priceless. The price to pay is nothing when the children honor you as they should. The price to pay doesn’t ever come cheaply- especially because…
4. There is Work to Do.
For your home to be all that God wants it to be is going to require work. There are maintenance items that just have to be done.
No one here (at least in their right mind) enjoys housework: washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning windows or straightening up pillows and shams. Why? It’s monotonous work. It’s the same old thing every few days.
Who, in their right mind, loves housework? Who can't wait to get the vacuum cleaner out and do more housework?
“Didn’t I just wash these dishes yesterday?” “Didn’t we just clean these windows a few weeks ago?” “I have to vacuum again?”
For you maintain a Christian home is going to take work. There are three very important aspects of this:
a. Maintenance.
To keep relationships vibrant in the home takes maintenance. You can’t live on a roller coaster every day. You need days of routine and monotony. Boring days are okay to have. Enjoy them when they come your way.
There are few subpoints that I plan to come back to at a later sermon but let me give these to you:
Time.
For good maintenance of relationships you need both quality time and quantity time.
Energy.
We have on occasion watched the television show called “The Nanny.” What amazes me is how self-absorbed so many parents are. On one show, the husband would come home from work, go upstairs and play on his computer for 2-3 hours! In the meantime his poor wife has been going stir-crazy with the kids all day and is trying to get supper ready. Especially as parents, we have to be ready to give of our energy to the other anytime- even when we might be running on empty.
Money.
Too often, money dictates relationships in families. Either its not enough money or too much money. Sometimes parents unwittingly create animosity with their kids by having too high of an expectation on their elementary concepts of money. In other words, treating a first-grader like he or she has a college degree in accounting. Or, they just give the kids anything and everything they want. Again, balance is needed in how we teach our children the value of money and how that works in God’s kingdom.
Not only does maintenance take work but you as parents need…
b. Teamwork.
Mom and Dad: you’re on the same team! Work together. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. As a team, Naomi offsets my weaknesses and I offset hers. And rather than feed off each others weaknesses as a husband and wife, we need to build each others strengths. This takes teamwork. (Again, coming in more detail from a sermon this summer.)
Furthermore, as parents you are not alone. It also takes a church to help you. The family of God is critical to the well-being and growth of you and your family. Where would my kids be without church people like you? Where would my wife and I be were it not for the nurturing of the church? The role of the church is to enhance the home ministries of every family.
And this point cannot be complete without naming extended family members. In the ideal situation, grand-parents are very important to the children. Our kids need the nurturing affects of grandmas and grandpas. Their eternal life may depend on this!
c. Repeat.
Repeat over and over the maintenance issues and teamwork. Parenting is work. But work that is well worth the reward… when they finally go to sleep at night. And there is not a more angelic look on a child’s face then when they are sleeping peacefully knowing in their heart that Mom and Dad love each other.
Be creative when budgets are tight. Boring, though, is not always a bad thing.
So what more shall I say?
Conclusion: Build an Ark to Save the Family.
Without going into extremism as some have in the past, let me simply state that as Christian parents we must build an ark to save our family. So let me leave you with three very important allowances
1. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow yourself to determine to be all that God calls us to be as parents. Most of us don’t know how to parent our kids. We’re learning on the job. So we must be determined that we are going to raise our children God’s way.
2. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth as parents. We have to quit being intimidated by what the world says and do what God says. It’s not easy being a parent. But as James Dobson’s book title says: Parenting isn’t for Cowards.
3. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow God’s grace to work. We cannot do all we should do as parents. We will succeed at some things and fail at a lot of other things. We will inadvertently bruise our kids in some way or we may hurt them and not realize the long-term consequences. Grace allows us to balance our short-comings as parents with those things we do well. Grace allows us to balance our attitudes with our kids and with each other. Grace helps us realize that if it weren’t for God we could not do what we have to do. Grace will even heal those errors in parenting.
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