July 6, 2008
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
Genesis 6:5-8, Acts 2:38-39, Hebrews 11:7
The family circle is the most basic human government on the face of the earth. God created and intended for this to be that way. Our participation in "family" is crucial to the well-being of our souls and the growth of those around us.
What makes a house into a home? What makes a group of individuals into a family? How does the most basic of human governments supposed to look like?
There are five very important features of a quality Christian home. You would think at first glance that such things as prayer, holiness and church attendance would be the key ingredients to a Christian home. Not that these are not important but those are things that are fluid. They should be flowing in and through the other elements of any Christian home. What I am looking at are the structural things that transform the Christian home. Hopefully these are traits that are prayerfully implemented into your home.
1. There is a Character to be Shaped.
Every house has a particular “character” about it. I learned in construction that there are different kinds of homes that reveal a certain character about them due to the style of the home. A basic ranch home is simple in design with a low pitched roof and generally easier to build. A Cape Cod home is one that has unique “eyebrows” that take the roof line around a corner. A home with Swiss gables is usually has a steeper roof that juts out from the outer walls. An “A-frame” is a 12/12 pitched roof that starts about a foot off the ground.
We could move on and see the interior color schemes, the floor style and the door-frames. These- as much as anything- reveal ever more closely the character of the people who live inside.
Look even closer at the furniture and you will learn even more about the people who inhabit the house.
My point is that for a Christian home to truly be Christian, it will have a certain personality. There will be things that go beyond furniture and decorations.
What character does your Christian home reveal about your family? Don't forget, Noah's character was grounded in his relationship with God.
Notice some things about Noah from Genesis 6 that reveal a whole lot about his Christian home:
a. Noah was a righteous man. (Gen. 6:9)
In being a righteous man he had a good reputation with his neighbors and friends. The people around him considered him a man who was blameless.
As moms and dads, there are so many times that you have to take the lead in obeying God. And kids see this. They see the books you read, the magazines you peruse and the movies you watch. They may even know the web sites you vist.
b. Noah was obedient to God. (Gen. 6:22)
He was more than a husband and father- he was a follower of God. And following God meant being obedient to what God called him to do- even to build an ark. Your family will be impacted by your obedience to God.
c. God remembered Noah. (Gen. 8:1)
Noah’s integrity and obedience was responded to by a loving and caring God. Even though the world all around was ignoring God and doing their own thing, but Noah was different. And because Noah was different, Noah’s family was different. And in being different they were rescued by God.
We must remember that God remembers us in the face of judgment, persecution, trials and tribulations. When your whole seems like a flood, God is there protecting you as a parent.
d. Noah worshiped God. (Gen. 8:20)
This verse does not mean that because of all the previous things that Noah now begins to worship. No, this verse indicates that Noah and his family were worshippers of God continually. They made room for God in their family time to give God glory and honor.
This is why families need to be in church. They need to be praying TOGETHER,singing TOGETHER, and growing TOGETHER.
Your walk with Christ shapes your character. But more than just shaping your character as a mom or dad, your walk with Christ helps shape the character of your children. And the whole family is impacted. When you walk with Christ you are building an ark to save your family- just as Noah did.
Secondly,
2. There is a Desire to be Had.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that God has been eased out of our lives and mentioned only in a time of crisis or need. What I am wondering is how many of you here truly want to have a Christian home?
If you want to have a Christian home then you need to desire to have one. Prayer and Bible reading help build that but do you desire in your heart as a wife and husband, as a mom and dad, or as a grandparent to have a home that reflects the values of our Lord and Savior?
Two important pieces to this desire must be present:
a. Parental Vision.
Take some time and think about how your family life operates. Does it just happen as probably 99.99% of homes do? Or are you deliberate about the life of the home?
You need to see what God sees for your home life. You need to see your family relationships through the lenses of God’ word. A vision is not some far-fetched dream but is a very real view of what God wants.
b. Family Participation.
For desire to really take hold you need family participation. We have gone on a number of vacations that quite honestly would be pretty boring without the others. And so it is with the family structure. A family needs to see the need for complete participation.
Noah’s family came together. There is no indication from the scriptures that any of the children- even as adults- rejected the God of their father and mother. Together they entered the ark.
Who knows what the surrounding community was saying about Noah. A lot of indicators from a variety of scholars are that Noah was likely made fun of and ridiculed. There was no such thing as rain, according to the Venus theory. Flooding was unheard of. And yet, they believed and were saved.
You see it takes desire to have a Christian home. I had someone once tell me how they envied the kind of life I had and the family that I’ve been blessed with. They wanted that kind of life for themselves. However, they failed to take the price tag seriously. Which brings me to our third point:
3. There is a Price to Pay.
For any Christian desiring the things of God they will come to learn that there is a price to pay for that Christian home to truly become Christian. There is a cost to being a godly father and mother. There is a cost to being a godly son and daughter. There is a cost to being a godly grandfather and grandmother.
Whatever you desire to see happen for the glory of God in your family life, realize this: there is a price to pay.
The number one problem in our Christian homes and the reason why so many Christian homes struggle with the things of the world is very simply that there are too many moms and dads, husbands and wives who do not want to pay the price.
But let me ask you this: what price is too much for the sake of your souls and the souls of your children. Again, as parents the only thing we can take to heaven with us is our children. What price is too much to pay for that?
Some of you know what I am talking about. You’ve walked this road. You know that there is no price too much for the sake of our children.
What is the price that has to be paid to build an ark to save your family?
a. Sin and Self.
We live in a time where the self has been elevated to deity level. I’ve heard way too often, “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you.” Come on! If we live our life by that mantra then we will have a family life that is part of the American litter scattered around the countryside.
Sin will affect your family life. Selfishness will affect your family life. These things of this world can only bring doom and gloom to the home and keep you from building an ark to save your family.
What can you do?
Allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify your heart. We need homes that are filled with the holiness of God. And for that to happen we need moms and dads who have surrendered sin and self to God.
b. Materialism and Money.
We have to surrender the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, the Smiths or the Johnsons. All these gadgets and things that are so important are not going to make our family stronger in the long run. It will simply create a bigger spiritual vacuum.
Things are nice and things make life more fun. But at what price? The family that strives to do things together at the expense of worshipping God and worshipping with God’s people are too expensive for their spiritual life.
Recently some families in the Hudsonville community have taken a stand against their children playing Little League baseball on Sundays. Their heart conviction tells them that they need to be in church with their families on Sunday. Even though no games are scheduled, they could not in good conscience commit their children to being in games that would keep them away from Church.
Now, I am not against playing ball on Sundays. But what we do with the issue of being with God’s people is critical. What you do on Sundays does matter and it matters to God and should matter to us as parents. Are the things we do depriving us of being with God’s people in worship? [More on the Sunday/Sabbath issue in another sermon this winter.]
c. Reputation and Recognition.
Have you ever been in a store and hear a squalling kid and a desperate mom trying to deal with this carnal creature screaming in the grocery cart? Admit it: we’ve all thought, “Thank God that kid’s not mine!” And we might even comment to our spouse about what we would do if that was our kid.
Naomi recalls dealing with our kids playing hide and seek in the clothes racks at Meijer. What fun she had while I was out roofing!
In raising our families we have to relinquish our status and any glory that might come our way. Sometimes we might be embarrassed by our children’s behavior. We have to be willing to let our family grow and not worry about the naysayer’s. We don’t raise kids and bless out home for earthly recognition and reward. Our reward is when we meet our children in heaven.
d. Calling and Career.
There is a place where we concede our calling and career to the betterment of our family. How many are there who have surrendered what they thought could have been a better life with better money and better connections in order to live the good life God already had for them?
Again, there are too many families that have suffered because mom or dad, or mom and dad, needed to climb the corporate ladder and take on more hours away from home. How many have lost their families and relationships because the raise was more important than raising their kids?
For some, getting a raise at work is more important than raising the kids at home.
The price to pay for a Christian home and to know that your wife will be there when you get home is priceless. The price to pay is nothing when the children honor you as they should. The price to pay doesn’t ever come cheaply- especially because…
4. There is Work to Do.
For your home to be all that God wants it to be is going to require work. There are maintenance items that just have to be done.
No one here (at least in their right mind) enjoys housework: washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning windows or straightening up pillows and shams. Why? It’s monotonous work. It’s the same old thing every few days.
Who, in their right mind, loves housework? Who can't wait to get the vacuum cleaner out and do more housework?
“Didn’t I just wash these dishes yesterday?” “Didn’t we just clean these windows a few weeks ago?” “I have to vacuum again?”
For you maintain a Christian home is going to take work. There are three very important aspects of this:
a. Maintenance.
To keep relationships vibrant in the home takes maintenance. You can’t live on a roller coaster every day. You need days of routine and monotony. Boring days are okay to have. Enjoy them when they come your way.
There are few subpoints that I plan to come back to at a later sermon but let me give these to you:
Time.
For good maintenance of relationships you need both quality time and quantity time.
Energy.
We have on occasion watched the television show called “The Nanny.” What amazes me is how self-absorbed so many parents are. On one show, the husband would come home from work, go upstairs and play on his computer for 2-3 hours! In the meantime his poor wife has been going stir-crazy with the kids all day and is trying to get supper ready. Especially as parents, we have to be ready to give of our energy to the other anytime- even when we might be running on empty.
Money.
Too often, money dictates relationships in families. Either its not enough money or too much money. Sometimes parents unwittingly create animosity with their kids by having too high of an expectation on their elementary concepts of money. In other words, treating a first-grader like he or she has a college degree in accounting. Or, they just give the kids anything and everything they want. Again, balance is needed in how we teach our children the value of money and how that works in God’s kingdom.
Not only does maintenance take work but you as parents need…
b. Teamwork.
Mom and Dad: you’re on the same team! Work together. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. As a team, Naomi offsets my weaknesses and I offset hers. And rather than feed off each others weaknesses as a husband and wife, we need to build each others strengths. This takes teamwork. (Again, coming in more detail from a sermon this summer.)
Furthermore, as parents you are not alone. It also takes a church to help you. The family of God is critical to the well-being and growth of you and your family. Where would my kids be without church people like you? Where would my wife and I be were it not for the nurturing of the church? The role of the church is to enhance the home ministries of every family.
And this point cannot be complete without naming extended family members. In the ideal situation, grand-parents are very important to the children. Our kids need the nurturing affects of grandmas and grandpas. Their eternal life may depend on this!
c. Repeat.
Repeat over and over the maintenance issues and teamwork. Parenting is work. But work that is well worth the reward… when they finally go to sleep at night. And there is not a more angelic look on a child’s face then when they are sleeping peacefully knowing in their heart that Mom and Dad love each other.
Be creative when budgets are tight. Boring, though, is not always a bad thing.
So what more shall I say?
Conclusion: Build an Ark to Save the Family.
Without going into extremism as some have in the past, let me simply state that as Christian parents we must build an ark to save our family. So let me leave you with three very important allowances
1. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow yourself to determine to be all that God calls us to be as parents. Most of us don’t know how to parent our kids. We’re learning on the job. So we must be determined that we are going to raise our children God’s way.
2. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth as parents. We have to quit being intimidated by what the world says and do what God says. It’s not easy being a parent. But as James Dobson’s book title says: Parenting isn’t for Cowards.
3. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow God’s grace to work. We cannot do all we should do as parents. We will succeed at some things and fail at a lot of other things. We will inadvertently bruise our kids in some way or we may hurt them and not realize the long-term consequences. Grace allows us to balance our short-comings as parents with those things we do well. Grace allows us to balance our attitudes with our kids and with each other. Grace helps us realize that if it weren’t for God we could not do what we have to do. Grace will even heal those errors in parenting.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
TEETER-TOTTER MARRIAGE
Sunday June 8, 2008
Genesis 2:24, Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NLT), Hebrews 13:4
We’re going to speak about marriage today. Marriage is not simply a word; marriage is a sentence- a life sentence
The playground game that every young child loves to play is the teeter-totter. Or, to some of our old-timers, the see-saw. The goal of the teeter-totter is for one person to sit on one end of a board and the other person sit on the other end and then push each other up and down. Kids love this as much now as we did when we were children. And there is only one rule to the teeter-totter: the loser is the one who tries to win.
Marriage is like a teeter-totter. The wife enters the marriage on one end and the husband enters on the other end. They find their place and the game begins. But too often in too many marriages, the joy of early love soon gives way to one trying to change the other, the other trying to dominate the relationship, and pretty soon all that is left of love is the shadow of a fading dream of “’til death do us part.” The death of a marriage is by far the greatest tragedy in all of humanity.
This is not God’s plan for you and your marriage. And so today I come to this message with a heavy heart for you and your home. I see far too many give up too soon. I see far too many who are not willing to give one way or the other. I see far too many broken vows, broken homes and broken hearts. This is not the way it is supposed to be.
What is it that we can learn from our Lord this day that will make a difference for you and your home and your children who come after you? I have three understandings that I want us to focus on this morning that I believe will make all the difference in your marriage.
The first for us to understand is that a married couple begins on…
1. Opposite Ends of the Same Goal.
When Naomi and I got married nearly a quarter of a century ago we climbed on that teeter-totter with a lot of junk in our trunk. She told me of a time while teeter-tottering as a child the other kid jumped off and she landed with a tremendous thud. After that incident she found it very difficult to trust other kids- fearful they might do the same thing.
That word trust is very important to a marriage. You have to trust the other person for the marriage to work. If you cannot trust them then you are going to be filled with questions.
When a marriage begins, a couple has to learn that they are very different from each other. It is true that compatibility is very important but when you put two souls together their differences will rise to the surface.
What are they?
a. Strengths and Weaknesses.
Every person has strengths and weaknesses. And sometimes these are very different or opposite of the other person.
To maintain a strong marriage you have to learn to allow your strengths to feed the marriage in order to overcome the weaknesses that both partners bring. You cannot allow your self to feed off the weaknesses of your spouse. Look for their strengths and allow their strengths to feed you and nourish the marriage.
b. Blessings and Bruises.
Every couple brings blessings and bruises into the marriage. Your gifts and abilities, your heritage as a Christian are blessings that you bring to the marital circle. Just as well, those hurts and pains from childhood, an abusive home or tragic incident are bruises that can breakdown the relationship. When one person begins to revert to the very things that damaged their childhood, the clock starts ticking.
c. Microwave and Crock-pot.
A further difference between men and women in the marriage is the old saying that men are microwaves and women are crock-pots. Let me make clear that generalities don’t make good rules and the same holds true here. I am speaking in a generality.
Guys, you need to realize that your wife needs continual affection that does not always lead to sex. Ladies, you need to realize that your husband has sexual needs that only you can meet. These differences are not intended to create strife but to bring a spiritual understanding and togetherness.
Men are turned on by thoughts, feelings and visuals a whole lot quicker than women. Women are more slowly brought along. But in learning more about each other, the couple should be able to realize that even though they come into the marriage on opposite ends they still strive towards the same goal of creating a holy environment for the glory of God.
The second understanding we need to have in our marriages:
2. Complementary Means for the Same Purpose
Even though we are very different- kind of like lady and the tramp in some cases- there are still those balances that give the marriage the kind of supplements it needs to grow in grace and holiness.
a. The Art of Listening.
I found this humorous observation about some marriages:
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Listening to the other is critical.
And you have to listen to more than words. Why is it that us guys have the hardest time of truly listening to our wife’s feelings? This is where the next point comes into play.
b. The Aid of Learning.
Marriage is about learning. Learning what the other person likes or doesn’t like. Learning what his favorite meal is or her favorite flower. Learning about each other is what marriage is all about. Marriage is more than a legal contract. This is a harmony of souls that God has brought together.
A third point that needs to be understood is.
d. The Act of Love-making.
Hebrews 13:4- “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pre, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
God is the creator of sex. He set human drives in motion, not to torture men and women but to bring them enjoyment and fulfillment. God saw that Adam had no suitable helper. So he created the woman. Instead of being opposite they were complimentary to each other and similar in every way except their reproductive systems.
Whatever you do in your marriage keep your bed pure! Honor God with your bodies by remaining true to each other and in so doing true to God.
A very real and problematic issue for some marriages is sexual dysfunction. Sometimes there are physical issues that a doctor needs to be consulted about. Other times, though, there are emotional issues and a good counselor needs to be consulted. There should never be any shame to any person who is striving to be all that they can be for the glory of God and for the satisfaction of their marriage partner.
There is a third understanding about this teeter-totter marriage that we have to address:
3. Transformed Hearts by the Same God.
God’s ultimate purpose for your marriage is to make you holy. Marriage is his sanctification tool to cleansing your heart and life.
When a couple gets married their whole life changes. And the later a person marries, the tougher the changes.
This transformation by God in the hearts of a husband and wife comes with some imperatives:
a. The Dynamic of Balancing.
You learn as a spouse to balance things out. A good teeter-totter game allows both on each end to use a counteracting force to put the teeter-totter in motion. Each person learns to push just enough to off-set the other and vice-versa.
Balancing each comes when you take up the slack for the other’s weakness. “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Naomi and I have had our problems but yet have learned to balance these things with our strengths.
b. The Process of Living.
This balancing act is really about a process of living that we have developed. There are habits that we have gotten into that really has knit our hearts and lives together. When we are apart for a week it begins to seem like an eternity. The house is very quiet when my wife is out of town. But I do get all the covers at night though!
c. The Gift of Forgiving.
If there is a most important piece of advice I could give and that is the gift of forgiving. Forgiving the other is a gift- not only for the forgiven but the forgiver. Learn to apologize. Learn to forgive. And then make up and forget. Move on. Let it go. And if it happens again, go through the process again. Remember, forgiving each other isn’t just for church folks but for those closest to us.
Conclusion: The True Power of Love.
Song of Songs 8:6-7- “Many waters cannot quench love; neither can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with everything he owned, his offer would be utterly despised.” (NLT)
Where does the power of love truly come from? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where the many stormy waters cannot quench love? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where even the flooding rivers cannot wash it away?
On the teeter totter with husband and wife at both ends stands Jesus Christ in the center. When we allow him to take over we can know that our marriage will never be the same. Jesus is the one who can bring balance to your teeter-totter marriage. Jesus is the one who can bring fullness to the otherwise off-kilter people who have tied the knot. Jesus is the one who can make you holy through marriage.
Genesis 2:24, Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NLT), Hebrews 13:4
We’re going to speak about marriage today. Marriage is not simply a word; marriage is a sentence- a life sentence
The playground game that every young child loves to play is the teeter-totter. Or, to some of our old-timers, the see-saw. The goal of the teeter-totter is for one person to sit on one end of a board and the other person sit on the other end and then push each other up and down. Kids love this as much now as we did when we were children. And there is only one rule to the teeter-totter: the loser is the one who tries to win.
Marriage is like a teeter-totter. The wife enters the marriage on one end and the husband enters on the other end. They find their place and the game begins. But too often in too many marriages, the joy of early love soon gives way to one trying to change the other, the other trying to dominate the relationship, and pretty soon all that is left of love is the shadow of a fading dream of “’til death do us part.” The death of a marriage is by far the greatest tragedy in all of humanity.
This is not God’s plan for you and your marriage. And so today I come to this message with a heavy heart for you and your home. I see far too many give up too soon. I see far too many who are not willing to give one way or the other. I see far too many broken vows, broken homes and broken hearts. This is not the way it is supposed to be.
What is it that we can learn from our Lord this day that will make a difference for you and your home and your children who come after you? I have three understandings that I want us to focus on this morning that I believe will make all the difference in your marriage.
The first for us to understand is that a married couple begins on…
1. Opposite Ends of the Same Goal.
When Naomi and I got married nearly a quarter of a century ago we climbed on that teeter-totter with a lot of junk in our trunk. She told me of a time while teeter-tottering as a child the other kid jumped off and she landed with a tremendous thud. After that incident she found it very difficult to trust other kids- fearful they might do the same thing.
That word trust is very important to a marriage. You have to trust the other person for the marriage to work. If you cannot trust them then you are going to be filled with questions.
When a marriage begins, a couple has to learn that they are very different from each other. It is true that compatibility is very important but when you put two souls together their differences will rise to the surface.
What are they?
a. Strengths and Weaknesses.
Every person has strengths and weaknesses. And sometimes these are very different or opposite of the other person.
To maintain a strong marriage you have to learn to allow your strengths to feed the marriage in order to overcome the weaknesses that both partners bring. You cannot allow your self to feed off the weaknesses of your spouse. Look for their strengths and allow their strengths to feed you and nourish the marriage.
b. Blessings and Bruises.
Every couple brings blessings and bruises into the marriage. Your gifts and abilities, your heritage as a Christian are blessings that you bring to the marital circle. Just as well, those hurts and pains from childhood, an abusive home or tragic incident are bruises that can breakdown the relationship. When one person begins to revert to the very things that damaged their childhood, the clock starts ticking.
c. Microwave and Crock-pot.
A further difference between men and women in the marriage is the old saying that men are microwaves and women are crock-pots. Let me make clear that generalities don’t make good rules and the same holds true here. I am speaking in a generality.
Guys, you need to realize that your wife needs continual affection that does not always lead to sex. Ladies, you need to realize that your husband has sexual needs that only you can meet. These differences are not intended to create strife but to bring a spiritual understanding and togetherness.
Men are turned on by thoughts, feelings and visuals a whole lot quicker than women. Women are more slowly brought along. But in learning more about each other, the couple should be able to realize that even though they come into the marriage on opposite ends they still strive towards the same goal of creating a holy environment for the glory of God.
The second understanding we need to have in our marriages:
2. Complementary Means for the Same Purpose
Even though we are very different- kind of like lady and the tramp in some cases- there are still those balances that give the marriage the kind of supplements it needs to grow in grace and holiness.
a. The Art of Listening.
I found this humorous observation about some marriages:
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Listening to the other is critical.
And you have to listen to more than words. Why is it that us guys have the hardest time of truly listening to our wife’s feelings? This is where the next point comes into play.
b. The Aid of Learning.
Marriage is about learning. Learning what the other person likes or doesn’t like. Learning what his favorite meal is or her favorite flower. Learning about each other is what marriage is all about. Marriage is more than a legal contract. This is a harmony of souls that God has brought together.
A third point that needs to be understood is.
d. The Act of Love-making.
Hebrews 13:4- “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pre, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
God is the creator of sex. He set human drives in motion, not to torture men and women but to bring them enjoyment and fulfillment. God saw that Adam had no suitable helper. So he created the woman. Instead of being opposite they were complimentary to each other and similar in every way except their reproductive systems.
Whatever you do in your marriage keep your bed pure! Honor God with your bodies by remaining true to each other and in so doing true to God.
A very real and problematic issue for some marriages is sexual dysfunction. Sometimes there are physical issues that a doctor needs to be consulted about. Other times, though, there are emotional issues and a good counselor needs to be consulted. There should never be any shame to any person who is striving to be all that they can be for the glory of God and for the satisfaction of their marriage partner.
There is a third understanding about this teeter-totter marriage that we have to address:
3. Transformed Hearts by the Same God.
God’s ultimate purpose for your marriage is to make you holy. Marriage is his sanctification tool to cleansing your heart and life.
When a couple gets married their whole life changes. And the later a person marries, the tougher the changes.
This transformation by God in the hearts of a husband and wife comes with some imperatives:
a. The Dynamic of Balancing.
You learn as a spouse to balance things out. A good teeter-totter game allows both on each end to use a counteracting force to put the teeter-totter in motion. Each person learns to push just enough to off-set the other and vice-versa.
Balancing each comes when you take up the slack for the other’s weakness. “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Naomi and I have had our problems but yet have learned to balance these things with our strengths.
b. The Process of Living.
This balancing act is really about a process of living that we have developed. There are habits that we have gotten into that really has knit our hearts and lives together. When we are apart for a week it begins to seem like an eternity. The house is very quiet when my wife is out of town. But I do get all the covers at night though!
c. The Gift of Forgiving.
If there is a most important piece of advice I could give and that is the gift of forgiving. Forgiving the other is a gift- not only for the forgiven but the forgiver. Learn to apologize. Learn to forgive. And then make up and forget. Move on. Let it go. And if it happens again, go through the process again. Remember, forgiving each other isn’t just for church folks but for those closest to us.
Conclusion: The True Power of Love.
Song of Songs 8:6-7- “Many waters cannot quench love; neither can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with everything he owned, his offer would be utterly despised.” (NLT)
Where does the power of love truly come from? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where the many stormy waters cannot quench love? Do you long to have the kind of love in your marriage where even the flooding rivers cannot wash it away?
On the teeter totter with husband and wife at both ends stands Jesus Christ in the center. When we allow him to take over we can know that our marriage will never be the same. Jesus is the one who can bring balance to your teeter-totter marriage. Jesus is the one who can bring fullness to the otherwise off-kilter people who have tied the knot. Jesus is the one who can make you holy through marriage.
ESSENTIALS FOR THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY
Sunday June 1, 2008
Isaiah 8:17-18, John 4:46-53, Ephesians 6:4
John Maxwell once said: “The only thing parents can take to heaven is their children.” And no matter how much money we make in life, or the success of our business venture or the fame and fortune we might amass, those things we cannot take to heaven with us. But what we can take to heaven is our children.
Isaiah speaks as a father of two children. Isaiah, his wife and his sons had a prophetic impact upon their people and the surrounding countries. We find in Hebrews 2:13 that these verses would have significance in the coming of Jesus Christ.
The nobleman or “royal official” came to Jesus because his son was gravely sick. He wanted Jesus to come to his home and heal the boy. Instead, Jesus called on the man and father to simply believe. Out of compassion and grace Jesus speaks and the nobleman believes. The son is healed- even though it is not in the way the man wanted. The result? He and his household became believers in Jesus Christ.
The Apostle calls on fathers not to exasperate their children. His goal is to get parents to realize that their actions can just as easily impede their children’s spiritual growth as the actions of the world. We have to understand as parents our role and the importance of having a spiritual family life that truly honors God and each other.
God wants to use your family in saving the world. I have all summer to preach on the different aspects of the Christian family but yet I approach this message with a certain amount of desperation. Your and your family are important to God’s plan to save humanity. Just as God used Isaiah and his family and God reached with mercy into the nobleman’s family he wants to use you and your spouse and children to make a difference in a world that desperately needs to be difference.
With that in mind, I want to share five essentials that Naomi and I have found to be important to having a solid Christian family home-life. By no means do we proclaim to have set the standard as parents but yet I believe that we do have something to offer to you from our own experiences as parents.
These may seem to general ideas but they must be more than general if your home-life as a Christian family is going to be all that God wants it to be.
1. The Treasure of Each Other.
I would hope that after nearly 25 years that our family has learned what it means to treasure each other as family members. Are we the most perfect family? Not likely. But yet we have learned to cherish each other.
As parents, Naomi and I couldn’t be prouder of our kids. We love to celebrate their accomplishments.
Three important aspects of this treasuring each other we have found important:
a. Connection.
Stay connected. Our kids know that they can call us anytime. Over the four years of Charity in college we learned more about Instant Messaging and long distance phone cards and all of that. We want to stay connected with our kids. And yes, it costs money to be connected but it’s well worth it to us. And if we don’t hear from them, we call. Now if we want Josh we send him a text message- its faster and more likely to get a response.
b. Celebration.
Celebrate each other’s successes. The greatest moment of my life is when I was ordained. And yet, it was not about my success but about us as a family. Everyone shared in the ordination. Why? It goes back to our trailer park days with me on a Saturday night studying at the kitchen table. It was the family sacrificing the security of dad being gone for a week to take classes. It was Naomi letting go to let God work.
Next year, we will embark to New Brunswick one more time- Lord willing- to watch our kids, Charity and Andrew, graduate college. And a year after that, we will be there when Joshua graduates. We want to be a part of each other’s celebrations as well as each other’s hurts and pains.
c. Humor
I’m not so sure we are the funniest family. We don’t play too many mean jokes on each other but we do know how to laugh with each other and even at each other. A family that laughs together stays together.
d. Vacation.
The greatest family advice my foster dad gave me was to take a family vacation at least once a year. Family vacations are those memory markers that you and your kids will cherish for a lifetime. I don’t have time to speak of our drive up Porcupine Mountain in Tennessee or the Natural Bridge State Park or the sauna on wheels in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. These times and others create memories that you will never regret. Did we have the money to do these things? Usually not- but the purchase far outweighs the price.
e. Apologize.
One of the most important aspects for any family member is learning to apologize when wrong. If you can’t do that as a Father, husband, mother, wife, son or daughter, you are short-changing the grace of God in your life and in your family. Saying “I’m sorry” and really meaning it, can make all the difference in the spiritual life of a family. I’ve had to apologize far more than I care to admit but I would not once take back a single apology.
These are merely five thoughts about ways that you as a family can treasure each other.
Something of utmost importance is…
2. The Importance of Salvation.
As Christian parents we have placed a very high importance on having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Two things that I believe have really had an impact on our family life when it comes to our personal relationship with Christ.
a. Telling the stories of Jesus.
As a family we need to tell each what Christ is doing for us. Our kids need to hear it from us and we need to hear it from them. While Charity was training for Child Evangelism she told us of how she learned to depend on the Holy Spirit’s help in order to memorize scripture. These are the kinds of things that a family learns to share with each other about.
b. Living the stories of Jesus.
But what good is telling the stories unless we are living the stories. Everyday life will tell each other far more than words about where our hope and trust are at. Who we are will overshadow what we do and say. And the first ones to pick up on this is our family. They see you with your “hair down.” They see the grumpy side of you. But what they really need to see beyond your holy perfection is the real you being made holy.
None of us has arrived to that spiritual perfection of faith. We all are in the process of growing in Christ. And that is what your spouse and your kids need to see. They don’t need to see Mom or Dad striving to be pompously holy in public but experience their fits of rage in private. They need to see Mom or Dad apologizing and then making good on the apology by striving to improve their behavior.
A key part of emphasizing salvation is found in…
3. The Value of God’s Word.
Long before I became a pastor, I have always had an intrigue with the scriptures. I have read and studied the Bible, read what others say about its passages, and have exalted it as our standard for family life.
In what ways can we allow the scriptures to be valued once again in our homes?
a. Read the Bible.
There needs to be a place in your life as a parent in reading the Bible. Make it a part of your life. Realize the values that the Bible teaches as a part of your life.
b. Be honest about the Bible.
There are some hard things in the Bible that are difficult to understand. However, we can be honest about them without taking away the significance of the Bible. I don’t like reading certain passages but I also realize that the Bible is honest about everyone else it depicts so I can be assured with being honest about those things that don’t mesh with my thinking. I strive then to learn more so that I can relate those tough problems with the rest of the family.
c. Talk about the Bible.
We strive to look for the Biblical values we can draw from movies, television shows and the like. Why? There is so much trash out there that somebody needs to say something positively- even in with a negative context.
What do I mean? After our family watched the movie “Minority Report” my son and I discussed the issue of pre-determination vs. pre-destination. While watching “The Matrix” we talk about the this world’s values versus the ideals of the Bible. There are all sorts of ways that you as parents can inject your Biblical world-view into the conversations of your family time.
Of course, we could not go on and on about the spiritual family life unless we spoke of…
4. The Significance of Prayer.
Pray and pray some more. But what do we really do with this “greatest spiritual” resource in our family life?
a. Be Thankful.
Prayer is about more than just a family altar. A family needs to be praying together and allowing the blessings of prayer to permeate every need. Prayer is about being thankful.
Unless we are truly thankful to God for all we have, our prayers will be hollow to the rest of our family. Learn to become more thankful. Give thanks to each other, give thanks to others and give thanks to God.
Have a thankful heart in everything and for everything you have.
a. Be Realistic.
Don’t hold out unrealistic expectations for your family altar. Some families are scattered to the wind when the morning sun rises. However, find those opportunities to do things together that bring you together in a prayerful atmosphere.
Eating together brings that opportunity. The family dinner table is a lost art in America. We need to find ways to recapture that in all the hustle and bustle that we engage in. Over the years we have done that as a family in a variety of ways.
There were times in my roofing days that Naomi would bring dinner out to the job sites. Oftentimes, we would meet as a family at a restaurant. These times bring an atmosphere of prayer to the family circle.
b. Pray together.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of just simply praying together as a family.
One of the most important times at the end our day when the children were young was me as the Dad going in a praying with our kids. “Now I lay me down to sleep…” Those days may be past but prayer certainly doesn’t lose its luster.
Naomi and I as aging parents have learned to rediscover prayer together. Though we are not consistent on an everyday basis we still value these times as significant to our own spiritual well-being and to us as a couple.
I have spoken of the Treasure of Each Other, the Importance of Salvation, the Value of God’s Word and the Significance of Prayer.
There is one more thing that must not be forgotten:
5. Respect for the Church.
I absolutely will not tolerate disrespect within our home for the Church or the people of the Church. We can disagree as the people of God within the Church ministry but rest assured that our children will not hear us air out our grievances against anyone. We may not agree on a variety of issues- and that may be fine or not, I’m not sure- but you will not be down-graded in our home.
There are times when church people have hurt me by the things they have said. Most of the time people say things without intending to hurt me or my family. I understand that because I realize that there may be times I say something that comes out the wrong way and have hurt someone without intending to. These things happen.
And even if someone does say or do something to hurt me, it doesn’t get told at home. My kids and many times my wife will be completely unaware that there might be a conflict. Why should they be hurt in the process of God’s people working together?
So our home will not be a place of putting down the people of God or the ministry of the Church.
Why? The Church is the Bride of Christ. The quickest way to get into a fight with a man is to disrespect his woman. And the quickest way to lose out spiritually with our Savior is to disrespect His Bride.
So how can you bring respect within your home for the Church and be blessed in the process?
a. Be careful what you say.
Words can come out wrong and so we must be quick to correct something we might say. The best way to be careful of what you say is to…
b. Speak positively about everyone.
To my kids, everyone probably seems like my best friend. That’s the way it should be. There is no room to put down other people- especially the people of the Church that I am called to pastor.
I try to find the best of motives in others. That includes you. If someone is critical of me or what the church is doing and are faithful members in attendance and tithing then I believe that they have the best of motives. They want the church to succeed in ministry. They aren’t seeking their own will but the will of God. And if they are doing something self-centeredly then God will sort that out.
c. Participate in the ministry.
Your family needs to be involved in the church ministry in some way. There are countless ways that a family can participate in ministry. Come and speak with me and we’ll get you busy.
d. Support your church.
Don’t forget to pray for your church. Pray for your pastor as a family. Pray for your church as a family. Pray for the lost as a family.
Support your church. Be there with your volunteerism, finances and energy. Let your family know that church has a high place of value in every facet of your life.
Conclusion: Valuing God’s things.
Isaiah 8:17-18, John 4:46-53, Ephesians 6:4
John Maxwell once said: “The only thing parents can take to heaven is their children.” And no matter how much money we make in life, or the success of our business venture or the fame and fortune we might amass, those things we cannot take to heaven with us. But what we can take to heaven is our children.
Isaiah speaks as a father of two children. Isaiah, his wife and his sons had a prophetic impact upon their people and the surrounding countries. We find in Hebrews 2:13 that these verses would have significance in the coming of Jesus Christ.
The nobleman or “royal official” came to Jesus because his son was gravely sick. He wanted Jesus to come to his home and heal the boy. Instead, Jesus called on the man and father to simply believe. Out of compassion and grace Jesus speaks and the nobleman believes. The son is healed- even though it is not in the way the man wanted. The result? He and his household became believers in Jesus Christ.
The Apostle calls on fathers not to exasperate their children. His goal is to get parents to realize that their actions can just as easily impede their children’s spiritual growth as the actions of the world. We have to understand as parents our role and the importance of having a spiritual family life that truly honors God and each other.
God wants to use your family in saving the world. I have all summer to preach on the different aspects of the Christian family but yet I approach this message with a certain amount of desperation. Your and your family are important to God’s plan to save humanity. Just as God used Isaiah and his family and God reached with mercy into the nobleman’s family he wants to use you and your spouse and children to make a difference in a world that desperately needs to be difference.
With that in mind, I want to share five essentials that Naomi and I have found to be important to having a solid Christian family home-life. By no means do we proclaim to have set the standard as parents but yet I believe that we do have something to offer to you from our own experiences as parents.
These may seem to general ideas but they must be more than general if your home-life as a Christian family is going to be all that God wants it to be.
1. The Treasure of Each Other.
I would hope that after nearly 25 years that our family has learned what it means to treasure each other as family members. Are we the most perfect family? Not likely. But yet we have learned to cherish each other.
As parents, Naomi and I couldn’t be prouder of our kids. We love to celebrate their accomplishments.
Three important aspects of this treasuring each other we have found important:
a. Connection.
Stay connected. Our kids know that they can call us anytime. Over the four years of Charity in college we learned more about Instant Messaging and long distance phone cards and all of that. We want to stay connected with our kids. And yes, it costs money to be connected but it’s well worth it to us. And if we don’t hear from them, we call. Now if we want Josh we send him a text message- its faster and more likely to get a response.
b. Celebration.
Celebrate each other’s successes. The greatest moment of my life is when I was ordained. And yet, it was not about my success but about us as a family. Everyone shared in the ordination. Why? It goes back to our trailer park days with me on a Saturday night studying at the kitchen table. It was the family sacrificing the security of dad being gone for a week to take classes. It was Naomi letting go to let God work.
Next year, we will embark to New Brunswick one more time- Lord willing- to watch our kids, Charity and Andrew, graduate college. And a year after that, we will be there when Joshua graduates. We want to be a part of each other’s celebrations as well as each other’s hurts and pains.
c. Humor
I’m not so sure we are the funniest family. We don’t play too many mean jokes on each other but we do know how to laugh with each other and even at each other. A family that laughs together stays together.
d. Vacation.
The greatest family advice my foster dad gave me was to take a family vacation at least once a year. Family vacations are those memory markers that you and your kids will cherish for a lifetime. I don’t have time to speak of our drive up Porcupine Mountain in Tennessee or the Natural Bridge State Park or the sauna on wheels in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. These times and others create memories that you will never regret. Did we have the money to do these things? Usually not- but the purchase far outweighs the price.
e. Apologize.
One of the most important aspects for any family member is learning to apologize when wrong. If you can’t do that as a Father, husband, mother, wife, son or daughter, you are short-changing the grace of God in your life and in your family. Saying “I’m sorry” and really meaning it, can make all the difference in the spiritual life of a family. I’ve had to apologize far more than I care to admit but I would not once take back a single apology.
These are merely five thoughts about ways that you as a family can treasure each other.
Something of utmost importance is…
2. The Importance of Salvation.
As Christian parents we have placed a very high importance on having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Two things that I believe have really had an impact on our family life when it comes to our personal relationship with Christ.
a. Telling the stories of Jesus.
As a family we need to tell each what Christ is doing for us. Our kids need to hear it from us and we need to hear it from them. While Charity was training for Child Evangelism she told us of how she learned to depend on the Holy Spirit’s help in order to memorize scripture. These are the kinds of things that a family learns to share with each other about.
b. Living the stories of Jesus.
But what good is telling the stories unless we are living the stories. Everyday life will tell each other far more than words about where our hope and trust are at. Who we are will overshadow what we do and say. And the first ones to pick up on this is our family. They see you with your “hair down.” They see the grumpy side of you. But what they really need to see beyond your holy perfection is the real you being made holy.
None of us has arrived to that spiritual perfection of faith. We all are in the process of growing in Christ. And that is what your spouse and your kids need to see. They don’t need to see Mom or Dad striving to be pompously holy in public but experience their fits of rage in private. They need to see Mom or Dad apologizing and then making good on the apology by striving to improve their behavior.
A key part of emphasizing salvation is found in…
3. The Value of God’s Word.
Long before I became a pastor, I have always had an intrigue with the scriptures. I have read and studied the Bible, read what others say about its passages, and have exalted it as our standard for family life.
In what ways can we allow the scriptures to be valued once again in our homes?
a. Read the Bible.
There needs to be a place in your life as a parent in reading the Bible. Make it a part of your life. Realize the values that the Bible teaches as a part of your life.
b. Be honest about the Bible.
There are some hard things in the Bible that are difficult to understand. However, we can be honest about them without taking away the significance of the Bible. I don’t like reading certain passages but I also realize that the Bible is honest about everyone else it depicts so I can be assured with being honest about those things that don’t mesh with my thinking. I strive then to learn more so that I can relate those tough problems with the rest of the family.
c. Talk about the Bible.
We strive to look for the Biblical values we can draw from movies, television shows and the like. Why? There is so much trash out there that somebody needs to say something positively- even in with a negative context.
What do I mean? After our family watched the movie “Minority Report” my son and I discussed the issue of pre-determination vs. pre-destination. While watching “The Matrix” we talk about the this world’s values versus the ideals of the Bible. There are all sorts of ways that you as parents can inject your Biblical world-view into the conversations of your family time.
Of course, we could not go on and on about the spiritual family life unless we spoke of…
4. The Significance of Prayer.
Pray and pray some more. But what do we really do with this “greatest spiritual” resource in our family life?
a. Be Thankful.
Prayer is about more than just a family altar. A family needs to be praying together and allowing the blessings of prayer to permeate every need. Prayer is about being thankful.
Unless we are truly thankful to God for all we have, our prayers will be hollow to the rest of our family. Learn to become more thankful. Give thanks to each other, give thanks to others and give thanks to God.
Have a thankful heart in everything and for everything you have.
a. Be Realistic.
Don’t hold out unrealistic expectations for your family altar. Some families are scattered to the wind when the morning sun rises. However, find those opportunities to do things together that bring you together in a prayerful atmosphere.
Eating together brings that opportunity. The family dinner table is a lost art in America. We need to find ways to recapture that in all the hustle and bustle that we engage in. Over the years we have done that as a family in a variety of ways.
There were times in my roofing days that Naomi would bring dinner out to the job sites. Oftentimes, we would meet as a family at a restaurant. These times bring an atmosphere of prayer to the family circle.
b. Pray together.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of just simply praying together as a family.
One of the most important times at the end our day when the children were young was me as the Dad going in a praying with our kids. “Now I lay me down to sleep…” Those days may be past but prayer certainly doesn’t lose its luster.
Naomi and I as aging parents have learned to rediscover prayer together. Though we are not consistent on an everyday basis we still value these times as significant to our own spiritual well-being and to us as a couple.
I have spoken of the Treasure of Each Other, the Importance of Salvation, the Value of God’s Word and the Significance of Prayer.
There is one more thing that must not be forgotten:
5. Respect for the Church.
I absolutely will not tolerate disrespect within our home for the Church or the people of the Church. We can disagree as the people of God within the Church ministry but rest assured that our children will not hear us air out our grievances against anyone. We may not agree on a variety of issues- and that may be fine or not, I’m not sure- but you will not be down-graded in our home.
There are times when church people have hurt me by the things they have said. Most of the time people say things without intending to hurt me or my family. I understand that because I realize that there may be times I say something that comes out the wrong way and have hurt someone without intending to. These things happen.
And even if someone does say or do something to hurt me, it doesn’t get told at home. My kids and many times my wife will be completely unaware that there might be a conflict. Why should they be hurt in the process of God’s people working together?
So our home will not be a place of putting down the people of God or the ministry of the Church.
Why? The Church is the Bride of Christ. The quickest way to get into a fight with a man is to disrespect his woman. And the quickest way to lose out spiritually with our Savior is to disrespect His Bride.
So how can you bring respect within your home for the Church and be blessed in the process?
a. Be careful what you say.
Words can come out wrong and so we must be quick to correct something we might say. The best way to be careful of what you say is to…
b. Speak positively about everyone.
To my kids, everyone probably seems like my best friend. That’s the way it should be. There is no room to put down other people- especially the people of the Church that I am called to pastor.
I try to find the best of motives in others. That includes you. If someone is critical of me or what the church is doing and are faithful members in attendance and tithing then I believe that they have the best of motives. They want the church to succeed in ministry. They aren’t seeking their own will but the will of God. And if they are doing something self-centeredly then God will sort that out.
c. Participate in the ministry.
Your family needs to be involved in the church ministry in some way. There are countless ways that a family can participate in ministry. Come and speak with me and we’ll get you busy.
d. Support your church.
Don’t forget to pray for your church. Pray for your pastor as a family. Pray for your church as a family. Pray for the lost as a family.
Support your church. Be there with your volunteerism, finances and energy. Let your family know that church has a high place of value in every facet of your life.
Conclusion: Valuing God’s things.
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