July 27, 2008
Genesis 4:2b-8, Proverbs 14:17, Ephesians 4:29-32
Key verse: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (v. 31)
I recently read where a man in Wisconsin was so angered by his lawn-mower refusing to start that he hauled out his short-barrel shotgun and put a bullet into it. He figured that it put the lawn mower and him self out of misery. Instead, he was arrested for unlawful use of a firearm and disorderly conduct. He argued that he had a right to shoot his lawn mower if he wanted; it belonged to him.
Anger is the fuel for life. Without anger you nor I could function realistically in the world. We need a level of emotion that moves us to do things and save lives in the process- maybe our own and those closest to us.
It’s okay to get angry over the unrighteousness we see in our world. However, if we allow anger to burn deep within us, it may cause us to do things that are regrettable.
In recent news, we have seen the deaths of people because of anger over circumstances that went beyond what should be lawful or ethical. Murder is not the answer a problem that stirs up anger.
This morning I want to try and help us differentiate anger. It may seem a bit confusing but yet I hope that by slicing this anger into some compartments you will be helped in dealing with anger issues in your own life.
There are four faces of anger by Dr. Mark Gorkin that I want to use as our backdrop to helping you get off the road of rage and getting on to the path of peace. Dr. Gorkin is a psychologist who specializes with anger management issues and has worked with the U.S. Postal Service on this topic. He portrays anger with a matrix that outlines four key areas that of which anger displays itself.
Remember from last week that anger is not the problem. The problem is how we handle anger and what that does to those especially close to us. It is so frustrating to see young families and old families become torn apart by anger issues. In his book God’s Healing for Hurting Families, Dr. David Thompson shares the anger issues at stake in his family- a pastor’s home, of all things, and the healing that God can bring to our homes. He says that “giving your anger to God involves healing for damaged emotions.” What a loaded statement to think about.
Anger expressed is far too often anger that has been boiling and composting for years under the surface. God desires for us to use this emotion in the right way and for the right purposes. But before we get into that (next week) let’s consider the Anger Matrix and see what anger looks like.
1. Defining the Terminology.
a. Purposeful: Intentional anger and with a significant degree of consideration, calculation and self-control.
b. Spontaneous: Spur-of-the-moment outburst of anger that has very little pre-meditation or planning. There is a little moderate self-control.
c. Constructive: Anger expression with integrity and boundaries. This is when anger expressions affirms and acknowledges one’s integrity and boundary without intending to threaten or violate another person’s integrity or boundary.
d. Destructive: Anger expression lacking integrity or respect. This is when the anger expression intends to protect one’s self-interest by threatening or violating another person’s integrity and boundary. This kind of anger may be intentional or non-intentional.
2. Distinguishing the Anger.
We are going to show you four skits of the same situation that will help us define the differences of how anger is handled. We have the father whose son has arrived home later than the 11pm curfew with the family car. This son has neglected to call ahead to inform nor has he a good reason for being late.
a. ASSERTION: Purposeful and Constructive.
In this scenario, the father acknowledges immediately his own feelings by saying, “I’m angry.” He then goes on to clarify his own emotions, expectations and future limits. When he says, “I want to talk with you” he’s expressing the need for them to interact to solve the problem together.
b. HOSTILITY: Purposeful and Destructive. (Cain and Abel- Genesis 4:2b-8)
The second scenario shows an irrational hostility. What we have seen shows not only of still being in control, but this time includes a level of hostility that seems a bit over the top. The child is told that he is irresponsible (true or not), that he “made me sick with worry” (probably) and his trustworthiness is questioned. When these kinds of statements are made they cut to the heart of the other person and takes down their own self-esteem. Comments such as these and in the same tenor can make a child, spouse or acquaintance feel worthless and even take on the characteristics of which they are told they are.
This kind of anger is referred to by Thompson as “passive aggressive” anger. This kind of anger is veiled under a certain level of thoughtfulness. People who don’t suddenly lose their cool are considered are more socially acceptable. This “Godfather” type of anger is then express through the wife not doing certain things to get back at her husband or the husband doing things to get back at the wife but all with a veneer of smile and cheeriness. Anger is anger whether it’s a blow-up or grimaced smile.
c. PASSION: Spontaneous and Constructive.
This time the father reacts with passion. The son answers. The difference is that the father has a sense of self-integrity and healthy respect for his son’s boundaries. On the spontaneous side the father expresses his feelings and so is the son. On the constructive side the father indicates that a meeting will ensue the next day when cooler heads are more likely to prevail.
This approach is critical to most of us here. Most people I would argue tend to express themselves more spontaneously when confronted with a problem. This approach is critical, especially if you have 1) reservations about turning the confrontation into a win-lose or right-wrong battle; 2) you hope not to damage the relationship; 3) you desire for both of you to learn something from the situation.
This means that a healthy respect for each other needs to be in place to protect the relationship. It’s okay to express your hurt and frustration. It is also okay for the other person to express their excuse. Sometimes one or both need some separation or even some sleep to better deal with the problem or disagreement.
d. RAGE: Spontaneous and Destructive.
This time the father responds with outright rage at his son. His explosion includes name-calling, strong words (maybe even swearing if you aren’t in church) and threats that include doing bodily harm. This is a bullying tactic intended to bring down the son. The son has no way or opportunity to respond and even if he did, the father would not hear or listen. Whether this father is projecting his own sense of helplessness, fear or control is not the issue. The problem is that great harm is being done to the relationship. Worst, this may signal the beginning of the end for this father and his son.
These scenarios are by no means the only ones but certainly communicate to us the potential problems that anger can cause.
So what can we do as Christians to deal with anger issues? What if you have already given the devil a foothold with your anger? Let me give us some ideas that hopefully will disarm the evil one’s hold in our lives.
3. Disarming the Devil.
A lot of times we think of alcoholism as a major problem for families as well as drug use and the like. However, perhaps more debilitating that this is anger. When anger takes hold of a home, everyone is affected and hurt. The pain goes deep and cuts out the heart of child while he or she is young.
There are three aspects to deactivating the wrong anger and activating the right anger.
a. Establish a New Purpose for Life.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (v. 29)
What should come out of your mouth when you speak? When Paul speaks of “talk” that comes out of your mouth, this is not an exhaustive statement about angry words but includes any communication of sinful anger. Remember the little Sunday School diddy? "Be careful little mouth what you say... There's a Father up above, looking down to you in love, so be careful little mouth what you say."
b. Experience the Spirit Power for Living.
“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit.” (v. 30) These words should signal the end of the sinful life for the Christian. And if you are prone to anger problems then you need to understand that there is a power of the Holy Spirit that not only changes your heart but changes your actions. What grieves the Holy Spirit is when we use the flesh to try and achieve what we need in the Spirit. This grieves the very heart of God.
You need to experience a fresh wind and fresh fire of the Holy Spirit in your life. To pray on one hand and then to live a life of rage on the other is unbiblical and wrong. In fact, I would conjecture that it is nearly impossible to pray in the Spirit and be filled with anger at the same time. “Be not drunk with wine (or anger) but filled with the Holy Spirit.”
c. Express a Biblical Process for Feelings.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” (v. 32)
Sometimes we just don’t know how to express day to day the right way of doing things- especially when it comes to anger problems. Let me now give you some practical tips for processing your feelings without allowing it to handicap your marriage or relationships with other people.
No name calling. Words may not break my bones but they do cut to the soul. Name calling hurts people.
Don’t be a “last word” freak. Learn to just walk away. You don't always need the last word. Escalation happens when people have to have the last word.
Respect the integrity of others. Each person has boundaries and we need to respect those boundaries. We need to regard the dignity of every human person we encounter regardless of who they are or what they represent.
Get rid of sinful anger. Give your anger to God. Don't say: "I'm not going to get angry again." Instead, say: "When I do get angry I'm going to give that anger to God."
Live a life of love. Perhaps the greatest advice I can give you is to take time and read 1 Corinthians 13. This chapter gives us a great guideline on loving others and not putting ourselves on anger's edge.
CONCLUSION.
In the end of things, we have to give our anger to God. And this is what I want to do in these closing moments of prayer.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
GETTING OFF THE ROAD OF RAGE
July 20, 2008
Ephesians 4:26-27
“In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
Most of us drove right on through this past by not realizing it was Road Rage Awareness Week here in Michigan.
The American Automobile Association prepared a study that showed over 10,000 car accidents incited by angry drivers, 12,610 injuries and 218 deaths. Road Rage involves people of all ages though a significant number are men in their twenties. Eighty to ninety per cent of us will have an encounter with someone with road rage. (www.roarrinc.org)
Anger, however, is not confined to the highways and byways of life. Anger comes to us every day and in big ways and small ways.
How we deal with anger says a lot about our character and who we really are. People who have learned to handle anger properly learn self-discipline techniques that help them cope with unforeseen problems. Others have learned more importantly the value of God’s forgiveness and the work of the Holy Spirit in their heart and life. Others continually ask God to forgive them only to blow up once again at the newspaper carrier or the garbage truck man. Over and over. Others simply swallow the problem even though they wish they had the guts to tell someone like it is.
What brings on anger? There are three very important catalysts to anger of which only one of them is needed to create the dynamic we call anger. What are they?
1) Injury. Someone does harm to you or someone or something you care about.
2) Insult. Someone levels a wrong word either at you or against you. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Most of us DON’T live by that mantra. No one likes to be insulted.
3) Injustice. Whenever your cherished belief is violated you feel the brunt of unfairness and this will make you angry. Maybe you see a white police officer targeting only Hispanic drivers. That violates your sense of right and wrong.
4) Invasion. This is when your personal space is violated by someone else. Oftentimes someone will attempt to intimidate by stepping into your personal area or taking a hold of something that belongs to you.
5) Intention. The previous four will give way to this fifth aspect of anger and you sense an energy that moves you to do something about being injured, insulted, the injustice or invaded.
What we have to understand is that not all anger is bad. Without anger there would be no United States of America. Without anger slavery would still be an issue for us today. Without anger, we would still be lost as sinners.
Of course, we don’t need to go far in the church to understand examples of anger. God himself became very angry with his people for their continual failures of following his will. Jesus on a couple of occasions overturned the tables in the temple and chased out the money-changers because what he saw happening was wrong- and it angered him.
Let’s be clear that anger is a double edged sword. There is good anger and there is wrong anger. Good anger gets upset by things or situations in life that are proper to get upset about. Anger against slavery caused Orange Scott and Luther Lee to take matters into their own hands when their church denomination refused to deal with the wrong-ness of slavery. Eventually, not only did they give aid to runaway slaves but they started our denomination- the Wesleyan Methodist Connection.
I will spend some time on the issue is that all of us are affected by anger- whether it be within our selves or the brunt from other people. I believe that anger is a bigger problem in homes than we will admit. And so for the next several weeks I will be addressing various aspects of anger because I truly believe that if we can win with anger we can win in our families, in our church and in our community and world.
My goal for you is that you would get off the road of anger and live on the path of peace. On the path of peace you still get angry but about the right things and you deal with them in the right way.
I have three observations about anger that need to be tackled today:
1. The Answers to Anger.
Anger is one of those natural emotions that you can’t live with nor can you live without. Anger costs the angered broken televisions and windows, damaged cars and other things destroyed. Worst are the marriages and families shredded apart by one person’s unbridled anger.
Anger is a raw emotion just like sexuality, hunger and love. When used in the wrong way anger is its most destructive. When use properly anger is very constructive. Differentiating the difference is critical for us if we are to be the kind of Christian God has called us to be.
a. Anger as natural.
There are those who see anger as just a natural thing that everybody has and that needs to be harnessed. I agree to some degree with this ideal. What is important to understand from the Apostle Paul’s words is “be angry and sin not.” Because anger is such a raw emotion, a person might be angry one time and not sin but yet get angry the next time and sin.
b. Anger as acceptable.
John Rambo is an angry man. And in the movie, “First Blood” he lashes out at law enforcement and society. Rambo’s anger represents to a lot of Americans as acceptable anger.
c. Anger as the answer.
For some people, anger is the only answer. They learn early that if they throw a tantrum or pout they can get their own way. They never learn that a kind word turneth away wrath. They always see anger and its trappings as the way to live.
d. Anger for everyone.
The reality is that everyone does get angry. The person who says, “I don’t get angry” is not being honest about who they are or they are on drugs or drowning their anger in other ways.
However, hostile anger- of which I will be differentiating next week- is not the answer to life’s problems. And the point I want us to wrap our minds around is that when anger becomes unbiblical and against God’s word and things holy then we’ve got a problem.
There is a price-tag that dangles from every wrong anger incident. What does anger cost you?
2. The Costs of Anger.
In the movie “As Good as it Gets” Jack Nicholson plays the part of a wealthy writer who has a bit of an anger outburst problem. He gets easily angered when things don’t go to his specifications.
Think about it: anger costs you something. It costs you the things you have as well as the relationships that are most important. When you lose your cool and lash out at a family member with no concern for their emotional well-being, you are being selfish and self-centered to only make your self feel better. But the problem is that in the end you don’t feel better. Afterwards, you apologize or worst, pretend it never happened. Your spouse, your kids or your neighbors move on hoping not to set you off again.
When anger is unbridled and unfettered there is cost that far exceeds the cost of replacing a window or television. When a person lashes out in anger they could, and many have, receive financial and institutional costs for their crimes. Parking lots are great places to get angry and so are highways and village streets.
Cost #1 – Your Health
It has been well documented that chronic, high levels of anger are associated with an increased risk for health problems. How often anger is experienced and how it is expressed during periods of emotional distress are significant factors in determining the impact on one’s health. It is not uncommon for a person to suffer heart attacks and strokes as a result of unrelenting anger in their life.
Cost #2 – Your Self-Esteem
Although the expression of anger may feel good at the moment, it often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and remorse. On a cognitive level, one might realize that his or her response was overblown, misdirected, and unwarranted. The result, in most cases, is damage to one’s self-esteem. You feel anger towards yourself and these kinds of feelings can lead to a poor outlook on your life and lead to some very detrimental consequences.
Cost #3 – Your Relationships
Very few things can damage a relationship as much as the inability to manage one’s anger. Frequent and/or intense outbursts, whether verbal or physical, can destroy marriages, break apart families, and ruin friendships. So many times we have sat with couples whose anger has endangered their marriage. There is no place for abusive anger in any relationship. No woman should tolerate the abuses of a husband or boyfriend who displays uncontrolled anger.
Cost #4 – Your Children
The effect on children of witnessing chronic and intense anger in the household can be devastating. Children who are the victims of anger grow up with anger problems of their own. Any one who believes that their childhood abuse didn’t affect them is not looking in the mirror properly. Children should not live in fear of mom or dad- at any time other than the proper kind of fear when they have done wrong. No child should ever have to fear for their well-being with their parents or the well-being of another sibling or one of their parents.
Cost #5 – The Workplace
What gets accomplished in the workplace, both quantitatively and qualitatively, can be severely compromised by poorly managed anger, frustration, and resentment. People thing that anger doesn’t cost them at work are in a fantasy world. Anger issues cost companies money, cost the workers raises and affects the outcomes of a business.
Cost #6 – Your Spirituality
We must not under-estimate the toll that anger takes on a person’s relationship with God. When a person allows themselves to engage in fits of rage they allow Satan to have not only a foothold in their life but they allow Satan to control their life. And this is not conducive to the Christian way of living.
The scriptures make clear the problems of anger for the follower of Christ. We are to “live at peace with all men.” This call is not about peace treaties but about a life that is truly one of peace and care.
The costs of anger are far too great for us to ignore. Let me now share some…
3. Tips for Anger Management.
In order to manage anger there needs to be a few things in place. One of them is that you need to have Jesus Christ in the right perspective of your life. Too often people will use “Jesus” as their weapon of choice when they are angry- in the wrong way and context. Something else that needs to be in the right perspective is understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in handling anger in the proper way.
There are two areas of your life that
Physical/Emotional:
1) Rest: Get your sleep.
2) Nutrition: Eat properly.
3) Time Management: Learn to schedule your self.
4) Laugh a little: Don’t take others too seriously.
5) Laugh a lot: Don’t take your self too seriously.
Spiritual:
6) Devotions: Take God and His Word seriously.
7) Forgiveness: Forgive others just God has forgiven you.
8) Grace: Live a life of Grace first.
9) Justice: Let God avenge your injury.
10) Surrender: Give it all to Jesus.
Ephesians 4:26-27
“In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
Most of us drove right on through this past by not realizing it was Road Rage Awareness Week here in Michigan.
The American Automobile Association prepared a study that showed over 10,000 car accidents incited by angry drivers, 12,610 injuries and 218 deaths. Road Rage involves people of all ages though a significant number are men in their twenties. Eighty to ninety per cent of us will have an encounter with someone with road rage. (www.roarrinc.org)
Anger, however, is not confined to the highways and byways of life. Anger comes to us every day and in big ways and small ways.
How we deal with anger says a lot about our character and who we really are. People who have learned to handle anger properly learn self-discipline techniques that help them cope with unforeseen problems. Others have learned more importantly the value of God’s forgiveness and the work of the Holy Spirit in their heart and life. Others continually ask God to forgive them only to blow up once again at the newspaper carrier or the garbage truck man. Over and over. Others simply swallow the problem even though they wish they had the guts to tell someone like it is.
What brings on anger? There are three very important catalysts to anger of which only one of them is needed to create the dynamic we call anger. What are they?
1) Injury. Someone does harm to you or someone or something you care about.
2) Insult. Someone levels a wrong word either at you or against you. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Most of us DON’T live by that mantra. No one likes to be insulted.
3) Injustice. Whenever your cherished belief is violated you feel the brunt of unfairness and this will make you angry. Maybe you see a white police officer targeting only Hispanic drivers. That violates your sense of right and wrong.
4) Invasion. This is when your personal space is violated by someone else. Oftentimes someone will attempt to intimidate by stepping into your personal area or taking a hold of something that belongs to you.
5) Intention. The previous four will give way to this fifth aspect of anger and you sense an energy that moves you to do something about being injured, insulted, the injustice or invaded.
What we have to understand is that not all anger is bad. Without anger there would be no United States of America. Without anger slavery would still be an issue for us today. Without anger, we would still be lost as sinners.
Of course, we don’t need to go far in the church to understand examples of anger. God himself became very angry with his people for their continual failures of following his will. Jesus on a couple of occasions overturned the tables in the temple and chased out the money-changers because what he saw happening was wrong- and it angered him.
Let’s be clear that anger is a double edged sword. There is good anger and there is wrong anger. Good anger gets upset by things or situations in life that are proper to get upset about. Anger against slavery caused Orange Scott and Luther Lee to take matters into their own hands when their church denomination refused to deal with the wrong-ness of slavery. Eventually, not only did they give aid to runaway slaves but they started our denomination- the Wesleyan Methodist Connection.
I will spend some time on the issue is that all of us are affected by anger- whether it be within our selves or the brunt from other people. I believe that anger is a bigger problem in homes than we will admit. And so for the next several weeks I will be addressing various aspects of anger because I truly believe that if we can win with anger we can win in our families, in our church and in our community and world.
My goal for you is that you would get off the road of anger and live on the path of peace. On the path of peace you still get angry but about the right things and you deal with them in the right way.
I have three observations about anger that need to be tackled today:
1. The Answers to Anger.
Anger is one of those natural emotions that you can’t live with nor can you live without. Anger costs the angered broken televisions and windows, damaged cars and other things destroyed. Worst are the marriages and families shredded apart by one person’s unbridled anger.
Anger is a raw emotion just like sexuality, hunger and love. When used in the wrong way anger is its most destructive. When use properly anger is very constructive. Differentiating the difference is critical for us if we are to be the kind of Christian God has called us to be.
a. Anger as natural.
There are those who see anger as just a natural thing that everybody has and that needs to be harnessed. I agree to some degree with this ideal. What is important to understand from the Apostle Paul’s words is “be angry and sin not.” Because anger is such a raw emotion, a person might be angry one time and not sin but yet get angry the next time and sin.
b. Anger as acceptable.
John Rambo is an angry man. And in the movie, “First Blood” he lashes out at law enforcement and society. Rambo’s anger represents to a lot of Americans as acceptable anger.
c. Anger as the answer.
For some people, anger is the only answer. They learn early that if they throw a tantrum or pout they can get their own way. They never learn that a kind word turneth away wrath. They always see anger and its trappings as the way to live.
d. Anger for everyone.
The reality is that everyone does get angry. The person who says, “I don’t get angry” is not being honest about who they are or they are on drugs or drowning their anger in other ways.
However, hostile anger- of which I will be differentiating next week- is not the answer to life’s problems. And the point I want us to wrap our minds around is that when anger becomes unbiblical and against God’s word and things holy then we’ve got a problem.
There is a price-tag that dangles from every wrong anger incident. What does anger cost you?
2. The Costs of Anger.
In the movie “As Good as it Gets” Jack Nicholson plays the part of a wealthy writer who has a bit of an anger outburst problem. He gets easily angered when things don’t go to his specifications.
Think about it: anger costs you something. It costs you the things you have as well as the relationships that are most important. When you lose your cool and lash out at a family member with no concern for their emotional well-being, you are being selfish and self-centered to only make your self feel better. But the problem is that in the end you don’t feel better. Afterwards, you apologize or worst, pretend it never happened. Your spouse, your kids or your neighbors move on hoping not to set you off again.
When anger is unbridled and unfettered there is cost that far exceeds the cost of replacing a window or television. When a person lashes out in anger they could, and many have, receive financial and institutional costs for their crimes. Parking lots are great places to get angry and so are highways and village streets.
Cost #1 – Your Health
It has been well documented that chronic, high levels of anger are associated with an increased risk for health problems. How often anger is experienced and how it is expressed during periods of emotional distress are significant factors in determining the impact on one’s health. It is not uncommon for a person to suffer heart attacks and strokes as a result of unrelenting anger in their life.
Cost #2 – Your Self-Esteem
Although the expression of anger may feel good at the moment, it often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and remorse. On a cognitive level, one might realize that his or her response was overblown, misdirected, and unwarranted. The result, in most cases, is damage to one’s self-esteem. You feel anger towards yourself and these kinds of feelings can lead to a poor outlook on your life and lead to some very detrimental consequences.
Cost #3 – Your Relationships
Very few things can damage a relationship as much as the inability to manage one’s anger. Frequent and/or intense outbursts, whether verbal or physical, can destroy marriages, break apart families, and ruin friendships. So many times we have sat with couples whose anger has endangered their marriage. There is no place for abusive anger in any relationship. No woman should tolerate the abuses of a husband or boyfriend who displays uncontrolled anger.
Cost #4 – Your Children
The effect on children of witnessing chronic and intense anger in the household can be devastating. Children who are the victims of anger grow up with anger problems of their own. Any one who believes that their childhood abuse didn’t affect them is not looking in the mirror properly. Children should not live in fear of mom or dad- at any time other than the proper kind of fear when they have done wrong. No child should ever have to fear for their well-being with their parents or the well-being of another sibling or one of their parents.
Cost #5 – The Workplace
What gets accomplished in the workplace, both quantitatively and qualitatively, can be severely compromised by poorly managed anger, frustration, and resentment. People thing that anger doesn’t cost them at work are in a fantasy world. Anger issues cost companies money, cost the workers raises and affects the outcomes of a business.
Cost #6 – Your Spirituality
We must not under-estimate the toll that anger takes on a person’s relationship with God. When a person allows themselves to engage in fits of rage they allow Satan to have not only a foothold in their life but they allow Satan to control their life. And this is not conducive to the Christian way of living.
The scriptures make clear the problems of anger for the follower of Christ. We are to “live at peace with all men.” This call is not about peace treaties but about a life that is truly one of peace and care.
The costs of anger are far too great for us to ignore. Let me now share some…
3. Tips for Anger Management.
In order to manage anger there needs to be a few things in place. One of them is that you need to have Jesus Christ in the right perspective of your life. Too often people will use “Jesus” as their weapon of choice when they are angry- in the wrong way and context. Something else that needs to be in the right perspective is understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in handling anger in the proper way.
There are two areas of your life that
Physical/Emotional:
1) Rest: Get your sleep.
2) Nutrition: Eat properly.
3) Time Management: Learn to schedule your self.
4) Laugh a little: Don’t take others too seriously.
5) Laugh a lot: Don’t take your self too seriously.
Spiritual:
6) Devotions: Take God and His Word seriously.
7) Forgiveness: Forgive others just God has forgiven you.
8) Grace: Live a life of Grace first.
9) Justice: Let God avenge your injury.
10) Surrender: Give it all to Jesus.
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
July 6, 2008
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
Genesis 6:5-8, Acts 2:38-39, Hebrews 11:7
The family circle is the most basic human government on the face of the earth. God created and intended for this to be that way. Our participation in "family" is crucial to the well-being of our souls and the growth of those around us.
What makes a house into a home? What makes a group of individuals into a family? How does the most basic of human governments supposed to look like?
There are five very important features of a quality Christian home. You would think at first glance that such things as prayer, holiness and church attendance would be the key ingredients to a Christian home. Not that these are not important but those are things that are fluid. They should be flowing in and through the other elements of any Christian home. What I am looking at are the structural things that transform the Christian home. Hopefully these are traits that are prayerfully implemented into your home.
1. There is a Character to be Shaped.
Every house has a particular “character” about it. I learned in construction that there are different kinds of homes that reveal a certain character about them due to the style of the home. A basic ranch home is simple in design with a low pitched roof and generally easier to build. A Cape Cod home is one that has unique “eyebrows” that take the roof line around a corner. A home with Swiss gables is usually has a steeper roof that juts out from the outer walls. An “A-frame” is a 12/12 pitched roof that starts about a foot off the ground.
We could move on and see the interior color schemes, the floor style and the door-frames. These- as much as anything- reveal ever more closely the character of the people who live inside.
Look even closer at the furniture and you will learn even more about the people who inhabit the house.
My point is that for a Christian home to truly be Christian, it will have a certain personality. There will be things that go beyond furniture and decorations.
What character does your Christian home reveal about your family? Don't forget, Noah's character was grounded in his relationship with God.
Notice some things about Noah from Genesis 6 that reveal a whole lot about his Christian home:
a. Noah was a righteous man. (Gen. 6:9)
In being a righteous man he had a good reputation with his neighbors and friends. The people around him considered him a man who was blameless.
As moms and dads, there are so many times that you have to take the lead in obeying God. And kids see this. They see the books you read, the magazines you peruse and the movies you watch. They may even know the web sites you vist.
b. Noah was obedient to God. (Gen. 6:22)
He was more than a husband and father- he was a follower of God. And following God meant being obedient to what God called him to do- even to build an ark. Your family will be impacted by your obedience to God.
c. God remembered Noah. (Gen. 8:1)
Noah’s integrity and obedience was responded to by a loving and caring God. Even though the world all around was ignoring God and doing their own thing, but Noah was different. And because Noah was different, Noah’s family was different. And in being different they were rescued by God.
We must remember that God remembers us in the face of judgment, persecution, trials and tribulations. When your whole seems like a flood, God is there protecting you as a parent.
d. Noah worshiped God. (Gen. 8:20)
This verse does not mean that because of all the previous things that Noah now begins to worship. No, this verse indicates that Noah and his family were worshippers of God continually. They made room for God in their family time to give God glory and honor.
This is why families need to be in church. They need to be praying TOGETHER,singing TOGETHER, and growing TOGETHER.
Your walk with Christ shapes your character. But more than just shaping your character as a mom or dad, your walk with Christ helps shape the character of your children. And the whole family is impacted. When you walk with Christ you are building an ark to save your family- just as Noah did.
Secondly,
2. There is a Desire to be Had.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that God has been eased out of our lives and mentioned only in a time of crisis or need. What I am wondering is how many of you here truly want to have a Christian home?
If you want to have a Christian home then you need to desire to have one. Prayer and Bible reading help build that but do you desire in your heart as a wife and husband, as a mom and dad, or as a grandparent to have a home that reflects the values of our Lord and Savior?
Two important pieces to this desire must be present:
a. Parental Vision.
Take some time and think about how your family life operates. Does it just happen as probably 99.99% of homes do? Or are you deliberate about the life of the home?
You need to see what God sees for your home life. You need to see your family relationships through the lenses of God’ word. A vision is not some far-fetched dream but is a very real view of what God wants.
b. Family Participation.
For desire to really take hold you need family participation. We have gone on a number of vacations that quite honestly would be pretty boring without the others. And so it is with the family structure. A family needs to see the need for complete participation.
Noah’s family came together. There is no indication from the scriptures that any of the children- even as adults- rejected the God of their father and mother. Together they entered the ark.
Who knows what the surrounding community was saying about Noah. A lot of indicators from a variety of scholars are that Noah was likely made fun of and ridiculed. There was no such thing as rain, according to the Venus theory. Flooding was unheard of. And yet, they believed and were saved.
You see it takes desire to have a Christian home. I had someone once tell me how they envied the kind of life I had and the family that I’ve been blessed with. They wanted that kind of life for themselves. However, they failed to take the price tag seriously. Which brings me to our third point:
3. There is a Price to Pay.
For any Christian desiring the things of God they will come to learn that there is a price to pay for that Christian home to truly become Christian. There is a cost to being a godly father and mother. There is a cost to being a godly son and daughter. There is a cost to being a godly grandfather and grandmother.
Whatever you desire to see happen for the glory of God in your family life, realize this: there is a price to pay.
The number one problem in our Christian homes and the reason why so many Christian homes struggle with the things of the world is very simply that there are too many moms and dads, husbands and wives who do not want to pay the price.
But let me ask you this: what price is too much for the sake of your souls and the souls of your children. Again, as parents the only thing we can take to heaven with us is our children. What price is too much to pay for that?
Some of you know what I am talking about. You’ve walked this road. You know that there is no price too much for the sake of our children.
What is the price that has to be paid to build an ark to save your family?
a. Sin and Self.
We live in a time where the self has been elevated to deity level. I’ve heard way too often, “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you.” Come on! If we live our life by that mantra then we will have a family life that is part of the American litter scattered around the countryside.
Sin will affect your family life. Selfishness will affect your family life. These things of this world can only bring doom and gloom to the home and keep you from building an ark to save your family.
What can you do?
Allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify your heart. We need homes that are filled with the holiness of God. And for that to happen we need moms and dads who have surrendered sin and self to God.
b. Materialism and Money.
We have to surrender the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, the Smiths or the Johnsons. All these gadgets and things that are so important are not going to make our family stronger in the long run. It will simply create a bigger spiritual vacuum.
Things are nice and things make life more fun. But at what price? The family that strives to do things together at the expense of worshipping God and worshipping with God’s people are too expensive for their spiritual life.
Recently some families in the Hudsonville community have taken a stand against their children playing Little League baseball on Sundays. Their heart conviction tells them that they need to be in church with their families on Sunday. Even though no games are scheduled, they could not in good conscience commit their children to being in games that would keep them away from Church.
Now, I am not against playing ball on Sundays. But what we do with the issue of being with God’s people is critical. What you do on Sundays does matter and it matters to God and should matter to us as parents. Are the things we do depriving us of being with God’s people in worship? [More on the Sunday/Sabbath issue in another sermon this winter.]
c. Reputation and Recognition.
Have you ever been in a store and hear a squalling kid and a desperate mom trying to deal with this carnal creature screaming in the grocery cart? Admit it: we’ve all thought, “Thank God that kid’s not mine!” And we might even comment to our spouse about what we would do if that was our kid.
Naomi recalls dealing with our kids playing hide and seek in the clothes racks at Meijer. What fun she had while I was out roofing!
In raising our families we have to relinquish our status and any glory that might come our way. Sometimes we might be embarrassed by our children’s behavior. We have to be willing to let our family grow and not worry about the naysayer’s. We don’t raise kids and bless out home for earthly recognition and reward. Our reward is when we meet our children in heaven.
d. Calling and Career.
There is a place where we concede our calling and career to the betterment of our family. How many are there who have surrendered what they thought could have been a better life with better money and better connections in order to live the good life God already had for them?
Again, there are too many families that have suffered because mom or dad, or mom and dad, needed to climb the corporate ladder and take on more hours away from home. How many have lost their families and relationships because the raise was more important than raising their kids?
For some, getting a raise at work is more important than raising the kids at home.
The price to pay for a Christian home and to know that your wife will be there when you get home is priceless. The price to pay is nothing when the children honor you as they should. The price to pay doesn’t ever come cheaply- especially because…
4. There is Work to Do.
For your home to be all that God wants it to be is going to require work. There are maintenance items that just have to be done.
No one here (at least in their right mind) enjoys housework: washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning windows or straightening up pillows and shams. Why? It’s monotonous work. It’s the same old thing every few days.
Who, in their right mind, loves housework? Who can't wait to get the vacuum cleaner out and do more housework?
“Didn’t I just wash these dishes yesterday?” “Didn’t we just clean these windows a few weeks ago?” “I have to vacuum again?”
For you maintain a Christian home is going to take work. There are three very important aspects of this:
a. Maintenance.
To keep relationships vibrant in the home takes maintenance. You can’t live on a roller coaster every day. You need days of routine and monotony. Boring days are okay to have. Enjoy them when they come your way.
There are few subpoints that I plan to come back to at a later sermon but let me give these to you:
Time.
For good maintenance of relationships you need both quality time and quantity time.
Energy.
We have on occasion watched the television show called “The Nanny.” What amazes me is how self-absorbed so many parents are. On one show, the husband would come home from work, go upstairs and play on his computer for 2-3 hours! In the meantime his poor wife has been going stir-crazy with the kids all day and is trying to get supper ready. Especially as parents, we have to be ready to give of our energy to the other anytime- even when we might be running on empty.
Money.
Too often, money dictates relationships in families. Either its not enough money or too much money. Sometimes parents unwittingly create animosity with their kids by having too high of an expectation on their elementary concepts of money. In other words, treating a first-grader like he or she has a college degree in accounting. Or, they just give the kids anything and everything they want. Again, balance is needed in how we teach our children the value of money and how that works in God’s kingdom.
Not only does maintenance take work but you as parents need…
b. Teamwork.
Mom and Dad: you’re on the same team! Work together. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. As a team, Naomi offsets my weaknesses and I offset hers. And rather than feed off each others weaknesses as a husband and wife, we need to build each others strengths. This takes teamwork. (Again, coming in more detail from a sermon this summer.)
Furthermore, as parents you are not alone. It also takes a church to help you. The family of God is critical to the well-being and growth of you and your family. Where would my kids be without church people like you? Where would my wife and I be were it not for the nurturing of the church? The role of the church is to enhance the home ministries of every family.
And this point cannot be complete without naming extended family members. In the ideal situation, grand-parents are very important to the children. Our kids need the nurturing affects of grandmas and grandpas. Their eternal life may depend on this!
c. Repeat.
Repeat over and over the maintenance issues and teamwork. Parenting is work. But work that is well worth the reward… when they finally go to sleep at night. And there is not a more angelic look on a child’s face then when they are sleeping peacefully knowing in their heart that Mom and Dad love each other.
Be creative when budgets are tight. Boring, though, is not always a bad thing.
So what more shall I say?
Conclusion: Build an Ark to Save the Family.
Without going into extremism as some have in the past, let me simply state that as Christian parents we must build an ark to save our family. So let me leave you with three very important allowances
1. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow yourself to determine to be all that God calls us to be as parents. Most of us don’t know how to parent our kids. We’re learning on the job. So we must be determined that we are going to raise our children God’s way.
2. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth as parents. We have to quit being intimidated by what the world says and do what God says. It’s not easy being a parent. But as James Dobson’s book title says: Parenting isn’t for Cowards.
3. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow God’s grace to work. We cannot do all we should do as parents. We will succeed at some things and fail at a lot of other things. We will inadvertently bruise our kids in some way or we may hurt them and not realize the long-term consequences. Grace allows us to balance our short-comings as parents with those things we do well. Grace allows us to balance our attitudes with our kids and with each other. Grace helps us realize that if it weren’t for God we could not do what we have to do. Grace will even heal those errors in parenting.
BUILDING AN ARK TO SAVE THE FAMILY
Genesis 6:5-8, Acts 2:38-39, Hebrews 11:7
The family circle is the most basic human government on the face of the earth. God created and intended for this to be that way. Our participation in "family" is crucial to the well-being of our souls and the growth of those around us.
What makes a house into a home? What makes a group of individuals into a family? How does the most basic of human governments supposed to look like?
There are five very important features of a quality Christian home. You would think at first glance that such things as prayer, holiness and church attendance would be the key ingredients to a Christian home. Not that these are not important but those are things that are fluid. They should be flowing in and through the other elements of any Christian home. What I am looking at are the structural things that transform the Christian home. Hopefully these are traits that are prayerfully implemented into your home.
1. There is a Character to be Shaped.
Every house has a particular “character” about it. I learned in construction that there are different kinds of homes that reveal a certain character about them due to the style of the home. A basic ranch home is simple in design with a low pitched roof and generally easier to build. A Cape Cod home is one that has unique “eyebrows” that take the roof line around a corner. A home with Swiss gables is usually has a steeper roof that juts out from the outer walls. An “A-frame” is a 12/12 pitched roof that starts about a foot off the ground.
We could move on and see the interior color schemes, the floor style and the door-frames. These- as much as anything- reveal ever more closely the character of the people who live inside.
Look even closer at the furniture and you will learn even more about the people who inhabit the house.
My point is that for a Christian home to truly be Christian, it will have a certain personality. There will be things that go beyond furniture and decorations.
What character does your Christian home reveal about your family? Don't forget, Noah's character was grounded in his relationship with God.
Notice some things about Noah from Genesis 6 that reveal a whole lot about his Christian home:
a. Noah was a righteous man. (Gen. 6:9)
In being a righteous man he had a good reputation with his neighbors and friends. The people around him considered him a man who was blameless.
As moms and dads, there are so many times that you have to take the lead in obeying God. And kids see this. They see the books you read, the magazines you peruse and the movies you watch. They may even know the web sites you vist.
b. Noah was obedient to God. (Gen. 6:22)
He was more than a husband and father- he was a follower of God. And following God meant being obedient to what God called him to do- even to build an ark. Your family will be impacted by your obedience to God.
c. God remembered Noah. (Gen. 8:1)
Noah’s integrity and obedience was responded to by a loving and caring God. Even though the world all around was ignoring God and doing their own thing, but Noah was different. And because Noah was different, Noah’s family was different. And in being different they were rescued by God.
We must remember that God remembers us in the face of judgment, persecution, trials and tribulations. When your whole seems like a flood, God is there protecting you as a parent.
d. Noah worshiped God. (Gen. 8:20)
This verse does not mean that because of all the previous things that Noah now begins to worship. No, this verse indicates that Noah and his family were worshippers of God continually. They made room for God in their family time to give God glory and honor.
This is why families need to be in church. They need to be praying TOGETHER,singing TOGETHER, and growing TOGETHER.
Your walk with Christ shapes your character. But more than just shaping your character as a mom or dad, your walk with Christ helps shape the character of your children. And the whole family is impacted. When you walk with Christ you are building an ark to save your family- just as Noah did.
Secondly,
2. There is a Desire to be Had.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that God has been eased out of our lives and mentioned only in a time of crisis or need. What I am wondering is how many of you here truly want to have a Christian home?
If you want to have a Christian home then you need to desire to have one. Prayer and Bible reading help build that but do you desire in your heart as a wife and husband, as a mom and dad, or as a grandparent to have a home that reflects the values of our Lord and Savior?
Two important pieces to this desire must be present:
a. Parental Vision.
Take some time and think about how your family life operates. Does it just happen as probably 99.99% of homes do? Or are you deliberate about the life of the home?
You need to see what God sees for your home life. You need to see your family relationships through the lenses of God’ word. A vision is not some far-fetched dream but is a very real view of what God wants.
b. Family Participation.
For desire to really take hold you need family participation. We have gone on a number of vacations that quite honestly would be pretty boring without the others. And so it is with the family structure. A family needs to see the need for complete participation.
Noah’s family came together. There is no indication from the scriptures that any of the children- even as adults- rejected the God of their father and mother. Together they entered the ark.
Who knows what the surrounding community was saying about Noah. A lot of indicators from a variety of scholars are that Noah was likely made fun of and ridiculed. There was no such thing as rain, according to the Venus theory. Flooding was unheard of. And yet, they believed and were saved.
You see it takes desire to have a Christian home. I had someone once tell me how they envied the kind of life I had and the family that I’ve been blessed with. They wanted that kind of life for themselves. However, they failed to take the price tag seriously. Which brings me to our third point:
3. There is a Price to Pay.
For any Christian desiring the things of God they will come to learn that there is a price to pay for that Christian home to truly become Christian. There is a cost to being a godly father and mother. There is a cost to being a godly son and daughter. There is a cost to being a godly grandfather and grandmother.
Whatever you desire to see happen for the glory of God in your family life, realize this: there is a price to pay.
The number one problem in our Christian homes and the reason why so many Christian homes struggle with the things of the world is very simply that there are too many moms and dads, husbands and wives who do not want to pay the price.
But let me ask you this: what price is too much for the sake of your souls and the souls of your children. Again, as parents the only thing we can take to heaven with us is our children. What price is too much to pay for that?
Some of you know what I am talking about. You’ve walked this road. You know that there is no price too much for the sake of our children.
What is the price that has to be paid to build an ark to save your family?
a. Sin and Self.
We live in a time where the self has been elevated to deity level. I’ve heard way too often, “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you.” Come on! If we live our life by that mantra then we will have a family life that is part of the American litter scattered around the countryside.
Sin will affect your family life. Selfishness will affect your family life. These things of this world can only bring doom and gloom to the home and keep you from building an ark to save your family.
What can you do?
Allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify your heart. We need homes that are filled with the holiness of God. And for that to happen we need moms and dads who have surrendered sin and self to God.
b. Materialism and Money.
We have to surrender the idea of keeping up with the Joneses, the Smiths or the Johnsons. All these gadgets and things that are so important are not going to make our family stronger in the long run. It will simply create a bigger spiritual vacuum.
Things are nice and things make life more fun. But at what price? The family that strives to do things together at the expense of worshipping God and worshipping with God’s people are too expensive for their spiritual life.
Recently some families in the Hudsonville community have taken a stand against their children playing Little League baseball on Sundays. Their heart conviction tells them that they need to be in church with their families on Sunday. Even though no games are scheduled, they could not in good conscience commit their children to being in games that would keep them away from Church.
Now, I am not against playing ball on Sundays. But what we do with the issue of being with God’s people is critical. What you do on Sundays does matter and it matters to God and should matter to us as parents. Are the things we do depriving us of being with God’s people in worship? [More on the Sunday/Sabbath issue in another sermon this winter.]
c. Reputation and Recognition.
Have you ever been in a store and hear a squalling kid and a desperate mom trying to deal with this carnal creature screaming in the grocery cart? Admit it: we’ve all thought, “Thank God that kid’s not mine!” And we might even comment to our spouse about what we would do if that was our kid.
Naomi recalls dealing with our kids playing hide and seek in the clothes racks at Meijer. What fun she had while I was out roofing!
In raising our families we have to relinquish our status and any glory that might come our way. Sometimes we might be embarrassed by our children’s behavior. We have to be willing to let our family grow and not worry about the naysayer’s. We don’t raise kids and bless out home for earthly recognition and reward. Our reward is when we meet our children in heaven.
d. Calling and Career.
There is a place where we concede our calling and career to the betterment of our family. How many are there who have surrendered what they thought could have been a better life with better money and better connections in order to live the good life God already had for them?
Again, there are too many families that have suffered because mom or dad, or mom and dad, needed to climb the corporate ladder and take on more hours away from home. How many have lost their families and relationships because the raise was more important than raising their kids?
For some, getting a raise at work is more important than raising the kids at home.
The price to pay for a Christian home and to know that your wife will be there when you get home is priceless. The price to pay is nothing when the children honor you as they should. The price to pay doesn’t ever come cheaply- especially because…
4. There is Work to Do.
For your home to be all that God wants it to be is going to require work. There are maintenance items that just have to be done.
No one here (at least in their right mind) enjoys housework: washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning windows or straightening up pillows and shams. Why? It’s monotonous work. It’s the same old thing every few days.
Who, in their right mind, loves housework? Who can't wait to get the vacuum cleaner out and do more housework?
“Didn’t I just wash these dishes yesterday?” “Didn’t we just clean these windows a few weeks ago?” “I have to vacuum again?”
For you maintain a Christian home is going to take work. There are three very important aspects of this:
a. Maintenance.
To keep relationships vibrant in the home takes maintenance. You can’t live on a roller coaster every day. You need days of routine and monotony. Boring days are okay to have. Enjoy them when they come your way.
There are few subpoints that I plan to come back to at a later sermon but let me give these to you:
Time.
For good maintenance of relationships you need both quality time and quantity time.
Energy.
We have on occasion watched the television show called “The Nanny.” What amazes me is how self-absorbed so many parents are. On one show, the husband would come home from work, go upstairs and play on his computer for 2-3 hours! In the meantime his poor wife has been going stir-crazy with the kids all day and is trying to get supper ready. Especially as parents, we have to be ready to give of our energy to the other anytime- even when we might be running on empty.
Money.
Too often, money dictates relationships in families. Either its not enough money or too much money. Sometimes parents unwittingly create animosity with their kids by having too high of an expectation on their elementary concepts of money. In other words, treating a first-grader like he or she has a college degree in accounting. Or, they just give the kids anything and everything they want. Again, balance is needed in how we teach our children the value of money and how that works in God’s kingdom.
Not only does maintenance take work but you as parents need…
b. Teamwork.
Mom and Dad: you’re on the same team! Work together. Don’t let the kids divide and conquer. As a team, Naomi offsets my weaknesses and I offset hers. And rather than feed off each others weaknesses as a husband and wife, we need to build each others strengths. This takes teamwork. (Again, coming in more detail from a sermon this summer.)
Furthermore, as parents you are not alone. It also takes a church to help you. The family of God is critical to the well-being and growth of you and your family. Where would my kids be without church people like you? Where would my wife and I be were it not for the nurturing of the church? The role of the church is to enhance the home ministries of every family.
And this point cannot be complete without naming extended family members. In the ideal situation, grand-parents are very important to the children. Our kids need the nurturing affects of grandmas and grandpas. Their eternal life may depend on this!
c. Repeat.
Repeat over and over the maintenance issues and teamwork. Parenting is work. But work that is well worth the reward… when they finally go to sleep at night. And there is not a more angelic look on a child’s face then when they are sleeping peacefully knowing in their heart that Mom and Dad love each other.
Be creative when budgets are tight. Boring, though, is not always a bad thing.
So what more shall I say?
Conclusion: Build an Ark to Save the Family.
Without going into extremism as some have in the past, let me simply state that as Christian parents we must build an ark to save our family. So let me leave you with three very important allowances
1. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow yourself to determine to be all that God calls us to be as parents. Most of us don’t know how to parent our kids. We’re learning on the job. So we must be determined that we are going to raise our children God’s way.
2. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth as parents. We have to quit being intimidated by what the world says and do what God says. It’s not easy being a parent. But as James Dobson’s book title says: Parenting isn’t for Cowards.
3. To build an ark to save the family calls on you to allow God’s grace to work. We cannot do all we should do as parents. We will succeed at some things and fail at a lot of other things. We will inadvertently bruise our kids in some way or we may hurt them and not realize the long-term consequences. Grace allows us to balance our short-comings as parents with those things we do well. Grace allows us to balance our attitudes with our kids and with each other. Grace helps us realize that if it weren’t for God we could not do what we have to do. Grace will even heal those errors in parenting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)